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"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome


Mayday11

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Hmmmm, maybe. But why completely unprovoked talk to me about 'when we have kids', 'when we get married', why talk about future plans as normal as if nothing was wrong?

 

I can't completely rule out someone else, but I really don't think there is. In a way it would almost make it better if there was as it would explain things.

 

Yeah like Lockdown, my ex also talked about marriage/kids 5 days before she dumped me. We still had sex, did stuff together etc. I've written a list in another comment but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that apparently things can suddenly change within a person, which is the reason why you should be careful because there might be someone else he's interested in. Even if there's no one else (yet) he's most likely going on a partying spree with his friends and flirting with other girls.

 

Again, I don't want to cause you more pain but keep in mind there's a high possibility. Why else would he just leave a good woman ?

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Yeah like Lockdown, my ex also talked about marriage/kids 5 days before she dumped me. We still had sex, did stuff together etc. I've written a list in another comment but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that apparently things can suddenly change within a person, which is the reason why you should be careful because there might be someone else he's interested in. Even if there's no one else (yet) he's most likely going on a partying spree with his friends and flirting with other girls.

 

Again, I don't want to cause you more pain but keep in mind there's a high possibility. Why else would he just leave a good woman ?

 

Exactly. They have it good but still want to leave. One thing is for sure, like a good friend of mine told me a week ago, is they'll realize they made a mistake of having something good and might try to come back, but they will not be the same person. That's my inner struggle now. I never said it out loud until last night. My cousin is a therapist and I went to talk to her last night and she said what if she does come back? What are you going to do? She won't be the same person that she was when you guys split. Do you feel you can trust the person again that broke your heart to not do it again? And all I said was I really don't know.

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Exactly. They have it good but still want to leave. One thing is for sure, like a good friend of mine told me a week ago, is they'll realize they made a mistake of having something good and might try to come back, but they will not be the same person. That's my inner struggle now. I never said it out loud until last night. My cousin is a therapist and I went to talk to her last night and she said what if she does come back? What are you going to do? She won't be the same person that she was when you guys split. Do you feel you can trust the person again that broke your heart to not do it again? And all I said was I really don't know.

 

Yeah true obviously I have been thinking about that a lot aswell. I'm starting to care less about her coming back or not.

First of all you need to move on , you know you've moved on once you don't really care if she comes back or not. Second thing you need to do is Forgive her for what she has done and the last thing is to be able to trust her again. 4th is obvious: You have to want to start a relationship from the ground up again.

 

But even if you can do all the above things, she also has to work on the relationship etc.

 

From what I hear many ex's do go back at one point but if they got dumped by their guy be VERY careful. You don't want to get hurt and be ashamed again because often they just want a shoulder to cry on if their relationship failed.

 

I do believe there's some kind of energy your ex will feel whenever you are trully happy. So, if you are dating a nice new partner, your ex will feel he/she loses your energy and then starts reaching out for you.

 

After 6+ months though, I do feel like I'm finally in the 'Acceptance' phase. I've spend way too much time and way too much energy on her. I think I'm pretty close in letting her go.

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Yeah true obviously I have been thinking about that a lot aswell. I'm starting to care less about her coming back or not.

First of all you need to move on , you know you've moved on once you don't really care if she comes back or not. Second thing you need to do is Forgive her for what she has done and the last thing is to be able to trust her again. 4th is obvious: You have to want to start a relationship from the ground up again.

 

But even if you can do all the above things, she also has to work on the relationship etc.

 

From what I hear many ex's do go back at one point but if they got dumped by their guy be VERY careful. You don't want to get hurt and be ashamed again because often they just want a shoulder to cry on if their relationship failed.

 

I do believe there's some kind of energy your ex will feel whenever you are trully happy. So, if you are dating a nice new partner, your ex will feel he/she loses your energy and then starts reaching out for you.

 

After 6+ months though, I do feel like I'm finally in the 'Acceptance' phase. I've spend way too much time and way too much energy on her. I think I'm pretty close in letting her go.

 

I recently started talking to a girl, who happens to know the both of us. She knows me more though. I feel like I'm starting to move on just a bit, but still holding on. Strangely this girl really understands. When my ex left me she told me if in 6 months she realizes it was me all along she'll come crawling back, begging for my forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like that's what it'll be no matter what she said to me after all that. We'll just have to see, but I'm not sitting here waiting for it.

