sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Okay I have a question for you all. If you had friends you've known for awhile and that they have declared their feelings for you, would you still continue being their friend? Personally, on several occasions I stop being their friend but I still have some friends who I am still friends with........Recently, however, I've been reconsidering this. Why continue being friends? I know on their end there is that hope one day I will return those feelings. Right? Thanks. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 When friends tell me that they like me and I don't like them, I avoid situations where it is just us two. When friends tell me that they like me and I have a boyfriend, I avoid them completely. The smart ones will stop being friends with people they have feelings for. There is hope that they will one day return the feelings, but, not a lot. A lot of agony is more like it. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 They usually are the ones who stop being my friends because I don't reciprocate and make it clear I never will. A few who stay though, got over it and we don't mention it again. I wouldn't stop being friends with them unless they were persistent. I'm sure that feelings can go away even if they're still friends with you. Most people just get over it. Obviously, if they were like in love with you... that'd be different. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I can't be friends with someone who likes me. Although one of the friends I stopped talking to years back because he said he did like me, he said he realised he wasn't the person for me. Its uncomfortable to hang out with someone who likes you. My ex best friend, he just calls here and there to check up on me. He told me he loves me, I didn't feel the same. He said it was killing him to be around me. So yeh. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I think it really depends on how mature the friends are. I have had crushes on people who didn't return my feelings. We still stayed good friends & eventually got over the crush. I cared about them enough to want them to be happy even if it wasn't with me. Now, on the flip side of that I have a friend that we just went through a really rough time b/c of his crush on me. Was very immature about it, being rude to my new boyfriend, stuff like that. I was married the whole time I knew him, it was somewhat of an issue then, but when I divorced & he wasn't the one I chose after, things got real weird. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hmm thank you for all your answers. I have had one friend confess that he loves me. Eek. Yet I had had remained friends with him...I think partly because I felt guilty when I used to flake on him (and he has some abondenment issues....). So part of me has been working on not being flakey and what not. And I admit, I have led him on the last couple times we hung out. Long before leading him on though that was when he confessed to me. Now I'm starting to feel guilty because well, I've lead him on, said yes to going to a music concert Oct. 11 but now feel uncomfortable. I don't know why I do this. I'm thinking about cancelling and explaining, maybe email? (I know it's impersonal) being uncomfortable...What do you think? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Well, if you do decide to not go to the concert, explain why. Tell him that you know that he has feelings for him, and that you feel like you are leading him on. Tell him that you still want to be friends but you are worried that, in the end, you'll hurt him. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Well my best friend was a male for quite a few years. Somewhere along the lines he confessed his feelings for me. I had to tell him it wasn't mutual, and we tried to maintain the friendship, but it was HARD. I had to really think of what I said and did not to give out any mixed signals, and he would constantly read into everything..dinner with him was never just dinner....movies with him was never just movies. The friendship ended on its own. It was way too hard on the both of us. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hmm thank you for all your answers. I have had one friend confess that he loves me. Eek. Yet I had had remained friends with him...I think partly because I felt guilty when I used to flake on him (and he has some abondenment issues....). So part of me has been working on not being flakey and what not. And I admit, I have led him on the last couple times we hung out. Long before leading him on though that was when he confessed to me. Now I'm starting to feel guilty because well, I've lead him on, said yes to going to a music concert Oct. 11 but now feel uncomfortable. I don't know why I do this. I'm thinking about cancelling and explaining, maybe email? (I know it's impersonal) being uncomfortable...What do you think? why do you feel you led him on? because you agreed to go to a concert? that does not sound like leading on.. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 So it would be ok to be 'friend's? Would that be fair to either of us? Whenever we hang out it'se usually jsut us two Sigh Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 why do you feel you led him on? because you agreed to go to a concert? that does not sound like leading on.. Ah I guess I left something out. Heh. Well the last two times we hung out I had kissed him. But....I think in the end it was due to loneliness I had been feeling. Because most often, I don't really think of him..... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Ah I guess I left something out. Heh. Well the last two times we hung out I had kissed him. But....I think in the end it was due to loneliness I had been feeling. Because most often, I don't really think of him..... Ha, yeah, you need to stop doing that. