Patients, LC paying off? We shall see...

[ryan2000]

When my ex finally did see me and talk to me she didn't find a depressed, teary slug but quite the opposite. She's even commented to the fact that I never made one call begging her back, sent one letter or text in desperation. The only thing she got was a letter of apology from me that said nothing of wanting her back but instead asking her forgiveness for my actions and wishing her luck. She was actually expecting those calls and things and when she realized they weren't coming is when she called.

 

 

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO. THAT IS EXACTLY WHO I NEED TO BE.

 

Thank you. I'm gonna print this out and stick it to every #$&*ING wall in my house!

 

Cheers.

[blue_dahlia]

 

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 18 Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackOps

When my ex finally did see me and talk to me she didn't find a depressed, teary slug but quite the opposite. She's even commented to the fact that I never made one call begging her back, sent one letter or text in desperation. The only thing she got was a letter of apology from me that said nothing of wanting her back but instead asking her forgiveness for my actions and wishing her luck. She was actually expecting those calls and things and when she realized they weren't coming is when she called.

 

 

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO. THAT IS EXACTLY WHO I NEED TO BE.

 

Thank you. I'm gonna print this out and stick it to every #$&*ING wall in my house!

 

Cheers.

 

I also feel that an important component of BlackOps situation, as well as my own (I'm currently dating my ex, but we're not back together) is that we truly believed and accepted that the relationship was over. Completely over. I never thought for one second that my ex and I would be dating again. Never. I had moved on.

 

When you truly let go, you learn to live for yourself. You're not thinking about anyone but you. It's so exhausting to hold on. When you let go, all that energy is on you, to make you a better person, an independent person, a genuinely happy person.

[BlackOps]

The officially getting back together talks have been really going well. We start couples therapy next week and that is really what has held back her moving in. Well that and we'll have to buy out the remainder of her lease on the house she rents. We want to be smart about things and make sure we are making the right decision for the both of us. We love each other and love spending time with each other but that doesn't mean we should be together. I think it will work but I'm keeping an open mind in all of this.

We've been spending almost everyday after work together and we talk daily on the phone and it feels much better than it ever did so the areas we needed to work on seem to have been worked on with us both. We have both acknowledged that we are dating and are comfortable with that and our friends have all been supportive of it if this is what we want. This weekend we are spending the weekend in a cabin up on the mountain and we both are looking forward to it. I never thought that this would happen but I've got to say that life's pretty good right now.

[COtuner]

Inspirational, BlackOps. Even though my ex and I committed to being "back together", we both know that isn't quite as easy as it sounds. I think it was more a commitment to work on building a better relationship (and improving ourselves). I'm watching your progress with interest, as it sort of validates my own thoughts on what is important if a real fighting chance is to exist.

 

Has your ex said anything recently that leads you to believe she is thinking long term? Mine has - he wants a future together but that same wish is what is scaring him. He is afraid we'll fail again. (good, in my opinion, because it means he wants to avoid the same pattern)

[BlackOps]

Has your ex said anything recently that leads you to believe she is thinking long term? Mine has - he wants a future together but that same wish is what is scaring him. He is afraid we'll fail again. (good, in my opinion, because it means he wants to avoid the same pattern)

 

She really wants to move to Portland Oregon and asked if I wanted to go with her. I told I would go but that it meant a huge commitment on both of our parts, but yes I would go. It would be in the summer of '09 that she wants to go, a little soon after getting back together (the cautious side of me warns) but I am open to it. We are committed to working on the us part before we say we are back together, though we spend nearly everyday with each other, that will come soon enough. She called a few minutes ago and asked if she could come over and stay the night. Ah, but of course she can. Take care CO, I'm watching your story with interest as well.

[BlackOps]

I haven't been around much not because I don't feel I need to post anymore but just really busy.

So an update. We started therapy and the therapist is fantastic she's a very experienced psychotherapist and we both like her and feel she can help us. We went to the cabin and spent 2 days and 2 nights in the mountains, hiking, laying around watching movies and having a great time together.

She'll come over and spend days at the house and it's been very nice waking up together. On the days when she doesn't stay over she'll call first thing in the morning so we're the first person we talk to. Some mornings I get a "Good morning" text and if I don't get one I send her one. This past weekend we took a day trip into california for a party that was thrown by a skateboard magazine I do work for from time to time. It was a fun day all in all with good friends and a picture of us together even found it's way into the article which was nice to see.

She seemed to be a little off last night, there's something going on with her and while I'm not 100% sure what it is I'm not reading anything into to. It's way to easy to get into the mindset that it's something with us and I'm not going to fall into that since it leads to divergent behavior. When she is ready to talk about it she knows I'm here for her.