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I recently started talking to a girl, who happens to know the both of us. She knows me more though. I feel like I'm starting to move on just a bit, but still holding on. Strangely this girl really understands. When my ex left me she told me if in 6 months she realizes it was me all along she'll come crawling back, begging for my forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like that's what it'll be no matter what she said to me after all that. We'll just have to see, but I'm not sitting here waiting for it.

 

Are you dating this new girl?

 

Somehow I had this weird feeling that my ex's relationship will fail but maybe it's just a feeling. I start to care less about her and it feels kinda good. I've also come to the conclusion she wasn't THAT pretty, I always thought she was hot and I was ugly but she's on the same level as me.

Like I said in the other post I think they will contact you whenever you don't care about them or you are happy with a new girl (I mean really happy). They just feel something is different about you. Often you see these posts on forums like this about people who are still pining about their ex's 1 or 2 years after they got dumped and those people almost never get contacted by their ex.

 

I admit I was very needy and it took me a long time to accept this situation but the sooner you can accept the situation the better. I really think she might try to come back sooner.

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Are you dating this new girl?

 

Somehow I had this weird feeling that my ex's relationship will fail but maybe it's just a feeling. I start to care less about her and it feels kinda good. I've also come to the conclusion she wasn't THAT pretty, I always thought she was hot and I was ugly but she's on the same level as me.

Like I said in the other post I think they will contact you whenever you don't care about them or you are happy with a new girl (I mean really happy). They just feel something is different about you. Often you see these posts on forums like this about people who are still pining about their ex's 1 or 2 years after they got dumped and those people almost never get contacted by their ex.

 

I admit I was very needy and it took me a long time to accept this situation but the sooner you can accept the situation the better. I really think she might try to come back sooner.

 

I don't know if you can say we are dating or not yet. I took her out, we had a good time, she kissed me at the end of the night. Still talking to her, but I don't know if there is a title. I used to also think that my ex is too good looking for me, but since we split I can honestly say that I had about 3 girls start talking to me looking to see if I wanted to hang out with them. Not saying that means anything but it was a bit of a confidence boost. I still care about her but I have to say it does feel like it's going away a bit, maybe because this girl that I've hung out with is distracting me. When my ex started talking to her coworker, I definitely felt it before she told me. I do wonder if she's feeling the same way now. After all I did stop talking to her. I haven't blocked her on any social media, but she did stop liking my posts or pictures. But whenever I talk to this girl or any girl for that matter, she always winds up liking a picture of mine. It's quite mind blowing

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I don't know if you can say we are dating or not yet. I took her out, we had a good time, she kissed me at the end of the night. Still talking to her, but I don't know if there is a title. I used to also think that my ex is too good looking for me, but since we split I can honestly say that I had about 3 girls start talking to me looking to see if I wanted to hang out with them. Not saying that means anything but it was a bit of a confidence boost. I still care about her but I have to say it does feel like it's going away a bit, maybe because this girl that I've hung out with is distracting me. When my ex started talking to her coworker, I definitely felt it before she told me. I do wonder if she's feeling the same way now. After all I did stop talking to her. I haven't blocked her on any social media, but she did stop liking my posts or pictures. But whenever I talk to this girl or any girl for that matter, she always winds up liking a picture of mine. It's quite mind blowing

 

I don't know but I also had this gut feeling when my ex secretly went out with this colleague, I knew something was wrong.

 

First you got to know if you really like this new girl or just do it so you can make your ex jealous.

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I don't know but I also had this gut feeling when my ex secretly went out with this colleague, I knew something was wrong.

 

First you got to know if you really like this new girl or just do it so you can make your ex jealous.

I do like her. It's not a thing to get my ex jealous, otherwise I would've made it known. I haven't told anyone about her

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I do like her. It's not a thing to get my ex jealous, otherwise I would've made it known. I haven't told anyone about her

 

Yeah but do you like her the same way as you liked your ex? If so, then you either think you like this one just as much or you never really liked your ex that much to begin with. That's the way I see it anyways.

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Yeah but do you like her the same way as you liked your ex? If so, then you either think you like this one just as much or you never really liked your ex that much to begin with. That's the way I see it anyways.

