How much is too much time together?

[Abbygail]

My boyfriend and I basically spend every night together. I'm very happy with the time we spend together and personally don't mind it, but I'm worried that this'll hurt us in the long run.

 

I want to tell him we should spend less time together, but the problem is we spend so much time together because neither of us really has anything else to do. So if I'm suddenly "busy" or unable to spend as much time together... he's going to know it's about him.

 

I'm asking about two things 1) if I'm spending too much time with him and 2) if so, how can I tell him I think we need to spend less time together without seeming uninterested?

[arwen]

I think it's only a problem when it is clear that one of you are not happy with the time spent together. You say you 'don't mind' which gives me the impression that it is his initiative mostly to spend the time together that you do. I think that if you want a relationship to work, these are exactly the issues that should be discussed in all honesty. You may have different needs, and he may simply not be aware of you needing some alone time- who can blame him if you don't tell him?

 

Don't make it a heavy talk, just say that you want to be alone sometimes. The less you walk around the issue, the less he will be likely to draw the wrong conclusion. It is not about him or you in fact; in the long run, it's about your relationship.

[miss_chris]

if you don't see a problem with it, and if he doesn't see a problem with it, then i think you are fine. nothing wrong with going out with the girls or guys one night a week or whatever.. or doing your own thing too

[JeckyllNHyde]

I spend every night with my bf. Not staying over though, just hanging out, watching a movie and cuddeling till midnight or so. Sometimes I'll skip it if I have something to do or I don't feel like going all the way there, or he has something to do. We just talk a bit on the phone then. I don't see how it would ruin things in the long run. The way I see it, let's say we where to get married someday (say years later). We'd have to spend every day together anyway, so as long as it happens slowly, I don't see anything wrong with seeing each other everyday.

 

One thing though, is that I find when things get routine it gets a bit boring. Momentarily I'm trying to find things to do so we see each other and go out too.

 

If you are feeling that you seem each other too much, then don't tell him directly "I think we should see each other less." This is a case where I think you should just tell him you are tired, or have something else to do. Just make sure you're not lying about what it is you are gonna do. If you formally tell him you want to see each other less, he will think it's a huge deal and may think something is wrong.

[Hosvius]

My boyfriend and I basically spend every night together. I'm very happy with the time we spend together and personally don't mind it, but I'm worried that this'll hurt us in the long run.

 

I want to tell him we should spend less time together, but the problem is we spend so much time together because neither of us really has anything else to do. So if I'm suddenly "busy" or unable to spend as much time together... he's going to know it's about him.

 

I'm asking about two things 1) if I'm spending too much time with him and 2) if so, how can I tell him I think we need to spend less time together without seeming uninterested?

 

I experienced this personally but I need some info about your time together to actually give you some advice. It depends on what you make of the time..Do you fight alot? Are you agervated with him? either way you both should have lives, what about your social life and your friends? Do you spend time with them? girls night etc? and the same for him? Everyone needs a break sometimes.

[Abbygail]

I'm happy with the time we spend together; I was mostly just worrying that it'd lead to problems down the road.

 

No, we don't fight at all actually. The relationship is still new so we haven't had any problems like that. I still have a lot of time without him to maintain a social life, etc, because he works most of the day and we usually hang out once he gets off.

[Hosvius]

I'm happy with the time we spend together; I was mostly just worrying that it'd lead to problems down the road.

 

No, we don't fight at all actually. The relationship is still new so we haven't had any problems like that. I still have a lot of time without him to maintain a social life, etc, because he works most of the day and we usually hang out once he gets off.

 

Well then it seems fine to me. Often with new relationships you are amazed with each other and want to be together, which is perfectly fine. As long as you still have your social life with your friends and aren't held down, there isn't anything wrong with it. As far as problems down the road, there usually and are red flags for this. Such as fighting, arguing, controlling issues and what not. I think you guys are simply fascinated with each other at this stage in the relationship. Good luck and hope all goes well for you guys

[_Asti_]

Its too much when other things get neglected.

Are you friends being ignored? Pushed aside? Are you choosing to be with each other every night and disregarding family and friends?

 

I think there needs to be a balance with everything. I would love to spend every night with my boyfriend, but personally I don't think its all that healthy. I have too many other things and people that need my attention and at the end of the day if I spent every night with him, things and people would suffer.

 

I also firmly believe that you need hobbies, interests and social life outside of your partner. I believe in that old saying of 'they aren't your life, only part of your life'

 

So for me, spending every night together is too much because of everything else that is out there that needs time and energy.

 

But if you can find the balance where you are doing it, and everything is going well..then enjoy it.

But like mentioned, the monotony of it may set it down the road...but I think that will be discussed more likely if and when it occurs.

 

If the relationship is fairly new, its normal and expected. Its when you close of everything and everyone and seclude yourselves from the outside world, like I see happen very often..that its a little much.