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"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome


Mayday11
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Well, he has every right to gain back his pride that you took from him. This could take some time, but if he really does want you back, then he might come round.

 

In the meantime for both of your sakes be patient. I'd recommend leaving him alone and let him miss you. It's hard but it will unlock his true feelings. He knows how you feel, so give him space and let him call you.

 

Yeah.. your right.. i need to back off now.. and wait.. I am going to NY next weekend... So I think I am not going to call him or anything till next week after I come back. Or maybe longer I dont know... Maybe two weeks...

 

These last few weeks has been the most he has ever rejected me EVER.. even in the last 9 months that we have been broken up but 'friends' after i left him...

 

I am scared his feelings have really turned a corner... But.. somewhere deep inside... I hope I hope...

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Yeah.. your right.. i need to back off now.. and wait.. I am going to NY next weekend... So I think I am not going to call him or anything till next week after I come back. Or maybe longer I dont know... Maybe two weeks...

 

These last few weeks has been the most he has ever rejected me EVER.. even in the last 9 months that we have been broken up but 'friends' after i left him...

 

I am scared his feelings have really turned a corner... But.. somewhere deep inside... I hope I hope...

 

 

Try and leave it a month. Give each other the space and time to cool down. After a month passes give him a call and see if he'd like to go out for a coffee to catch up - nothing serious! Keep it lighthearted and friendly.

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OK... a month... Yeah I totally have been pushing him to fast to far and I think a month is a good amount of time for him to feel the difference...

 

He called me yesterday and told me he broke his cell phone by 'accident'. BUt I have a weird feeling he didnt do it by accident since the cell phone is the only way I can get a hold of him... I told him I'd give him the spare phone tonight... and he agreed and said he called me to have me drop it off... BUT I don't know if hell actually call? Maybe he'll try to not get the spare phone... maybe by avoiding being home? But that seems weird... If he really didnt want the phone he should of just called me and said.. 'im turning off my phone, you can cancel the account now., I'm not going to use the phone anymore.' ...

 

Well if he doesnt call me and I go over there and noone happens to be home ... I will just drop it in the mailbox I guess... and then leave him alone for month... and even if he is there.. i will make it quick and just drop it off and leave... Like I should of on valentines day... instead of making a scene about it...

 

God not talking to him for a month will be HARD and painful... But I assume it may be for him too.. when he called me yesterday about his cell phone he sounded depressed.. *sigh*

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Well, he's gaining some control by doing the phone thing but it sounds like a game. Just go along with everything he says if he contacts you. Whatever he's doing it is making him feel better bit by bit.

 

But do not contact him. Let him miss you and get the strength back he deserves. If he does contact you during the 30 day NC, just be friendly and lighthearted - nothing heavy ok?

 

He is still in confusion so give him the time he deserves.

 

In the meantime focus on yourself and not him. I know it's hard but it's for the best.

 

Good luck.

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I think its important to understand the such a "syndrome," despite being named so, isn't some sort of medical or mental problem with people. It's just how things can happen sometimes. What a lot of people have to realize is that, no matter whether or not this is what the ex is currently doing, it doesn't mean they'll come back. At all.

 

Do everything for yourself. I used to wish that this was what my ex did, but she's moved on and so have I. There's a fine line between what people believe as "grass is greener" and people just falling out of love. Either way though, I don't believe Mayday made this thread as a means of giving people false hope (and he's stated so in this thread much earlier). You'll never know for sure whats going on in the minds of your ex.

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oh my god this is freaky. Again all boxes ticked. Do you guys think that theres a better chance of an ex coming back if they just have GIG rather than they just dont have interest in you any more or fell out of love?

 

The only good chance of them coming back is;

 

if you don't contact them and move on and meet someone else. the dumper will normally expect you to put your life on hold while they try out theirs. you'll always be the safe option but is that what you really want? come on, they dumped you for something else - you're worth more!

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Well, he's gaining some control by doing the phone thing but it sounds like a game. Just go along with everything he says if he contacts you. Whatever he's doing it is making him feel better bit by bit.

 

But do not contact him. Let him miss you and get the strength back he deserves. If he does contact you during the 30 day NC, just be friendly and lighthearted - nothing heavy ok?

 

He is still in confusion so give him the time he deserves.

 

In the meantime focus on yourself and not him. I know it's hard but it's for the best.

 

Good luck.

 

 

So he he DID call me after work and I dropped the phone off and we sat and talked for a bit.. Then his friend calls on on the pone I just gave him... and invites him to the bar.. .I'm like ok...I'll see you later and he walks me outside... Just gave me a hug....

 

He said hed call me later...

 

ANd He did... we talked for 45 mins... It was ok... At leas its was a good note... bu now I need to go NC... for 30days like you said..

 

i'm scared though that if I leave him alone he will think I dont care again... and it will push him farther away... but me showing up at his door and asking him to hang out and pushing him is also pushing him away...

 

I screwed up and called his phone an our ago... he didnt answer... I am done.. I will do NC now... I hope his feelings will come back... My bday is this Sunday... I wonder if he will call or remember? *sigh... I suppose its ok if he doesnt.. I deserve it...