 

I don't know since I only hung out with her once. I guess only time can tell.

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Ok so it has been over 6 months since my ex dumped me and started to date a colleague. It has been like 4-5 months since I've last seen her (I don't count seeing her in the distance) and it has been almost 3 months since we last had any contact ... that is untill last night.

 

I was up late just doing my thing when I got a message on my phone. I was kinda shocked when I saw it was my ex.

 

She messaged me:

"Hey, how are you?" "I just drove by your house and saw you were home" "Didn't you go to (friends name)'s Birthday?"

 

She sent me this message past 1 AM....

 

Maybe I shouldn't overanalyze but I think it's pretty odd for someone to message their ex at 1 AM. Also, why should she matter if I went to this guys birthday (he didn't celebrate his birthday anyways).

 

I decided not to message her back.

 

Also, this message came when I was just feeling good about my life again.

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Ok so it has been over 6 months since my ex dumped me and started to date a colleague. It has been like 4-5 months since I've last seen her (I don't count seeing her in the distance) and it has been almost 3 months since we last had any contact ... that is untill last night.

 

I was up late just doing my thing when I got a message on my phone. I was kinda shocked when I saw it was my ex.

 

She messaged me:

"Hey, how are you?" "I just drove by your house and saw you were home" "Didn't you go to (friends name)'s Birthday?"

 

She sent me this message past 1 AM....

 

Maybe I shouldn't overanalyze but I think it's pretty odd for someone to message their ex at 1 AM. Also, why should she matter if I went to this guys birthday (he didn't celebrate his birthday anyways).

 

I decided not to message her back.

 

Also, this message came when I was just feeling good about my life again.

 

I find it pretty odd too, for her to be messaging you at that hour as well. Maybe it's her way of trying to reach out to you. Who knows, it's strange. So I guess you are going to not message her back at all? I had a strange thing happen the other day as wel, not as extreme as yours but Friday night I changed my profile pic on Facebook and my ex was the first person to like it. I found it strange because she never likes ANYTHING on Facebook, then she went and liked things on my Instagram too. I wonder when the day will come when I receive a text.

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I find it pretty odd too, for her to be messaging you at that hour as well. Maybe it's her way of trying to reach out to you. Who knows, it's strange. So I guess you are going to not message her back at all? I had a strange thing happen the other day as wel, not as extreme as yours but Friday night I changed my profile pic on Facebook and my ex was the first person to like it. I found it strange because she never likes ANYTHING on Facebook, then she went and liked things on my Instagram too. I wonder when the day will come when I receive a text.

 

Oh your ex will surely message you, my has messaged me a lot in the early stages of our breakup and she wanted to hang out etc. but right after a breakup it doesn't mean she wants you back. I'm not saying my ex wants me back now but I think there are still feelings. I don't know if I do the right thing but from what I've read it's best not to.

 

If she still has some feelings (perhaps her new relationship isn't that great) she will contact me again. It might frustrate her that I don't reply and want her back so eventually she start to call me more. Well... that's what happens with most breakups.

 

Ofcourse, I do have my doubts and I do want to message her but I've read a lot of info on the Internet about people going through the same situations. Unless she wants to reconcile with me there's nothing to talk about.

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Oh your ex will surely message you, my has messaged me a lot in the early stages of our breakup and she wanted to hang out etc. but right after a breakup it doesn't mean she wants you back. I'm not saying my ex wants me back now but I think there are still feelings. I don't know if I do the right thing but from what I've read it's best not to.

 

If she still has some feelings (perhaps her new relationship isn't that great) she will contact me again. It might frustrate her that I don't reply and want her back so eventually she start to call me more. Well... that's what happens with most breakups.

 

Ofcourse, I do have my doubts and I do want to message her but I've read a lot of info on the Internet about people going through the same situations. Unless she wants to reconcile with me there's nothing to talk about.

