iminpain Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Right now, in this moment, I am aware that I don't want my ex-gf back, nor do I want closure about "us". She was very hurtful during and after the break-up. My whole sense of self-worth, self-respect, self-esteem was broken with her judging, blaming, shaming, scapegoating, carping, grass-is-not-green and that there-was-no-grass-to-begin-with, etc... I was utterly broken by all this because not only was the relationship broken, but my whole being was broken as if it had been assaulted. The pain is/was still raw after almost two years. For awhile I was holding on to the hope that I may express myself to her about how things were for me emotionally before, during and after the break-up. How much I've learned about myself and about relationships, that I've changed from this experience. But now, in this moment, I am content having all this new knowledge without the desire to share it with her. Right now, at this moment, I can see the possibility of living my life peacefully and contently without the blame, the shame, the guilt, the need for her approval and for her acceptance of me with all my qualities and imperfections. This is a moment, I don't know how I'm going to feel later. But right now, at this moment, I am seeing the possibility of finding my balance as if for the first time. A balance that I can call my own. -iminpain signing out... Link to comment
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