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Not Sure what is going on

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I have a bit of a problem that I am trying to solve. I have been in a long term relationship with a male (over 5 years). Our relationship has not always been the greatest as he is/was a work-a-holic and despite the fact that it was a long distant relationship, we did not see too much of each other (only on weekends and holidays). A couple years ago, I started having feelings towards women... not in a sense of wanting to have sex with them. Just an attraction really. I spoke with my bf about it and he was supportive of everything. He asked me if I wanted to take a break so I could explore these feelings. I told him no. It put me into a depression because I did not know how to understand these feelings. Eventually, these feelings went away...Now whenever I get myself into high stress situations, these feelings tend to pop up making my life even more unbearable.


Now I am at the point in my life where these feelings of attraction have come back. I'm thinking that it is from all these years of suppression are finally coming out. I am attracted to men and enjoy sex with men; however, I think there is a curiosity with women... I am just very scared and do not know what to make of all that is going on. Could I be bi? Or maybe I am lesbian???


Recently my relationship with my bf has become much stronger. We see each other more and we plan on moving in together very soon. Even though our relationship has grown closer, I feel as though I want to push him away in fear. Fear of what I am not sure and another part of me wants to hold him close. I feel so lost and confused. I do not know what to do.


I am afraid because I do know I want to be with my bf, but these feelings keep popping up. Do I need to explore them in order to know for sure? I guess I should also mention that I have also had these "mini" thoughts towards women as a kid as well, but thought that this was normal. Any suggestions???

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You were open with him before and he responded in a very supportive manner. I would go back to him at this juncture and tell him how you are feeling now, and the two of you can decide how you want to handle it in your relationship. In my opinion, it would be important to feel more resolved about this before moving in and making a greater commitment. You both deserve to know where your feelings stand.

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Here's the thing. That feeling will "never" go away. You will always feel like you are missing something in your life. Your bf could give you everything you need and want from him, but you will not feel 100%. It's not a big deal that you have these feelings towards women, there's no reason to stress about this. It sounds like your bf is very understanding and if it's meant to be for you two, it will be. However, before you get into something even more long term with him, I think that you should explore this. It doesn't mean that you have to go out and have sex with a woman but perhaps, go into the scene with some supportive friends and see what it's like. I dated guys like crazy till i was 19 and then realized what i was missing. It's now been 11 years since I've been with a guy and if i ever got the feeling to be with a man, why would i fight it? It's not the gender, it's the person. Hope this helps. Good luck!

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Thank you so much for your responses...


I have been feeling better and have spoken with my bf about it. He is still very supportive and again has asked if I want to go and explore these feelings... The funny thing is that despite the fact that I do have these feelings, I do not want nor have the urge to have sex with a woman. My friend says I have to try it or I will never get it out of my system... Yeah it is NOT something i feel comfortable with as I do not want to have any sexual relations with a stranger. I am not comfortable with that.... I am thinking that it will all work out in the end and what is meant to be will be..


BTW I agree that I should not label myself. In general, I hate labels anyway. I just want to be me!!

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