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Help! I am struggling big time! Need advice and support!


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Hey man, that sucks...


I had a lot of similar issues with my ex (without the cheating), and I know how much being in a relationship like that tears you up...


She kept trying to seduce me back when emotional blackmail didn't work, and it sucked...


I don't know if it helps at all to know that there's someone out there that understands, but I'm telling you on the offchance.


I really feel for you.


I don't think there's any need to go into specifics with your new girl (nice catch, btw ), but you NEED to have the self control (use anger if necessary) to stop yourself from contacting or recieving contacts from your ex.


It will become easier as your self esteem returns, just take it slow with this new girl, she sounds amazing, and you don't want to ruin it with a rebound.


If you need to, just explain that you're not long out of a pretty nasty relationship and want to take things slow - she should be pretty understanding if you've got the right measure of her so far.


Good luck mate, hope you feel a little better.

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Hi Dan


I read your other thread and you have gotten some really good advice there. And you are also doing quite well all things considered.


I don't have much new to add, only to say you need to carry on what you have been doing and you have to give this a bit of time for this stuff to settle down.


I would be very very careful with this new girl though because you very clearly are not over your ex, and this is likely to blow up in your face at some point.


Take care mate - I know how it hurts.



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Thanks for this, I have been honest with my new girl, and she really does understand. She's amazing, but I can't help but struggle with this, and this morning is particularly bad. I can't stop crying at work, and all I want to do is end it all. I am really in a bad way, I have this silly, immature feeling that I'd do anything to have my ex back, and each day that goes by and I don't hear from her (despite my angry e-mails and her mom warning me off) I feel more and more that she is happy with someone else and doesn't need me anymore. I know that's silly, I should be mad about the way she treated me and the fact the lied and cheated big time, for the last 2 weeks we were together if not longer, but all I keep feeling is so unbelievably sad at the fact that she's moved on so fast, while I haven't.



Dan on Long Island.

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she's moved on so fast, while I haven't.


My ex moved on, then because she'd put most of her friends offside, figured that I was the only one she could talk to about it.


Hearing all the gooey details of how easy the girl you loved has become is not something I can recommend as a recreational activity, and it stopped me from moving on for a good while before I told her to jog on.


It does get easier, not quickly, and you will have slips, but having someone to remind you why life is so great does make the process a lot easier and smoother.


And tbh, my only warning would be to make sure you don't try subbing in this new girl and becoming prematuraly attached, but it sounds as though you have a good handle on that already.


If you can get yourself through the day-to-day issues, the big stuff will sort itself out, and you will fell better.

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It seems I've lost her for good this time.


Seriously, be thankful. relationships shouldn't be about conflict, hurt and drama. You *ARE* better off without her, and I'm in a pretty good position to say that.


Just watch out if you start healing and she starts contacting you again, becuase you'd better cut off your manhood before you let her hurt this new girl.


Seriously though, it will get easier, although gradually...


Until it does, you have us lol


And tell us how it goes with this new girl - I know this is an advice forum, but personally I like to hear if something bad has had a happy ending

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Its normal to want to be with the one who you love, but what love can you expect to receive by hugging thornbushes? You've been doing that for 3 years now and you continue to hurt yourself. Only by removing the thorns you can hold onto the rose.


Blaming is never good in the relationship but its extremely tempting,


-A relationship is teamwork, if there's a problem then you need to work together on solving the problem, not fighting eachother.

-If there's a problem you could say , lets sit down and discuss how we can solve this problem, if the partner starts blaming you should say, do you want to love me, or do you want to blame me?

-Don't allow yourself to be treated badly. Simply Walk away.

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Hey...dealing with a broken heart is not easy, especially when you're the one that got hurt in all this. The worse thing you can do is play the victim role.


Lets look at this at 20,000 feet. If she really loves you, she'll come around. And if she doesn't, she would have wasted your time for five or ten years and you would have ended up with the same outcome. So you lost nothing.

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-If there's a problem you could say , lets sit down and discuss how we can solve this problem, if the partner starts blaming you should say, do you want to love me, or do you want to blame me?

-Don't allow yourself to be treated badly. Simply Walk away.


I tried this, last month we agreed to meet for dinner with a lsit of pros and cons. I wrote, honestly, a long list of cons, and let her read them. She read them and had nothing to say beyond it's nothing she hasn't heard before and didn't make any effort, instead we continued to fight.


I just felt like no matter how hard I tried, she couldn't let go of things and move, she could never forgive me for my mistakes.


Yet despite it all, I'm missing her like nuts.

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