When you meet intellectually impressive women who just don't look all that good...

[Stardusk]

Just after about a week in York I have met this very cool smart, well informed and intellectually gifted Japanese girl. We have fascinating conversations about American foreign policy, Japanese/Asian cultural relations, general history, politics, trade and economics and language. I don't think she is into me but the point of this really isn't that at all; I almost wish I were attracted to her but she is very plain and nothing to write home about in the looks department; she has an utterly fascinating personality and (given the years I worked in Asia) is Japanese (always a plus with me). I find myself trying to convince myself that she somehow could be attractive when she is not at all.

 

Why is it that smart intellectual women are usually not physically attractive?

[melrich]

Why is it that smart intellectual women are usually not physically attractive?

 

Do you see a woman 6 feet tall and assume most women are 6 feet tall?

 

Not everyone is going to be the complete package for everyone else. That's the way the world works. That's why sometimes people compromise on things.

[Stardusk]

Do you see a woman 6 feet tall and assume most women are 6 feet tall?

 

Not everyone is going to be the complete package for everyone else. That's the way the world works. That's why sometimes people compromise on things.

 

But has the right...mind.

 

Complete package, no. But it would be nice if a bit of looks were there.

[melrich]

Complete package, no. But it would be nice if a bit of looks were there.

 

Of course. There could always be something more. As I said, it is the way of the world. And why life partners are hard to find.

[15 Storeys High]

Well. I know plenty of smart, intellectual women that are attractive. You're generalising and that isn't a smart thing to do.

 

You've already said you don't think she's into you. And you're not into her. So what's the issue?

[luxy]

There are plenty of beautiful/attractive women out there who ALSO happen to intellectually gifted. I disagree that it's usually the case that intelligent women aren't usually attractive. There isn't a lot of truth to that stereotype aside from anecdotal evidence, which doesn't prove anything definitive, really.

 

Trust me, impressively-intelligent 'attractive' women are out there. There's no need to compromise. You just need to meet the right person at the right time.

 

However, I live in New York...maybe things are different over where you are. ^^;;

[Batya33]

If you really believe that kind of generalization, it sounds like you might not be a good match for someone intellectually impressive - not because you are not intelligent enough but because intellectually impressive people usually do their best to avoid those types of generalizations, whether about looks or otherwise.

[Stardusk]

Well. I know plenty of smart, intellectual women that are attractive. You're generalising and that isn't a smart thing to do.

 

You've already said you don't think she's into you. And you're not into her. So what's the issue?

 

Well...it's just that she has exactly the sort of mind that attracts me. She could be into me, only have hung out a few times and have talked for many hours. I don't know.

 

Where are these smart and intellectual women who are also attractive and where can I find them?

[Stardusk]

There are plenty of beautiful/attractive women out there who ALSO happen to intellectually gifted. I disagree that it's usually the case that intelligent women aren't usually attractive. There isn't a lot of truth to that stereotype aside from anecdotal evidence, which doesn't prove anything definitive, really.

 

Trust me, impressively-intelligent 'attractive' women are out there. There's no need to compromise. You just need to meet the right person at the right time.

 

However, I live in New York...maybe things are different over where you are. ^^;;

 

I grew up in New York. I avoid New Yorker women like the plague.

[Stardusk]

If you really believe that kind of generalization, it sounds like you might not be a good match for someone intellectually impressive - not because you are not intelligent enough but because intellectually impressive people usually do their best to avoid those types of generalizations, whether about looks or otherwise.

 

I can only speak of generalisations that fall within the realm of my experience. It happens to be the case here.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you really believe that kind of generalization, it sounds like you might not be a good match for someone intellectually impressive - not because you are not intelligent enough but because intellectually impressive people usually do their best to avoid those types of generalizations, whether about looks or otherwise.

 

I ditto this post.

[Stardusk]

I ditto this post.

 

On what grounds?

[Caterina]

It depends on what you find attractive. If you think that someone who looks like Pamela Anderson is attractive, then it will be hard to find since part of intellectualism is a projected persona. I've met incredibly beautiful, intelligent, intellectual women- they're out there. People who spend a lot of time trying to look like Pamela Anderson or overly buff, very muscular men tend to be more stupid than regular people and intellectual people-- there are certain types of attractiveness that are conventional and attractive to the majority but not to the majority of the intellectual community because there is a certain "look" that goes with an intellectual. They can be fit, and healthy, but they usually won't have, for instance, fake boobs.

[15 Storeys High]

Well...it's just that she has exactly the sort of mind that attracts me. She could be into me, only have hung out a few times and have talked for many hours. I don't know.

