Too Busy

[Bradster]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 weeks now, in the first couple of weeks and before we saw each other like 3-4 times a week. She works full time 10 hours a day and I go college 3 days a week and work a Sunday, but am free Saturday during the day.

 

I text her all the time and today she text me about how she felt and stuff about her work and explained how she is always tired, she wants to see me but wants time to her self and is trying to balance everything out.

 

So now what? I am seeing her tomorrow and am going to speak to her in detail about it, but would you stay in a relationship if you only got to see your girlfriend maybe twice a week? At most 3? I want to see her all the time, she said if I was in her situation I would be the same way but I wouldnt, I would want to be with her even if I was tired, even if it meant just cuddling up and watching a film or TV or something.

 

She is 18 and I am 17 so we are pretty young, we were in the same year at school, she got kept behind a year because she moved to England from South Africa. I fear her work is wearing her out and believe it will eventually affect our relationship. I dont know what to do!

 

I like her a lot and will do everything possible to make it work but Im having doubts, I really want a break up to be a last resort.

[jettison]

If a woman asks you for space -and that's exactly what she's done here - then you lend space. Period. There is no doubt or second guessing. So your choices are very clear. You either learn to be ok on 3 or less days per week, or else you break up with your girlfriend. Pushing your girlfriend for more time, and then complaining that you're not getting enough time is going to push her away if you keep at it.

[melrich]

but would you stay in a relationship if you only got to see your girlfriend maybe twice a week?

 

What's more important to you, more time with your girlfriend or your relationship with your girlfriend?

 

If it is more time, sounds like you have to find another g/f.

 

If it is your relationship with your current g/f then you have to accept that she does not have time right now to be with you as much as you want.

[ourdeepsleep]

i work 60-70 hours a week (11+ hours a day mon-sat) and at first it was hard for my partner to get used to. i often only see him once a week.

yes i would love to spend more time with him but i also have friends, family, and myself to look after.

 

seeing him only once a week makes it even better being with him, we don't suffocate, we miss eachother immensely, and by the end of the week when i usually spend all saturday/sunday with him, we have so much to catch up on, so much to do, and are always excited to see eachother.

i believe it's healthy and very important to stick to work, see your friends and family, and do things for yourself in order to have a healthy relationship.

 

often i am too worn out by work to spend time with him, but he loves me and understands.

 

i hope that helped.

[_Asti_]

You have to realize that its not ALWAYS going to be like this.

 

Its very rare to see my boyfriend more than twice a week during our busiest times of the year.

But its never been a problem. We're both two busy people, with our own lives to get together and work on, and all we can manage is two days a week.

 

But its not always been like that. We've been able to get away for 2-3 weeks at a time, we take weekend getaways, time spent together is always action packed and doing something fun and worthwhile...and we do take personal time for each other and we both make sacrifices when one of us feels a little neglected [ie breakfast at 6am..or staying up past midnight to get some cuddle time in...]

 

I think for your ages and where you are at in your life, its normal. Its normal to want to see each other alot, but you also have to realize this isn't your life..she isn't your world. She's just something else to add to your already existing life. If all you can give to each other is 2-3 days a week, then thats how it is..but realize this isn't how its always going to be..its going to change, and it will change often as you both grow and move on to other things etc.

[Bradster]

Thanks for advice guys, was really helpful, I will give her space, my relationship with her is more important than spending more time with her. I am seeing her tonight for a couple of hours so I will explain to her that I will back off and give her the time she needs.

[Darkness_Falls]

At first, I was only seeing my boyfriend 3 times a week as well because of work and distance. Often we were tired from work, he was tired from travelling etc. I know it's hard, I totally understand. Being young and in love just makes things more difficult lol. But things can change. Take me and my bf, he has now moved in with me so now we see each other a lot more, and we love it. Things progress, things move on. One day maybe you are your gf will move in together, when you are ready of course, and you will see her all the time. As others have said, things won't stay this way forever. Maybe you need to be thankful for the time you spend with her, think of those in LDRs, who only see their other halfs on holidays etc.

 

Make every moment count

[ghost69]

wait and talk to her. you had another thread about wanting to talk to her about it. wait until you actually do. bring up your thoughts and feelings and go from there. maybe she isn't the one for you. maybe she wants to work it out.