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“Everything Happens For A Reason”

now what71

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Anyone else get tired of hearing this little gem whilst going through divorce? It must have been spewed to me about 100 times during the months leading up to mine. Anyone that’s come out onto the other side of this that can elaborate?



Personally speaking, it seems like the only “reason” for this so far has been to decimate me financially,emotionally,and even physically to an extent.


I realize that things will get brighter eventually….but the dark periods are pretty damn dark!

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I despise it when people say this. Everything absolutely does NOT happen for a reason. I agree with what others have said so far in that I think this is just a lame saying for people who do not know what else to say. In my opinion, if people are at a loss of what to say to someone who is experiencing a difficult situation, then they should say nothing; it would be less offensive then hearing someone tell you "everything happens for a reason". Tell that to the parent that has just lost a child, the person who has just lost their job, become seriously ill, the list goes on and on. It's simply the most inappropriate thing to say to someone.

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I didn't realize just how much I despised this cliche until my wife's friend, who just happened to be a Notary, and just happened to be newly single after HER divorce,came over with our divorce papers so she could witness them being signed.


I sighed, signed the papers and said "This sucks".


Her response? Everything happens for a reason. Ugh. Then they went to some bar and did shots till 4:30 AM in celebration. Which I suppose may have been the "reason".

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I know it can sound really cliche...but is there not validity in the statement? if we approach life and the situations that come upon us as lessons to learn then it is true, everything happens for a reason.

I know it's hard to see it when the choice is taken away from you (and to dagless please don't see me as insensitive b/c your story is heart breaking and i truly do not have words to express...just know that my heart goes out to you) but in terms of break ups and divorce, if we choose to see each relationship and its breakdown as a life lesson it is certainly more empowering than if we remain angry, bitter and baffled.

I know for myself I have had some super crappy things happen in my life and in the midst of all that it was all dark and unknown but looking back everything has brought me to this point and I wouldn't change any of it because I am now able to embrace who i am and how i got to be here.

I think it would be empowering to try and find the lessons.

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There is an old saying which goes; "'Tis better to keep your mouth shut and have people suspect you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."


That's a favorite of mine also, Dagless.


I also hate the comments of "Are you OK?" but with that melodramatic tone in their voice. Some throw in a follow up of "How will you take care of yourself?" because obviously a woman alone cannot survive without her cheating, non-financially supportive, lazy, abusive son of a female dog of a husband.


Yes, divorce is a devastation and it should never be trivialized, but gosh, I will heal and recover, and yes I am older and I may never remarry, but then again, do they say this stuff to the widows? Nope, they are kind and consoling, to a woman whose husband left, they throw in some uncalled for stuff.


For me, and I know many others there is truth in that statement in SOME cases, not in every situation. For me personally it was true, but after what I have gone through, I don't relish hearing that comment from those not close to me. I do believe that in life we find ourselves on different paths and we can never wonder where the other path would nave taken us, it is no longer a possibility, so we make the best of the path we are on. In the long run that path we walk ends up being our life so we shouldn't waste too much time thinking of the path we missed.


A good example is if I hadn't married my first husband and went to work at the mine, I wouldn't have met my second husband and my daughter's father. Both rather crappy marriages but I was gifted a beautiful daughter from this. I still haven't found my "gift" for my last fiasco though!!

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Some people find comfort in thinking that there is a reason for the various piles of excrement life throws at us from time to time. It helps them re-focus and actively look for any positives and build on those instead of looking at all that's going wrong and letting those many things drag them down.


Maybe they are right to believe there's a reason, maybe they are wrong.


Ultimately, if you want to believe that it's all chaos and a series of random events and there is no meaning, that's up to you.


All I know from my own experiences is that believing there is a reason and a purpose puts me in a much better frame of mind to re-build than not believing that.


And cut those who say this to you some slack -- it's entirely possible they have good intentions toward you and are telling you this because they sincerely believe it would help you to be reminded.


But again, that's another choice we each get to make about how we look at things: "someone's saying this to me because they care about me and their intentions are good" or "someone's saying this to me because they don't know what else to say and are just spouting off some meaningless cliche that's a bunch of hooey." Dunno about you but I feel markedly different -- which colors my entire day and every decision I make -- when I choose to think one of those things than when I choose to think the other.

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