 

Maybe she does want to reconcile with you. My ex's brother went through a situation about a year ago. We are in New York and his girlfriend moved to New Hampshire for college. It's an 8-10 hour drive. He used to take a trip there about once a month to go see her. Before she moved they were inseparable. She was an okay person, a little bit of a drama seeker in my opinion. She'd cry about everything. Well she eventually told him that he doesn't make an effort to see her. Really? You're a ten hour drive away, and he didn't have a car so he'd borrow his parents SUV when he could. He'd even drive there when it was snow storming and she still complained. She eventually broke up with him because of it, and I remember him being heartbroken too. They were together for 2 years and she was his first girlfriend. Turned out she just really had a guy lined up at her college because the following week she was posting pics all over the place with him. She eventually came crawling back to him. He asked me what would I do then, and it's funny cuz I told him she'd be dead to me. But now, after all this, I don't know what I would do. Would I go back because there is so much history and fond memories? I really don't know. All I know is that they are really happy together again and they are stronger now. His girlfriend is a drama setter like she used to be. This took about 8 months for her to come back around. Same kinda thing happened with her oldest brother, and know they are back together, married with a kid. I only wonder if the same situation will arise for me, and if it does, what will I choose to do.

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From what I've read all over the internet the chance they want to get back with you isn't even that small. The real problem lies in keeping them and most new relationships with an ex fail again.

 

Most of the time you are already over your ex. However, if you still want another shot to have a meaningful relationship with your ex there are so many things you should take into consideration. You have to forgive your ex, trust your ex again but there's a huge chance things might not be the same like they were before. Who knows, it could be you dump her the next time.

 

I'm also certain the only way you might have a chance is if you take it REAL SLOWLY. So even though you know each other you have to go out on dates again and don't sleep together for quite a long time untill it feels right.

 

One other thing: When you were in pain all these months, you were crying/talking to friends/family so imagine you visit your parents with your ex-girlfriend, even though they know what she did....

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From what I've read all over the internet the chance they want to get back with you isn't even that small. The real problem lies in keeping them and most new relationships with an ex fail again.

 

Most of the time you are already over your ex. However, if you still want another shot to have a meaningful relationship with your ex there are so many things you should take into consideration. You have to forgive your ex, trust your ex again but there's a huge chance things might not be the same like they were before. Who knows, it could be you dump her the next time.

 

I'm also certain the only way you might have a chance is if you take it REAL SLOWLY. So even though you know each other you have to go out on dates again and don't sleep together for quite a long time untill it feels right.

 

One other thing: When you were in pain all these months, you were crying/talking to friends/family so imagine you visit your parents with your ex-girlfriend, even though they know what she did....

 

That's the one thing I really think about. After talking to friends and family about things, if we started all over again, I'd have to face the music with them. I live in the same building as my family so they know everything really. My brothers and father practically hate her for doing this to me, my mother is more forgiving because she just wants me to be happy. I know the chances of her maybe coming back are high. She wanted to be friends with me, I don't know if I could do that, but if I did, I know she'd see a whole new person because I haven't been the same since she left. Even though I'm still here on this page, I do feel stronger, I don't feel as helpless as I did. This page did help me a lot. I know everyone I know doesn't want to hear about this all the time. Everyone tells me to just get over it and makes their little digs at me. Not a lot of people like to admit they feel broken when they do.

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That's the one thing I really think about. After talking to friends and family about things, if we started all over again, I'd have to face the music with them. I live in the same building as my family so they know everything really. My brothers and father practically hate her for doing this to me, my mother is more forgiving because she just wants me to be happy. I know the chances of her maybe coming back are high. She wanted to be friends with me, I don't know if I could do that, but if I did, I know she'd see a whole new person because I haven't been the same since she left. Even though I'm still here on this page, I do feel stronger, I don't feel as helpless as I did. This page did help me a lot. I know everyone I know doesn't want to hear about this all the time. Everyone tells me to just get over it and makes their little digs at me. Not a lot of people like to admit they feel broken when they do.

 

Being friends with her will get you nowhere, especially the first few months. She will just keep you around in case fail with the other guy and she needs you for emotional support while the other guy gets all the fun. My ex wanted to hang around a lot for like 1 month and 3 weeks we stayed in touch like that untill I couldn't take it anymore and cut contact. I know it's hard not to see her if she's asking you to hang out but you will only feel more miserable.

 

I don't know if I ever will be friends with her but I don't think so. Especially if she's still with the guy who 'stole' her from me.

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Being friends with her will get you nowhere, especially the first few months. She will just keep you around in case fail with the other guy and she needs you for emotional support while the other guy gets all the fun. My ex wanted to hang around a lot for like 1 month and 3 weeks we stayed in touch like that untill I couldn't take it anymore and cut contact. I know it's hard not to see her if she's asking you to hang out but you will only feel more miserable.

