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Will my plan work out?


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I´m a 20-something years old, female. I´ve been attracted to a friend for a couple of years. He is shy and reserved, doesn´t express his feelings easily, just like me. He dated a common friend of ours, broke up with her 4 months ago in an unfriendly way and apparently doesn´t like her anymore. It´s really been a problem for me to be with him everyday in college, because I´m definetly attracted to him, I want to touch him all the time, want to tell him how I feel. I don´t have the guts to do that directly, face to face, and I get bothered by this constant threat to my mental sanity. He treats me normally, the only difference is that he tells me personal and intimate things he doesn´t tell his other female friends.

My plan is to write all my feelings towards him as if I was writing a letter to a friend and then mix it with his papers, so that he gets to read it. The next day I would ask my friends if anyone had found my paper the day before and expect him to give it back to me.

What do you think? Will this work?

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Sorry Hun, that's a bad idea. Here is why:


Suppose he finds this and he doesn't feel the same way about you. He will feel very awkward. He won't know how to tell you without breaking up your friendship or such. So he will have 2 choices, to talk to you about it or pretend he didn't see the letter or it got lost and he'll avoid a confrontation. Whilst this is happening, you will be questioning whether or not he likes you, whether he lost it or ignores you, and such. This doubt will drive you nuts, you will see every negative thing he says as repellant!

Get it?


Ofcourse, that is if he doesn't like you, he might as well like you but will still feel weird about the letter. You should just be coy about it. Ask him if he thinks you're goodlooking, just in a casual conversation, say, about looks! Ofcourse I'm basing this on personal experience, I would tell a friend if I found them attractive or not. It doesn't mean that you're ugly foresay, it means that you're not what he finds appealing. Or you could just tell him! The same amount of harm can come from this except the uncertainty part of him avoiding the question by tossing the letter


Or you could try to seduce him! Invite him for a few beers, get drunk but not too drunk and have sex with him. I think you're at the age when casual sex is exceptable, especially if you like that. Actually, scratch that, it's a bad idea!


In the end, I'll say this: I've had plenty of friends who had crushes on me, it's nothing that breaks a friendship!

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Hi Waterlily,


I am in favor of writing down how you feel and then give it to him personally. I think a card would do great. A card that says: "You're awesome" or any other friendly message.


I have been struggling with some of these ideas myself when I was younger and I found this way easier for myself. Just to give the girl a card to express yourself. It might be a good idea to write that you are a little shy to express your feelings to him in person. Especially when he is a little shy himself, he will definitely relate to that and understand where you're coming from.


Bottom line: I would take a card from a girl, in which she expresses her feelings serious and I would definitely make the second move, no matter if I like the girl or not. At least I would come to her and talk to her.


I hope this was of help to you. Good luck!!


~ SwingFox ~

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