Lessons learnt and Accountability.

[Jon1973]

Hi Folks,

 

I would like to share something with you all today, as I feel very lucky.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a thread where I bemoaned about my partners 'behaviour' and how I felt she was acting out of turn. Last weekend I had an epiphany of sorts, although it wasn't the most pleasant of situations but it certainly made me wake up to what actually was going on.

 

In my thread, I raised and highlighted certain aspects of my partners behaviour that I thought were relevant and even worded things to a certain extent that would swing the publics vote in my favour. I realise now that I was reading too much into these situations and finding and making problems where there weren't any.

 

Let me explain, briefly; I have, like many of you, had a long line of bad relationship experiences. Up until four months ago, I had abandoned hope that I would ever find anyone that I could click with and who would be a decent human being. That all changed in late May. The first two months of being with 'G' were amazing, but slowly and surely I let my baggage, fears and insecurities take over. In my fear, I started to read things wrong and allowed myself to get wound up, to the point where I would become irrational, moody and just generally hard to live and get along with. 'G' became the recipient of my harsh words, scathing sarcasm and childish sulks.

 

'G' has the patience of a saint, but will not suffer fools gladly. Over the last couple of months, the relationship has been very up and down. This weekend just past, 'G' had finally had enough. She read me the riot act and told me some home truths that I found very hard to swallow. In that moment, I knew that I had no choice but to swallow them and take the points she was making on board...because I suddenly realised how important she is to me. I knew that if she ended the relationship there and then, I would regret screwing it up for the rest of my days. I had become so self-consumed with proving that she was having an affair, afraid of committing, using me, etc, that I had lost sight of what I have.

 

To be honest, it was touch and go. 'G' didn't know if the relationship was worth saving. She had had enough. However, we talked and I admitted that I was dragging past experiences into this relationship and jumping to the wrong conclusions. Last night, 'G' told me that she doesn't want to lose me, providing that I take steps and alter the way I approach our relationship then we will be fine.

 

This morning, I booked an appointment to see my doctor. I am going to ask him to refer me to a counsellor. I promised I would do whatever it takes to keep this relationship and I am going to stand by it.

 

Truth is, I don't know what the future holds. We are starting afresh, slowly and taking one day at a time. At the end of the day, whatever happens..we can't say that we didn't try.

 

Why am I sharing this? Well, if anyone reading this can relate to the way I had been towards my partner then I would urge you to take steps to change. A special person is rare; once in a lifetime at best. I don't want to look back and say 'if only..', or 'what if...', or 'I wish I had tried harder..' Life is too short to be miserable, but it can be long haul without your potential soul-mate.

 

Thanks for reading this

[Seraphim]

How true! Most people do not want to be accountable but like to project their own failings and the failings of other people onto their SO. And you would be VERY surprised how often many people never learn that lesson. You are in the minority. Good on you for learning something very valuable.