 

I don't know if I ever will be friends with her but I don't think so. Especially if she's still with the guy who 'stole' her from me.

 

I told her when this all happened that I wanted to be friends but not if she had a boyfriend. Not especially that the guy she's with is a coworker that she said she'd never have feelings for. I will provide no emotional support for that. What support did I get from her when she did this? Nothing but her saying she feels terrible and that she's sorry. And once I found out she was talking to that guy, she stopped checking up on me.

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I don't know, My ex also told me she wasn't in love with this colleague but yeah... what to believe, right? You can't know if you want to become friends with her in the future.

The way I see it, is if she's in your 'friendsgroup', she could become a friend if you are ok with her dating others. If not, then it's best to never really see each other anymore.

 

I also found out something interesting: The Night my ex decided to message me (saturday-sunday) she was dating this new guy for 6 months (sunday).....

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I don't know, My ex also told me she wasn't in love with this colleague but yeah... what to believe, right? You can't know if you want to become friends with her in the future.

The way I see it, is if she's in your 'friendsgroup', she could become a friend if you are ok with her dating others. If not, then it's best to never really see each other anymore.

 

I also found out something interesting: The Night my ex decided to message me (saturday-sunday) she was dating this new guy for 6 months (sunday).....

 

So u messaged her back???

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No, Obviously I remember the day she dumped me. 2-3 weeks of begging, she finally admitted that the guy asked her to be his girlfriend and they had sex for the first time. Whether she had sex with him before that is up to debate but I don't think they were officially dating untill then.

 

A woman knows when she's 6 month together with her boyfriend and she messages me on the day before, which I think is weird. Still, it could be nothing, it could be me overanalyzing things.

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No, Obviously I remember the day she dumped me. 2-3 weeks of begging, she finally admitted that the guy asked her to be his girlfriend and they had sex for the first time. Whether she had sex with him before that is up to debate but I don't think they were officially dating untill then.

 

A woman knows when she's 6 month together with her boyfriend and she messages me on the day before, which I think is weird. Still, it could be nothing, it could be me overanalyzing things.

 

Damn. I remember that day for myself too. I really felt like it was going to blow over the next day and she was going to feel stupid for wanting to split. It was about a month of begging for me. I planned on marrying her, made the effort to go forward with it too. It's funny because that is the one thing that I thought would never ever happen. I never imagined that she would leave me. Things were always great, if there was ever an argument it was resolved quickly. If you asked me 3 months ago where I would see myself in a couple years, I would've said happily married with the girl of my dreams, possibly in a nice house. Now, everything is just in the fog. I have no idea what I'll be doing then. I just do what I can to enjoy myself in my free time. But there will always be that moment in the day where I think about it, for however long. Sometimes minutes or an hour. Sometimes I catch myself saying that I hate her out loud for doing this to me. I can still say I do love her, I don't want to be cruel, but I so want to see her in the position she put me in. I want her to know what it really feels like to hurt like I did.

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Damn. I remember that day for myself too. I really felt like it was going to blow over the next day and she was going to feel stupid for wanting to split. It was about a month of begging for me. I planned on marrying her, made the effort to go forward with it too. It's funny because that is the one thing that I thought would never ever happen. I never imagined that she would leave me. Things were always great, if there was ever an argument it was resolved quickly. If you asked me 3 months ago where I would see myself in a couple years, I would've said happily married with the girl of my dreams, possibly in a nice house. Now, everything is just in the fog. I have no idea what I'll be doing then. I just do what I can to enjoy myself in my free time. But there will always be that moment in the day where I think about it, for however long. Sometimes minutes or an hour. Sometimes I catch myself saying that I hate her out loud for doing this to me. I can still say I do love her, I don't want to be cruel, but I so want to see her in the position she put me in. I want her to know what it really feels like to hurt like I did.

 

Hopefully I can help you a little bit on what to do but obviously not all women are the same. You didn't hear a lot from her, right ?

 

I'm just doing now what most people on the internet say you should do and that's ignoring her, at least untill she made it clear she wants to get back with me or something similar. I don't know if I made the right choice but the last time we had contact it didn't help me. Who knows I might never hear anything from her because I damaged her 'pride' but if that's the case she wasn't looking to get back with me either. If a woman really wants you she will do everything in her power.