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Ah I guess I left something out. Heh. Well the last two times we hung out I had kissed him. But....I think in the end it was due to loneliness I had been feeling. Because most often, I don't really think of him..... you kissed him? on the lips? you would not kiss him if you were not attracted to him... so why you are not interested in dating him? and yes by kissing him you did lead him on... you are being unfair to him. he should stop seeing you. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 you kissed him? on the lips? you would not kiss him if you were not attracted to him... so why you are not interested in dating him? and yes by kissing him you did lead him on... you are being unfair to him. he should stop seeing you. Yeah, I agree. You want to kiss him but you don't want to date him. Why don't you want to date him? Link to comment
My Advice Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 sweet you need to put distance between yourself and this guy until he is over you or else it will end badly for him. But first tell him that there is no chemistry. It isn't because he is ugly or anything, but you are just not physically or emotionally attracted to him, never were, and never will be. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Yes shame on me. I know. Why do I not want to date him......... Good question. I can't see myself having anything long term I suppose. I don't want to be tied down right now and he has already confessed his love to me. He's pretty much ready to buy me a rock if I wanted one. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Yes shame on me. I know. Why do I not want to date him......... Good question. I can't see myself having anything long term I suppose. I don't want to be tied down right now and he has already confessed his love to me. He's pretty much ready to buy me a rock if I wanted one. Oh, so, it isn't THIS guy. You just don't want anyone. Fair enough. Have you told him that? Iunno....I really think you could be missing out here. Why exactly don't you want anything long term? Recovering from a breakup? Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 To add more to this story, we did have a sexual experience when we pretty much first met....like two years ago. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 To add more to this story, we did have a sexual experience when we pretty much first met....like two years ago. lady, you are clearly leading this guy... have some conscience and let him go.... this is why it is such a bad idea for a guy to be friends with a girl that he is attracted to.... he WILL be taken advantage of by the girl.... gawd i hate women that do this. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Welllllll............................... I still on casual dates with others....Did have a summer fling for a few months though. My last really bf ended this January so I'm over that. An ex did pop up in my life in August and tried to guilt trip me, so I think I'm still recovering from that.... And I'm scared to start something new. There I said it! Oh, so, it isn't THIS guy. You just don't want anyone. Fair enough. Have you told him that? Iunno....I really think you could be missing out here. Why exactly don't you want anything long term? Recovering from a breakup? Link to comment
My Advice Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Sweet this guy would turn off any girl by putting that kind of pressure on her. Nothing is a bigger turn off than having someone pressure you to return their feelings. It destroys attraction even if there were strong attraction was there to begin with. I confessed to a girl how strongly I felt for her once who had a crush on me. She was fragile to begin with and later told me how I came on too strong and scared her away so that she didn't feel any attraction anymore. You need to put distance between yourself and him. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 I know...and I'm starting to feel guilty for it. It isn't right. I don't know why I do this. I am learning/maturing though. I really am. lady, you are clearly leading this guy... have some conscience and let him go.... Link to comment
My Advice Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 sweet you like the validation. He is your worshiper. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Welllllll............................... I still on casual dates with others....Did have a summer fling for a few months though. My last really bf ended this January so I'm over that. An ex did pop up in my life in August and tried to guilt trip me, so I think I'm still recovering from that.... And I'm scared to start something new. There I said it! Well, put aside your fear. There, you like him now? Why let go of a guy that you clearly want to kiss and already know that you like (at least on the friend level, probably more than that if you just let yourself) who treats you very well because of how badly your ex treated you? I would try and get rid of what fears you have of something long term. Then decide if you like him. I bet deep down you do. Link to comment
sweetooth Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 I don't know how to get rid of the fears. As for the ex, it was a mutual breakup. Yes I kissed him but I also kissed someone else this past weekend.....And I figured if I really don't think about it often then I really don't like him. Eep. Well, put aside your fear. There, you like him now? Why let go of a guy that you clearly want to kiss and already know that you like (at least on the friend level, probably more than that if you just let yourself) who treats you very well because of how badly your ex treated you? I would try and get rid of what fears you have of something long term. Then decide if you like him. I bet deep down you do. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.