 

Where are these smart and intellectual women who are also attractive and where can I find them?

 

Well, perhaps you should give it some time......see if her physical appearance grows on you. See if she shows any signs of being interested in you......Just relax and see what happens. You've only known her a week or so.

 

I think you have this self perception that you are very intellectual and that you must only be with a women you deem to be on your level. You're never going to find an intellectual, attractive woman with that sort of attitude. They'll see right through you.

[luxy]

I grew up in New York. I avoid New Yorker women like the plague.

 

Sounds like you had some bad experiences...but what's so bad about women from New York? I know a lot of people who are relatively sane, not neurotic, or crazy, or pathological liars, or materialistic...I know a lot of decent, good people.

 

Feel free to share any horror stories, but in all seriousness, there's good and bad in every city. When it comes to meeting people, it's pretty much luck of the draw, or good judgement when it comes to people's character.

[itsallgrand]

Right, it's just the old high school stereotype that smart girls are ugly. And pretty girls and stupid.

 

Maybe you can not see her own unique beauty which she may have because of these very limitations you put into your mind.

 

I mean, hopefully this is not taken as an insult, but the last woman you chose was in your eyes "gorgeous" but had her flaws (and it wasn't in the intelligence department).

[Sweet Venus]

I can see where you are coming from, but as another poster said, finding the whole ball of "wax" usually doesn't happen. I personally think George Clooney is gorgeous..but his far left political views are complete turn off for me. Is it wrong of me to judge him for it? NO, but I realize we probably wouldn't see eye to eye on things, no matter HOW good we might be in bed together. Or how hot he looks.

[Stardusk]

Well, the fact that she is Japanese makes it an entirely different can of worms; she is not operating on the same playing field as Western women and yet she is so different from the other Japanese women I have met.

[Batya33]

Well, the fact that she is Japanese makes it an entirely different can of worms; she is not operating on the same playing field as Western women and yet she is so different from the other Japanese women I have met.

 

Once again, your penchant for generalizations like these probably makes you incompatible with intellectually impressive women.

[15 Storeys High]

Well, the fact that she is Japanese makes it an entirely different can of worms; she is not operating on the same playing field as Western women and yet she is so different from the other Japanese women I have met.

 

What does this even mean? So what if she is Japanese? What's your point?

[fragmint]

dont really have an answer. maybe its less possible to meet someone whos extremely smart and also attractive cause most of the attractive ones dont put as much into studies since they put aside time to socialize more when younger. lol thats a whole world of 'ifs' there and lots of generalizations.

 

i guess if you really like her , you could hang out with her more and see if things click. sometimes people grow on you. a lot of guys i meet that are 'ehh' in the looks department at first. after being with them more and liking more and more qualities, i start to think they are more attractive physically too.

[Batya33]

Almost every man I have dated have found me most attractive when I am not "dolled up" - they also like when I dress up - especially when they see that it is partly to make them proud - but they all seem to prefer 'natural" - and I don't make time for mani/pedis, or any of the other time consuming beauty stuff - I do my highlights every few months, stay fit and healthy, wear flattering clothes and that's all folks.

[luxy]

Well, the fact that she is Japanese makes it an entirely different can of worms; she is not operating on the same playing field as Western women and yet she is so different from the other Japanese women I have met.

 

I know this probably isn't what you meant, but I gather, from this post, that you consider non-western women inferior. You probably consider them 'exotic' but not 'beautiful' like a 'western' woman, right?

 

Just pointing out some logical inconsistencies here. There are tons of Asian women in the US, and they are completely westernized. How are they on a different playing field, in that case?

 

I'm in no way criticising your opinion; everyone's entitled to their opinions and preferences. I'm just genuinely curious.

[Sweet Venus]

Almost every man I have dated have found me most attractive when I am not "dolled up" - they also like when I dress up - especially when they see that it is partly to make them proud - but they all seem to prefer 'natural" - and I don't make time for mani/pedis, or any of the other time consuming beauty stuff - I do my highlights every few months, stay fit and healthy, wear flattering clothes and that's all folks.

 

Same here.I have had men say they like the way I look even when I first wake up. Weird. lol

[bulletproof]

I can only speak of generalisations that fall within the realm of my experience. It happens to be the case here.

 

So if in my personal experience, all people with the screen name stardusk are unattractive, that means you are unattractive?

 

You're defying logic, and making huge generalizations. You've eliminated an entire city of women in New York? You've really limited your dating pool already, then!