skittles75 Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Hello, I am brand new to this site. Let me first say it's great to know that there's people out there experiencing the same thing I am, and it really helps to read other people's stories and their suggestions on how to move forward. A brief synoposis of my situation before I get into my current challenge: I have recently broken up with a girl that I was with for about a year and a half. It was "mutual", although really it wasn't. For the first year of our relationship, I have never in my life been happier. And I believe that she hadn't been either. We both thought we would be together forever. We moved in together after a year, and slowly everything started to change. She gradually started to become detached and was showing less and less affection for me. We would argue more and she always seemed to have an attitude about something or other. I was not completely innocent either, but my distance that formed toward her was a direct result of the way she was acting toward me. We talked about it several times, said we'd try harder to get things back on the right track, but as hard as I tried, it never happened. The last month we were together was agonizing, and it became clear that it wasn't going to work. We agreed to end it. So as you can see, although we agreed to end it, it really wasn't mutual because I still loved her very much and would have done anything to make it work, but it was her whose feelings had changed. I just let her off the hook by not making her actually be the one to pull the trigger. But believe me, I don't have the feeling of someone who mutually broke up with their significant other...I feel very much the dumpee. Anyway, I have since moved out and the break up blues hit me full force. All the usual suspects; can't stop thinking about her, scared she's with someone else, no appetite, trouble sleeping, etc. I didn't think it would hit me this hard, but it really has and I'm struggling day to day to try to get through it. Now here's the toughest part. We work at the same bar...granted we both do it only once per week and on different nights. But for years we have both hung out there, and I have a lot of friends there. And unfortunately, not the type of friends that I would hang out with outside of the bar, so the only time I see them is there. Well, I have run into Her there twice over the last 2 weeks and it's awful. First of all, She looks SO good and that makes me miss her obviously. Secondly, she seems SO happy. It's brutal to see her so happy when I'm so sad. Other than the two instances that I've run into her there, I have had no contact with her. I've resisted every temptation to call, to text, to email and know very well that in order to get over this, I need to completely have her absent from my life. But there's always the chance I'll run into her at the bar. And the few times I have seen her there, it sets my progress back significanlty. I have very much reduced the time I spend there, but it's still iimportant to me to spend some time there because I have a great time (when she's not there of course) and get to see people that help me take my mind off of things. Quitting the one night per week job and stopping going there altogether does not seem possible for me, believe it or not the one night a week nets me a lot of money over the month and I need the job, plus I would not see people anymore that I very much like hanging out with. But there's always the chance that she may be there and thereforee I will never be able to have the complete No Contact that I need to help me move on. Very sorry for the long, drawn out story...any suggestions or encouraging words would be so greatly appreciated. Help is needed! Link to comment
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