We have another therapy session this thursday, we didn't last week as the therapist was out of town. This week I want to focus on the problems from the past, problems she saw and that I may not even know about and if they are still there to talk about them and focus on fixing them so they are not brought into the new relationship. We've been talking about her moving home in the next few months after a few more therapy sessions if they continue to go well since a lot of the undue stress in her life is caused by her rather cold and aberrant roommate who has really shut her out of her life and is making living there hell.

[Sparkie]

I'm really glad to hear things are moving along nicely. One of the hardest things for me to learn was not to take every little 'bad mood' as a personal slight on me. Like the world revolves around me!! kudos to you for not falling for that trap. Keep up the sterling work my friend.

[COtuner]

You're way better off than we are. He's fallen back into old habits and it drags me back into old habits (anxiety, stressing about stuff in my life). I'm having to kick myself in the butt to stop the fall.

 

Congrats on staying self aware - looks like you really made that lesson stick!!

[BlackOps]

Funny you should bring that up Sparkie. She called me last night and had that "tone" again so I finally asked what was up. Of course she tells me that I'm "reading way to much into nothing." I explained that she usually gets that tone after a bad day and I knew that the assistant principal was giving her grief so I thought I'd asked, that was all. Turns out he had in fact had been up to his usual round of BS, but I apologized anyway if it came accross like I was making to much of nothing and I'd work on my delivery next time.

We talked for awhile longer and I expressed how happy I am with the way things were progressing and that I didn't want all of that progress beset by any lingering problems from the past and told her to call me out from time to time if I need it.

 

Falling back into old habits is a fear of mine too CO. I don't want us to rekindle the old relationship and bring along any ghosts. While most of the past was great there are a few things we need to be mindful of. That's where the hard work comes in, if I see an old habit rear it's head, I shut it down and do the opposite. So far that has worked well. The big thing right now is just to relax and take everything in stride. I'm acting more like we are dating for the first time. If she calls she calls, she doesn't she doesn't. In the mean time I know I'll see her Thursday for therapy and she probably won't leave until Sunday night. Not everything is a warning sign, or a sign at all.

I hope you get your guy back on track.

[COtuner]

Funny you should bring that up Sparkie. She called me last night and had that "tone" again so I finally asked what was up. Of course she tells me that I'm "reading way to much into nothing." I explained that she usually gets that tone after a bad day and I knew that the assistant principal was giving her grief so I thought I'd asked, that was all. Turns out he had in fact had been up to his usual round of BS, but I apologized anyway if it came accross like I was making to much of nothing and I'd work on my delivery next time.

 

now THAT sounds like my guy and me totally over the last year. The defensive reaction plus the delivery tone without the body language to help determine intent. It would get to the point we could break into a fight on the spot just over that!

[BlackOps]

Finally time to breathe a little. The 100 hour work weeks are over and now it's off to a convention to see how our product is received.

Definitely been an interesting few weeks but it's been very good between us. The therapy sessions are going very well, our therapist has done us a lot of good and we've both done what she has told us to do and taken it to heart and it's made a world of difference. I gave her a key not to long ago and she asked if she could come over, I was on the freeway and told her I'd meet her there. When I got there she met me at the door and threw her arms around me, buried her face in my neck and said she loved me and wanted to move home. She'd been thinking a lot about it and that's what she'd like to do if I wanted her to. "I just sleep better with you next to me" she said. A lot more than there is space for was talked about and accomplished but we've begun working on her moving back in the coming weeks since she has 6 weeks off over the holidays and the more she stays at the house the more closet space I seem to lose and I couldn't be happier about that.

We were on the couch last night watching T.V. while I worked and I looked over the top of my MacBook at her sitting next next to me and had the realization that it wasn't very long ago I thought it was over and done with and never thought I be sitting next to her in our home like this again. A few months ago I was fine with the break up, fine with being alone and fine with whatever the future held. It's funny, I didn't join ENA to help with the healing of the divorce and certainly not to get her back but only because she started calling me and I couldn't figure out why and now nearly 3 months after joining we're in therapy to get back together and here she is sitting next to me in our home saying she is going to get ready for bed. Life is pretty weird sometimes, just when you're fine with the way things are they change on you. Reading stories by COTuner, Sparkie, BlueDahlia and others helped me figure out what I wanted and helped me do and say the right things and take things slow once I figured out that I did want her back.

No real point to this I guess, just a quick update. I'll write more after this damn convention is over.

[COtuner]

Good luck with the convention! I've done the trade show thing - showing off our stuff and keeping an eye out for potential business partners to expand upon value-add or new uses / enhancements. Long days, lots of contact reports

 

I'm really glad things are going so well for you two! I hope I get to the point we can introduce some therapy too. I think the structured discussions, and time set aside for that purpose would be helpful, rather than the blurting out of thoughts and random discussions at odd times. As congenial as things are, inevitably someone will hit a nerve and it would be good to have a professional there to help with conflict resolution tools.

[blue_dahlia]

Hey Ops,

 

I have been thinking about you and wonder how your story played out. I hope you're well.

 

~ BD