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Therapy Tips Please

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Hey guys,

This may be better in another ENA forum, but i spend most of my time in this healing one so I feel better posting it here

Well on tuesday I have my first therapy session, ive never been to therapy and im not really sure what to expect. Im looking forward to atleast being able to unload on someone and not feel guilty about it, but im also feeling pritty anxious about it. To be honest I would be thrilled if I was to be perscribed some medication, but again ive never had meds before and so im probably just looking for an easy way out from the pain.


So if anyone here has been to therapy, or has tips of any sort for me they would be greatly appreciated.



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therapy is a really good and helpful process for some and most, but for some it hurts too much. it will be hard, and it will hurt for a short while. But I think in the long run it is best.


It doesn't matter if you hardly say a thing the first session. Or just say a basic outline of the reasons your there for.


Don't expect much the first session

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Theres really no big secret to doing therapy. Just show up and tell about your problem. Then the therapist should set a direction for the next sessions. Remember to aks any questions if in doubt.


But a couple of caveats:


Firstly, don't think of therapy sessions as a magic bullet. It is often the thinking and the actions you take between the sessions that is important. Unloading can be fine, but it will not in itself solve any of your problems.


Secondly, when you done with the session you might think "Was that really it?". And yes - therapy is rather simple. But it is a very valuable tool if you put the necessary effort into it.


Good luck

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another thing is that it's nice to have an objective person listen to your situation and give you positive feedback. getting support from friends and family is invaluable, but having a "professional" who doesn't know you or your ex will give you a fresh point of view and the necessary tools to help the healing process.


also, it's good do the research and even phone interview some therapists, ask them questions about their style so you can find someone that you are comfortable with.

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Have an idea of the issues you want to tackle. If you don't 'click' with your therapist, they're trained not to take it personally (and if they do, run like the wind). Don't be afraid to ask how the therapist works - they may favour a certain approach. My therapist's 'thing' is transactional analysis and it's right for me. Don't expect your therapist to 'cure' you - a good therapist will help you cure yourself. Prepare to do the necessary legwork yourself. With me, it's really highlighting when my negative introject kicks in - and now I know where it came from as well. Undoing it is MY battle - she can't do it for me.


Finally, be prepared to ride the rollercoaster till the end - however hard and painful it can be at times.

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Hey Joop, I wish you luck with your sessions. It might also help to take some additional information to your therapist too. I'm not too familiar with your circumstances but if you were codependent in your relationship you must bring this up with your counselor and make it clear with him/her that they (your therapist) isn't codependent on you thus wanting to keep you to fulfill their own issues with codependency. Sounds sick, I know, but some therapists have developed such attachments that they keep their patients and aren't really healing them. They do this to compliment their desire to being a savior...


I've had some crappy councilors and I can now identify the caveat which does exist in the therapy world, so make that known to them.


If the article below on codependency concerns you then you might want to take it to your counselor and share it with him/her.


link removed

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For me, it's depended on what I am trying to work on. I don't like to just go in there and unload my life's story the first time. Better to pick a couple things that are bothering you or affecting you and let the rest of it interject itself as you go along and make progress.


I have different counselors with different specialties that I have seen. One size does not fit all, trust me. Don't be afraid to change if you don't click within the first 2 sessions. You should feel some empathy coming from the person, not clinical detachment, in my opinion. It's easier to trust when empathy exists.


Good luck - I hope you learn a lot about yourself (good stuff)

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I had a real issue with therapy. Didn't trust anything about it but recently I was forced to ask for some help.....I wasn't sure that I wanted to, didn't have a clue what to say and was very untrusting. Someone told me to just go in the room and say exactly that. So I did and the therapist started with that and took things very slowly at my pace. So I would suggest just going in there and saying that you're anxious about it, that you aren't sure what to expect......say exactly what you're feeling about it. Because if they don't know they can't tailor the sessions to you.

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I think an important thing when you are starting therapy is to realize that it may take a little while for you to get comfortable... I thought I was comfortable from the beginning but it took me a while to get to a place where I was really opening up. The therapist-client relationship is unlike any other -- this is someone who you bear your soul to and yet he or she is not invested in your life at all, they are completely non-biased. You can let it all out with no social repercussions. This can take a little while to sink in but when it does it is very freeing.


First sessions are usually mostly background info, and you may feel more like you are being interviewed... but when you and your therapist are comfortable with each other and you can really start talking about what you want it is very rewarding. Good luck!

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