ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I just got an email from my best friend telling me that he no longer wants me in his life. I have been depressed for the past couple of weeks and I have had some minor health issues. He is having problems with his wife and I was stuck in the middle. Whenever I hang out with both of them, I have to watch them fight and bully each other. I told them that I don't want to be in the middle, and now he is blaming me for his unhappiness and telling me that he no longer wants to talk to me. I am very confused. I sent an email telling him that I want to keep in touch and that I hope he can work out his issues with his wife, but I doubt that I will ever hear from him again. With friends like mine, who needs enemies, right? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Hey, I am sorry. I am sure when the dust settles he will see sense. I always make a point to STAY out of people's marriage for just this reason. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 I am not sure what to do because I am friends with his wife as well. I suppose I need to respect his need for space...or whatever this is, but I have no idea what happened and why he is shutting me out of his life. They had been talking about getting a divorce for the past year, but have not filed the papers or anything. I hate being blamed for things that are not under my control. Link to comment
Xetra Dax Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Wel your friend is not your enemy, he is the victim of rather unfortunate circumstances that currently give him a grim outlook on life. If you are a real friend, then you would send him an e-mail that would give him the possibility to get in touch with a marriage counseller. Furthermore i would advice him and tell him that you hold him in high regards, and hope he and his wife will act as a team to hit the ball instead of the players, and tackle their problems by working together to solve them instead of fighting eachother. Also if you do not get any response, send him a card with the adress of the marriage counceller on it in a letter adressed to him. Do that ,and Keep us updated. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I would stay out of his marriage altogether. Let them have space for now and wait for the dust to settle. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 They tried marriage counseling but even that did not work. I have no way of helping but I am also not the cause of their problems and that is what hurts the most. The fact that I am being blamed for his unhappiness. I did send an email wishing them well and explaining that this is not my fault and that I hope they can work things out.....but that does not mean that I will ever hear from him again. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 I hope that they figure out what to do with their marriage. I hate to lose my friends forever. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 How do you know that she isn't putting the pressure on him to end the friendship with you? Link to comment
Zeitgeist Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 If he doesn't say why he blames you for his unhappiness, then how do you know that you're not a part of the problem? You may very well have nothing to do with it, but until he communicates why he blames you, you don't really know what the problem actually is. Whatever it is, it's serious enough that he doesn't want you in his life anymore. I think you should try to find out. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 His wife is not blaming me because she is still in touch with me and does not know that he feels this way. He says that he is annoyed and does not want to deal with anyone or anything. He says that he is depressed as well and cannot be around me as a result. I think that he has some issues with relationships in general and he cannot handle communicating his problems. I am upset that a friendship has to end like this. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 This is the same friend who has the gambling problem and who tried going to GA and therapy but was unable to stop. He has a ton of issues, so I am probably better off without him in my life, but it still hurts to lose a friend. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Friendships sometimes end over much less. It's sad, but that's life- it happens- Lifelong friends are rare. All you can do is respect his wishes and move on. Link to comment
Zeitgeist Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Well, what I would do is send him an e-mail or a letter that says, you are sorry for all the things going on in his life and that you regret that he does not want you in it. Tell him that you will respect his wishes and that you will always care deeply for him as a friend and hopes that he will change his mind someday. Then you walk away with your dignity intact. And who knows what the future holds? He may remember your kindness and your respect and wish for you to be back in it. People say things they regret when they are not themselves. And it sounds like he's not himself right now. But it's not up to you to save him. Link to comment
Stardusk Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I had a 'friend' 'dump' me because I wasn't always a bundle of joy. That is not a true friend. Don't worry about. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 He sent another email telling me that he is depressed and upset and that he cannot be around me and does not want to talk about it, so....I sent him an email telling him that I understand how he feels and that I hope he will be able to work out his issues and be happy someday. I think that is enough for now. I am not sure what will happen next. I hope that we can be friends again. Link to comment
Zeitgeist Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 He sent another email telling me that he is depressed and upset and that he cannot be around me and does not want to talk about it, so....I sent him an email telling him that I understand how he feels and that I hope he will be able to work out his issues and be happy someday. I think that is enough for now. I am not sure what will happen next. I hope that we can be friends again.I think that was the right move to make. He's well aware that he's not in his right frame of mind. And even if it's not today, he will eventually recognize and appreciate the value of a friend who accepts him even at his worst moments. And even if it's unintentional, he's actually doing you a favor right now in not letting his drama affect your life. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 I think that was the right move to make. He's well aware that he's not in his right frame of mind. And even if it's not today, he will eventually recognize and appreciate the value of a friend who accepts him even at his worst moments. And even if it's unintentional, he's actually doing you a favor right now in not letting his drama affect your life. I am looking at it as a positive thing in the end. I was very uncomfortable being in the middle of the fights with his wife and being asked to take sides when we would all get together. I told them that I did not want to be a part of this and that must be why he is no longer interested in keeping in touch with me. I wonder if his wife will try to contact me. She does not have any other friends in the area. Link to comment
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