Asking her to marry me

[insofar]

Hi folks. As I mentioned over here, I'm thinking about asking my girlfriend to marry me.

 

A short summary of our relationship. I'm in London, Ontario, she's in Pennsylvania (used to be in Ohio but got a new job very recently). I started talking to her in January of last year, when I posted a comment on her blog on OkCupid (and things just started moving from there). I never intended to get into another long distance relationship, but I'm sure most of the people here know how love tends to happen when you least expect it. We finally met in August of last year, when I came over for five days about two weeks before I went back to school (as I'm a student at the university here). I came back after those five days, and returned to her for another five days two days after I came back, because we figured "why not".

 

Since then, I've been able to visit her in Ohio several times (I think probably about seven or eight, I'll get into more detail in a second) and she's been able to come up to visit me here on weekends about monthly (we're limited since she's working full time and I'm a full time student). That went on while I was in school, and we fell for each other more pretty much every time we met. I've met just about all her friends and family; unfortunately she hasn't had as much of a chance to meet mine (though she's met the important ones).

 

This summer was awesome. Once I got out of school I was able to visit her for longer periods, going about three weeks at a time and coming back to London only so I could move to another apartment and such. In the back of my mind when I was visiting before, I always wanted to know how we'd live together; the summer visits have pretty much answered that for me (and the answer is really well).

 

Now I'm back in school, so we're back to the monthly visits until Christmas, when I'll be able to come down and visit her for at least a week. I'm thinking of asking her to marry me during my Christmas visit. We've been talking about our wedding a fair bit recently because we're both so sure, but we don't want to rush things (and in the back of my mind, I have been thinking about the whole "honeymoon period" deal and whether we're still in it, but we have known each other for about two years now).

 

So now, I'm considering methods of asking her. I've never really considered a public proposal before, but an idea is growing on me. There is a bar where she and a lot of her friends used to get together, play pool, and sing kareoke. I'm considering talking to some of her friends in secret and getting them to organize a "Nike night", since she'll be in the area anyway. I'd then get them to play a romantic song yet to be determined and I'd come out of nowhere and sing to her, then propose. Remember, at this point she'd be thinking I was in London.

 

As I said, I hadn't really ever considered a public proposal before, but I think it's a bit different here in that we both know we want to get married (even her mom is referring to me as her future husband at this point).

 

So these are my questions:

 

Do you think this is too public or a bad venue / idea?

 

Do you think it's too soon?

 

Any other ideas?

 

PS: I won't be giving up my schooling to be with her; the idea is that I'd take a year off in order to get my K-1 fiance visa and then apply as a transfer student to a local university when I had my green card, so I'd get the resident rates instead of the ludicrous international rates.

[insofar]

Hmm, no responses. Should I be concerned that this is a horrible idea?

[Cuppedia]

Hello, don't worry about not getting much responses here, some days can be quiet and other times the situation is just not very common which makes some users feel unqualified to answer.

 

First of all there are a lot of things to consider, moving to another country costs a lot of money and you need to have some savings already in case things don't go exactly how you planned. At least it's a Canada-USA deal because some countries have huge restrictions when it comes to marriage.

 

Are you prepared to leave your friends and family?, do you plan to visit them often and if so, do you think you'll have money for that?. If you are a student I can't imagine how complicated it's going to be to get money for everyday things but I'm going to assume that you already have all of that sorted as well as where you're going to live.

 

Visiting a person regularly during a year is definitely not enough to know them, Are you sure you have the same expectations?, Do you both share the same goals for the future?. Moving to a different country with a boyfriend or girlfriend is not something I would recommend but in your case I think it would help if you lived as "engaged" for a while but putting university on hold is probably not a good idea, if it's not long before you can graduate I would consider doing that first and then moving to the USA.

 

But your main question was the proposal so my opinion is that you should not get other people involved, they're going to participate during the wedding I'm sure so the proposal is between two people only.

 

Good luck.

[insofar]

First of all there are a lot of things to consider, moving to another country costs a lot of money and you need to have some savings already in case things don't go exactly how you planned. At least it's a Canada-USA deal because some countries have huge restrictions when it comes to marriage.

 

I'm fully aware of the complications of international travel and moving. I have been on many, many sites looking at the issues surrounding the visa, the process to get one, and what we're going to do afterward.

 

Are you prepared to leave your friends and family?, do you plan to visit them often and if so, do you think you'll have money for that?.

 

Don't you think I would have considered that? Yes, I am, yes, I'll visit, and if I take the year off like I was thinking of doing, yes, I'll have the money. We'd both be working and I'm currently making about $25 / hr.

 

If you are a student I can't imagine how complicated it's going to be to get money for everyday things but I'm going to assume that you already have all of that sorted as well as where you're going to live.

 

Indeed we do (though I detect a tone of sarcasm). I am currently freelancing for a few different clients. I do all of my work over the internet. This leaves me the ability to work from anywhere with an internet connection. Legally, the K-1 visa allows me to also apply concurrently for a Employment Authorization Document (or work permit), so I'd be set there too. Obviously, if we were engaged, I would be living with her.

 

Visiting a person regularly during a year is definitely not enough to know them, Are you sure you have the same expectations?, Do you both share the same goals for the future?.

 

Yes, I'm quite sure. We talk to each other for at least an hour a day usually, often more. In addition, I lived with her pretty much throughout the summer months when I could, since I wasn't in school. The only reason I had to come back every three weeks was so that customs wouldn't flip out. Goals for the future? Yeah, we talk about the future pretty frequently, actually. I think you're underestimating the term "visit" here; when I'm with her, we're in her apartment, living together. I've met just about all of her (huge) family and almost all of her friends, most of whom like me a lot more than her exes.

 

Moving to a different country with a boyfriend or girlfriend is not something I would recommend but in your case I think it would help if you lived as "engaged" for a while but putting university on hold is probably not a good idea, if it's not long before you can graduate I would consider doing that first and then moving to the USA.

 

The problem here is this: We can't fully live together without being in the same country. Have you tried crossing the US - Canada border recently for more than just a shopping trip? The legal limit on a visa waiver entry for business or pleasure is 90 days, but they won't let you even approach that usually. It would be nice if we could just be a "normal" couple and not have to worry about being separated every so often, but we can't because we're in different countries. From an outsider's perspective one might say "oh, just break up with her and get a normal girlfriend," though I'd expect most people in this forum to know the answer to that question: Love can cross all borders and boundaries.

 

But your main question was the proposal so my opinion is that you should not get other people involved, they're going to participate during the wedding I'm sure so the proposal is between two people only.

 

Good luck.

 

Fair enough. Any other opinions?

[insofar]

In case my last post came accross incorrectly, I welcome all opinions, good or bad; I was just a bit annoyed that the previous poster seemed to discount my relationship.