Still miss the ex after 18 monthss

[pilot]

I need some help from everyone. I still think about my ex everyday. Not in an obsessive "I want my boyfriend back" but throughout the day I am reminded about him or think about him. I am curious if that is normal.

 

I have not heard from him in about a year. I don't exist to him anymore. He has moved on. He is dating someone now and I have been seeing a few guys but nothing too serious.

 

We have many mutual friends so I hear about him and that is still tough. I smile and silently wish him all the best when someone tells me something I dont want to hear.

 

I am getting concerned that this is going to be with me forever.

 

I think part of the problem is that in the back of my head I still wish I had apologized for some of the things I did and who I was in the relationship.

 

I received so much great info on this site but the overall opinion was that I needed to wait for my ex to talk to me before I apologized. If I did apologize it needed to be years after the breakup. My gut tells me this was not the best thing to to.

 

I have realized so much since the relationship ended. I have become the person I always wanted to be. However, what is so hard is that it took him leaving for me to figure all this out. It is so true that it is the most painful events in our lives that shape who we are and cause us to learn the most.

 

I read the follwing quote from Maya Angelou everyday to help me through the day. I still can't help wish that things had turned out differently.

 

"You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!"

 

It seems like it should be easy to forget about someone who doesnt even acknowledge I exist. Yet, I miss him so much.

[denise_14]

people who've made so much impact in our lives are not easily forgotten. i understand what you're going through. i guess the least that you could wish for is that sooner or later, when he crosses your mind, you'll just smile and think of the fond memories and the things he and the relationship has taught you...that there'd be no more grudges or feelings of guilt and bitterness...

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hello Pilot,

 

I can hear your pain through your words. Your longing and yearning for him is palpable, and for that I give you a big hug xoxox

 

Congratulations on realising where you made mistakes, many people dont learn and keep repeating the same mistakes in each subsequent relationship so its good that youve done some reading and learning. I know that doesnt take away the thoughts of wanting to talk to him and/or apologise.

 

You have something very useful going for you in that you have mutual friends. So much time has elapsed that if you have changed and are a more mature person this information can be passed to him in the same way that information about him is passing to you.

 

Regrets about things in the past is normal. Judging by some postings on the forum so is hankering after an ex long after they are ex so don't feel bad.

 

maybe its decision time?

 

I saw a news clip on the local news the night before last where a couple who had been separated for 20yrs had reunited! A bit extreme I know, but it puts 18months into perspective.

 

Think hard if its just nostalgia and the desire to revisit the situation to try and put right what went wrong simply to clear your concience, or if you really believe he was your 'soul mate' and want a long term committed relationship with him which would make it worth the hard work, effort, tears and frustration that there were inevitably be with trying to rekindle things at this stage.

 

Whatever you decide I wish you the best,

 

love, Hope x

[kuhl282000]

I think you have never accepted the very hurtful loss .......and for some its very hard to do and I understand .......

 

Its different for everybody ........

 

My mother was divorced by my dad (both nice people) my mom did not want the divorce ....her life was shattered .......he was leaving her for a younger much more attractive woman .........it was sad and I felt bad for my mom ..........

 

Here is the point ......that was 35 years ago .......and she is still waiting, no kidding

She has never gone out once with a man in 35 years .........thats sad.

 

My sister and I don't even bring it up ......she has become bitter and distorted from all the time that has passed and in a way she let it destroy the remaining years of her life.......she actually thinks he will walk in the door someday to this day ........please don't be like my mom .......no one should have that power on another human being .....but it does happen .....but only if you let it .......over 6 billion people on the planet this was just one person .....and I know they meant the world to you .......I've been there myself ........I know the hurtful pain .......

 

I don't exist to him anymore. He has moved on. Thats the hard part you have to accept to start healing .....and I'm sending you something that will help and please listen to it all the way to the end ......get a cup of coffee or tea and put your feet up and just listen ......

 

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May you find some peace soon ......

[HoTung]

Hi - it took me 7 years to get over my ex before this one and now I feel like i have wasted a lot of precious time.

 

Its been 8 months since my current ex broke up with me and i still miss him - he is already seeing someone else. It hurts when i think about what we had and how i could have made it better. I am fiery and we argued a lot yet i loved him immensely. he comes into my thoughts every day but i also learnt from the previous relationship not to try and dwell - life is too short - we could be dead tomorrow

 

Even now i think about calling the current ex - but like you said - i don;t exist in his life anymore - he has moved on

[OrangeMoon]

.....

 

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May you find some peace soon ......

 

I was finally ready for this...really really great..

 

thank you

[cptanarky]

wrong thread...

[pilot]

Thanks everyone for the responses. It is just so hard to not be able to talk to someone that I care so much about.

 

i dont want to wait 20 years to talk to him....lol

 

A mutual friend told me that I have to get in my head that his refusal to talk to me or acknowledge that I am even around has really nothing to do with me, but more of a reflection of him.

 

...I still think it must be about me and something I did or didnt do that caused all this....

 

...sigh...off I go to study and eat some dinner.

 

Thanks again to everyone here at ENA.

[starlette08]

hey pilot,

 

im going through the exact same thing. i havent talked to my ex since january. tried contacting him a few times but no replies. im basically convinced that he doesnt want anything to do with me, and has cut me out of his life.

 

i wish he would at least say something like "stop contacting me, i dont want to hear from you!!!" because it would make it so much easier. instead, he just ignores every attempt i make to contact him.

 

what makes it harder is he txt msged my best friend to wish her a happy birthday, and didnt do so on mine. he has also maintained close contact with my sister..they still talk online or hang out and party.

 

i hope that one day i can talk to him too. he has been a huge part of my life and i cant erase someone like that out of my memory