after what she told me ... I feel no hope

[heartbroken23]

Hi,

Heres the deal, was with my GF for over three years when she brok eup with me in the summer. She was unhappy and didnt know if I was the one. I did all of the no no's and begged and pleaded at first. I was a mess. After a while I finally did the no contact and acted as if I didnt care. Then about a month later she started to make contact here and there. I laid low and one night she came to see me out of the blue. She was ready to try again with our relationship (one thing she always said she was tired of doing...trying all of the time.) Well it is now 3 months since we have gotten back together and guess what...she is unhappy again and she broke up with me again. We are almost at the four year mark and I really love her....but I am devasted again. I guess I should have seen it coming. She says she is tired of arguing and fighting all of time. We only saw each other 1-2 times a week, but most of the time we would argue. We fight about everything. Sex, going out , everything. I really don't want to fight but it is both of us and she admits this. She tells me that she really doent think that I am the one for her anymore and that she cant picture me in her future...due to constant fighting and not getting along. She says that she is tired of being in a relationship where she doenst get along with her partner. Well I again begged and pleaded for another chance to show that we can go and not argue and fight all of the time. She says not now...maybe later, but not now. Even though we are both the reasons for the arguing and fighting I feel as if I blew it. I feel that we really didnt try hard enough when we got back together. I know I should do the no contact because of previous experience, but after what she told me about not believing i am the one for her and maybe there is someone else out there, I feel no hope. What do you think? Anyadvice would be a help!

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Hey...

Tough situation... I'm kind of in the same boat but we never got back together as of yet. It's been 5 months since we broke up and I did the same thing as you at first..the begging the pleading but she said no not now.But I found out she started dating this guy 2 weeks after we broke up and as far as I know they are still together now which hurts. We had the same problems...fighting all the time about little thing(Both of our faults) and that she was tired of always trying so hard.. I give my ex credit there..She tried harder than I did in the relationship in the 3 years we were together and I was just lazy in the relationship.

The best thing for you to do now is to cut all contact !! I know it is hard and we've both been through it but you're going through it for a second time with the same girl so try not to make the same mistakes twice..Remember cut all contact for now ..at least a month or 2 and let her miss you..If she misses you enough she will call you ! And take time to think to yourself about if you really really love this girl and would want to get back with her. If so and if by chance you do get back with her make sure you talk about all the problems in the relationship and really try to work on them together if yo want it to work out..

I only wish I had a second chance like you did before, because you really don't know what you have until it's gone and sometimes after that it's too late...

Good luck man,

[sprkal]

Ok, you need to stop begging her, i can assure you that there is a 90 per cent chance that she is only getting back together with you because she felt sorry for you/had no one else/wanted to stop you from begging and making her feel guilty all the time. Now I really have no idea, but if it was me - then it sounds like you would be GUILTING me into being with you. Do you really want to do that to her?

 

If you fight all the time then it is clear that you two are NOT meant for each other, there is NO way that you two can have a positive future, you may turn into a cranky husband and wife who argue all the time - and what about if you ever had kids? How would they feel hearing mum and dad fighting all the time. No relationship can be built on that.

 

She obviously cares for you, and you her, but be honest (as she is trying to be) with yourselves, and let each other go. Give it time - a few months, maybe half a year - you will be over her - but only if you let yourself. Do it for her, let her go.