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Ok, Abigail, your situation is MUCH, MUCH better than mine!

 

I ONLY came back for my ex when he started dating a new girl!! I didn't give him ANY space because the other lady was there and I couldn't give him space or he would fall for her. End of story: dumped her for me, then dumped me to go back to her.

 

I am going through the WORSE pain in my life. And he keeps saying: "I felt exactly what you did last year, it will get better".

 

I deserve it. I love him SO much. I just believe I've lost him for good because he is with somebody else. He chose her over me. I have to let go. Oh well, I'm sure you've read about it on my thread.

 

People THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dumpees: Please try to give dumpers another chance! We are humans and make mistakes!!

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I guess I have come to the conlcusion that I would give my ex another chance....IF he were to come back. But why bother? He's obviously happy with this other girl he left me for or else he wouldn't be with her...even with how little they have in common. Which I can honestly say is about nothing since the girl used to be a good friend of mine.

 

So I guess its just a matter of realizing that they don't want you anymore and somehow accepting that.

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well, I didn't leave my ex for anyone else! I think leaving your ex for someone in particular is not really GIGS. I left my ex to experience being single... and because I wasn't in love, and bla bla. Oh well, he moved on and met someone else. I can say that this girl is NOT his type at all but what can I do? I left him, he wanted to get back for months, then when he moves on I go after him? I mean, yeah yeah, he chose her, but it's still my fault.

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OK. You're allowed to mess up this once but no more if you really want him back!

 

Just to clarify, it's ok if he initiates contact but you must not call him or make any other type of contact for 30 days from today! When he does call just be friendly so nothing serious. Remember you're going back to the start again and rebuilding.

 

If you continue to mess up then the chances of your getting back together are reduced significantly. Is that what you want?

 

Don't worry about him remembering your birthday - treat yourself instead.

 

The NC will help you both so much - you can't see it now but you'll notice it after 2 weeks and your head will clear and bring back your focus which is very important for the opportunity of rebuilding a relationship.

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I guess I have come to the conlcusion that I would give my ex another chance....IF he were to come back. But why bother? He's obviously happy with this other girl he left me for or else he wouldn't be with her...even with how little they have in common. Which I can honestly say is about nothing since the girl used to be a good friend of mine.

 

So I guess its just a matter of realizing that they don't want you anymore and somehow accepting that.

 

Yes, but it's also a matter of some simple values such as trust and respect. How can you possibly love someone without these fundamental qualities?

 

Can a dumper regain the trust in the person they dumped? It's doubtful IMO but the dumpee may get back together and rebuild the relationship on his/her terms, somewhat like a role reversal that could be beneficial for the "new" relationship.

 

Although, this scenario sounds wrong and i think the dumpee would take advantage of the fact that the dumper is riddled with guilt and possibly make them pay over time.

 

So both parties should only get back for the right reasons!

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well, I didn't leave my ex for anyone else! I think leaving your ex for someone in particular is not really GIGS. I left my ex to experience being single... and because I wasn't in love, and bla bla. Oh well, he moved on and met someone else. I can say that this girl is NOT his type at all but what can I do? I left him, he wanted to get back for months, then when he moves on I go after him? I mean, yeah yeah, he chose her, but it's still my fault.

 

I don't mean to sound presumptuous but "experiencing being single" means you were bored and fancied the idea of going out and looking for new partners, right?

 

His moving on made you realise your mistake and perhaps you've learnt that instead of just ending it, you should work on the relationship for the benefit of both of you in the long term.

 

It's a valuable lesson and this experience will make you stronger.

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I hope I can take something positive from this. I lost him for good. He went back to me but realized "he didn't really loved me anymore and was just confused" and 1 week after "dumping" m e he went back to her and they are travelling together for Carnaval. I'm in SO much pain. Plus, I acted desperate and needy by calling him being SO upset that he "played" with both girls. I'm just, helpless, hopeless, and on top of all, guilty as ever. I could have been with him last Carnaval but I CHOSE to be with my friends? What the hell was I thinking?

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I could have been with him last Carnaval but I CHOSE to be with my friends? What the hell was I thinking?

 

As you said before, you wanted to experience life from a different perspective. At the time it seemed like the right decision to you but now it doesn't feel like it. Try not to regret it - you've learnt something that will give you a much more solid foundation for the next love of your life.

 

Hang on in there - Everything will be alright in time.

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Ugh, I don't want a new love at all. I want him. I don't want anybody else. I don't know how to explain but it's like I'm 100% positive there's NO one else out there for me.

 

"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you"

 

Ok. How long were you single for and then realised that you made a mistake?

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I was single for about 5-6 months! Been 1 year now. We "thought" about getting back together and were semi-together for these remaining 6 months. At one point, he was certain it was me and dumped the girl, now he's back with the girl. He's been with the other girl only 1-2 months all the while talking/being with me. I wonder why he chose to try with her instead of me, who he was with for 3 years. I guess it's his "GIGS" time. It just really messed with my head to a point where I'm so depressed/anxious that I don't even care about them. I just want to get better.

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  • kamurj changed the title to "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

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