Time is your best friend and worst enemy

[Dani0613]

Whelp, I FINALLY did it. I told my ex (of 4 months) that I deserved more than to settle for a friendship after we're we've been and initiated NO contact. Though it's only been a week, I must say that I feel SO much better. It's been a week since we've spoken, but it's been well over 6 weeks since we've actually seen each other. This has to be one of the hardest things for me given how I feel about her. But, it's also giving me that chance to truly focus on myself and not worry about what she's doing, how she's doing, whether or not she's thinking about me etc.

 

She had called me last Sunday to let me know that she had sent me pictures of her with her new baby niece. I couldn't handle it any longer. Though she had told me that I was more than welcome to see the baby, she never asked me to go with her. But, she'll continuously send me pictures?? Was that easier for her? Regardless of her reasons, I finally stood up for myself and put an end to the contact we've maintained during our time apart. She said that she loved me, but understood.

 

Time is on my side, I know this. But, it's still can be so incredibly hard at the same time.

 

She's clearly not ready to be in a committed relationship, even though we were together for 1.5 years and talked about our life together. She wants to be alone and I have no choice but to respect that.

 

I would like nothing more than to be in each other's lives because aside from being lovers, we were best friends too. The break up wasn't horrible. In fact, when I got off the phone with her the other night, she said, "I love you". Though I am using this time for me to heal, would it be alright to reach out to her a few months down the road? Or, should I wait to see if she initiates contact? Do you think she will?

 

For now, this is what's best for me. But, not a day goes by that I don't think of her...

[Kahdeksan]

Hugs oh courageous one! Big hugs to yee.

 

You're doing so well considering the state you're in! I wouldn't be too concerned at this stage on whether or not she'll be accepting to you contacting her in the future. Just focus on you for now and the future will determine if there is a need for you to open up the line of communication.

 

Judging by the flow of the break up she knows where she stands with you and the reasons which led to this break up. So it would be all fine for you to initiate contact in a few months time when you're indeed over her. It wouldn't make a difference if she's to initiate contact with you though, as what you want is an open communication line with her. No real need for games... just friendship, that should sit adequately.

[kuhl282000]

After a break up I found people play so many different games its really hard to pin point anything sometimes. As far as I'm concerned every relationship is different, they all had different good and bad times.

 

Yours sounds like it was pretty normal .....and the break was not bad.

 

If you want me to read into things for you ......when she said she loves you would be a sign to me .........as far as space ....well the question is how much space do you give before someone you really care about you lose them for good to someone else. (thats a hard one) And I don't have the answer, because if they want to go back out there then that was their plan all along ........and that means without you.

 

You want to respect them .....and not push them at the same time.

 

She is telling you it ok to see the child ...thats pretty mature if you ask me.

 

I would stay in contact and follow my heart .........

 

Time is tricky and it can backfire on you sometimes .......it goes tick, tick, tick .....and its really slow when you miss them ..I'm guessing it is how it would be in prison if the judge gave you a very long sentence .....I could not do prison time, and the heartbreak time is even harder if you ask me.

 

Good Luck ....I like happy endings

[Dani0613]

Thanks guys.

 

Yes, she has said I could see the baby, but that's really because she wants to be alone and doesnt want to be in a relationship. For her, it would strictly be a friendship at this point and we all know that I'm not capable of that. So, me seeing the baby wouldn't affect her one way or the other.

 

I love her very much and know that I can't settle for anything less than what we had.

 

For now, what Im doing is working for ME.

[amure]

good on you mam

[Dani0613]

thank you!

 

Please don't get me wrong, this does hurt too. I miss her very much, but each day that passes is a day closer to being healed. Afterall, she wanted the break up. So, I'm giving it to her full force now. I was still a part of her life whether thru a phone call, email, or text. Now? I'm giving time to ME and I have to tell you, this self preservation crap is nice.

[Clabs]

Hi Dani

 

Well done you darling for taking back this control in YOUR life. You are right, this is self preservation because if you don't do it, you will end up driving yourself mad!

 

Keep strong and keep on this road to get YOU back.

 

Mark

[Dani0613]

thanks, mark. I finally woke up and recognized that all of my efforts were getting me nowhere. So, this is it..has to be done.