Back here after a year.

[venquessa1607306442]

I can't remember my last post here. I dont really intend to look. I did arrive to find a personal message from someone who was in a similar position to me.

 

Back in Dec-2002 I was ... dumped, straight out of nowhere from a 7 year relationship. Need I say, "BOOOOOMMMMMMMM!"? Life shattered around me, I first paniced, then begged, then cried, smashed cups, head butted walls, punched walls. Non of it helped. I was in hell, with no release.

 

I tried almost every angle on the X, with 2 objectives, 1, get back with her, and 2, find out what the hell happened! None of it came to anything, paranoia ran riot in my heart and mind, poluted me. It was a vicious circle. I ended up questioning every judgement I made, not just in the present, but the past and future. Basically I destabilised mentally. Lost all ego and almost all self respect. Who was I? I couldn't be any good if I caused something so bueatiful to end, maybe it was this reason or that reason that she left me. Round and round and round, each time (though you dont realise it) you go down a step.

 

Any of you there? Any of the above ring out to you? My heart goes to you, completely.

 

My advice is, don't punish yourself. It's not that you dont deserve it, (even though you probably think you) you dont! I can't change your mind, on that, I know what you are feeling. (I was there remember).

 

You have been punished enough. If it was something you did, or something you didnt' there is no reason to give yourself hell, or imerse yourself in it.

 

Why? Because you will come back out the other end. Trust me. It's a little like the day after. If you sat the last night thinking, "ah... I'll just have another, I'm drunk already, what does it matter", then you will suffer a worse hangover, that if you called it quits, "because" you were driunk already. See my point? The more you punish yourself and continue to put yourself down and fret, suffer and questioin yourself, the more you have to repair when this is over.

 

It will settle, I promise. A few questions and answers...

 

Does it still hurt? Yes.

Will it always hurt me? Yes.

Does it get in the way of my life right now? No.

Does it get easier? Yes.

Does it get harder sometimes? Yes.

Did I change dramacitcally from before till now? No. However I learnt a LOT about myself, people and what is important to myself and how I handle life.

Do I still think about her everyday? Yes.

Does she still think about me everyday? Unknown, but probebly.

Am I still in love with my X? this is a catch I still have to solve.... Yes.

Have I met anyone else? Yes. I met a girl in Uni, 2 kids, petite, attractive... but. I can't fall in love. It seems as merely a distraction, I fear I am still in love with my X.

Would I like to get back together with my X? Yes, no and dont know. You have to be aware in (our) position, it will never be the same. Sorry for blunt facts but its true. I would like to try, now I feel myself again, I can be myself again, and she loved that once, it's worth an investigation... if the oppurtunity arose.

Am I going to run after her, phone her, call at her door? No. Not unless I have a real reason to. I contact her occasionaly, like xmas, to say hello, I say hi when I see her in the street. I would like to make an attempted move when and only when I feel secure that I can... and I can accept rejection also. So not quite yet. I could take the rejection, but I am not ready to try.

 

So what was this about?

 

Oh yea, keep you chin up. It does get better as you go. It takes time, lots of it, but it does get better. Dont put yourself down too much, it will only be you who has the job to bring you back up.

 

BFN

[neallo82288]

Thanks for the encouraging words that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I thought that I was through the tunnel, but it appears that I am at the end of the tunnel and just want to look out into the light and not want to enter the light. Why, I don't know. I have found out recently that I am not ready for a relationship just yet. Too muchgoing through my head. Why does she keep prancing through my head? Why does she stay on my mind? I have moved on, but when I try to get close to another female, the ex goes waltzing through my mind. Thanks for the inspiration that I am on the right track.

 

Very good post,

Neallo

[disEnchantid]

hi neallo and venquessa,

I feel a lot like you do. I have tried meeting some new guys, but I find I am just bored and uninterested. I just end up thinking about how my ex and I could talk for hours and I never once felt that way, we had so much in common and were so much alike. I thought it would cheer me up and take my mind off of him if I got positive attention from new guys, but it seems to be the opposite. The attention from anyone else is still too unwanted, and only serves to make me miss my ex even more. I had thought I was past feeling so hurt and was settled in the anger stage, but I found myself sobbing in the shower again this morning. Maybe I just need to get used to the idea of being single for a while? Seems a little scary, but I don't see any other options right now.

 

-dE