 

I've been thinking long and hard on why she contacted me and what I would do were I in her position. It has been 6 months, so I don't think it's guilt anymore and I've read that an ex doesn't really reach out to you with 'meaningless conversation' (like asking why I didn't go to that birthday) if she doesn't care about you. I mean, think about it: If you dumped your girlfriend for someone else, would you go and ask her "Hey, I saw lights burning at your house, why aren't you out drinking with your friends?" I like your honest opinion if you beg to differ though.

 

So yeah I'm secretly hoping it's more than just a checkup and honestly I think there are still unresolved feelings inside of her. She spent every day with me, we were very close, still had sex, still did all the things couples do, still talked about marriage/kids and 3 weeks before she dumped me we made a photo collage of our best photo's (her initiative)...

 

I'm pretty sure she has been thinking about me lately and I'm sure she will get frustrated since if I won't message her. Time will tell but I don't think this will be the last thing I hear from her.

 

Like I said, I hope I can help you in the future but know it could take 6 months or more.

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Hopefully I can help you a little bit on what to do but obviously not all women are the same. You didn't hear a lot from her, right ?

 

I'm just doing now what most people on the internet say you should do and that's ignoring her, at least untill she made it clear she wants to get back with me or something similar. I don't know if I made the right choice but the last time we had contact it didn't help me. Who knows I might never hear anything from her because I damaged her 'pride' but if that's the case she wasn't looking to get back with me either. If a woman really wants you she will do everything in her power.

 

I've been thinking long and hard on why she contacted me and what I would do were I in her position. It has been 6 months, so I don't think it's guilt anymore and I've read that an ex doesn't really reach out to you with 'meaningless conversation' (like asking why I didn't go to that birthday) if she doesn't care about you. I mean, think about it: If you dumped your girlfriend for someone else, would you go and ask her "Hey, I saw lights burning at your house, why aren't you out drinking with your friends?" I like your honest opinion if you beg to differ though.

 

So yeah I'm secretly hoping it's more than just a checkup and honestly I think there are still unresolved feelings inside of her. She spent every day with me, we were very close, still had sex, still did all the things couples do, still talked about marriage/kids and 3 weeks before she dumped me we made a photo collage of our best photo's (her initiative)...

 

I'm pretty sure she has been thinking about me lately and I'm sure she will get frustrated since if I won't message her. Time will tell but I don't think this will be the last thing I hear from her.

 

Like I said, I hope I can help you in the future but know it could take 6 months or more.

 

I do think there are unresolved feelings. I totally agree with you. I don't believe it was a meaningless text at 1 am. Youve chased like I did, and then went no contact. I think she's honestly missing you now. Like you said, you were together all the time and were very close.

 

She hasn't really contacted me a lot. It usually was started by me. There has only been 3 occasions that she contacted me. Thanksgiving, a random apology and then one that was late at night a week before Christmas because I was in NC for two weeks. The last one before Christmas I could tell she missed me too. She said the holidays didn't feel as special this year for some reason. But honestly I took it hard when she did text and chased a little then afterwards. I haven't really talked to her at all since December 28th, but I did text her wishing her a Happy Birthday a week ago in the middle of the night because I was out with friends, knowing she was asleep and wouldn't respond. But she did reply in the morning, but I didn't reply back. I've been doing good with No Contact.

 

I used to see her everyday too. I'd drop her off at the train each morning for her to take to work and would pick her up in the evenings. We too were very close. She went to Europe to visit her homeland with her parents in August and texted me everyday saying how much she couldn't wait to come home and see me again. I can't tell you the amount of times that she told me how much having me in her life means to her. I felt the same way. My younger brother died 8 years ago, she was a friend of his from school, and I honestly met her at his funeral. Her best friend went out with my other brother, so she was at my house often after that, and we just grew on each other. We had a lot of similar interests. I never thought it would turn into what felt like an unbreakable bond. She always told me that even though I suffered from my brothers death, that she felt that it was supposed to make us find each other. Maybe that's why I have a hard time sometimes.

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Wow, what a comforting thread. This almost perfectly explains my ex's behavior. She's 26, been dating for 3 years, and all of a sudden ended things last week to my surprise. The only addition is that her "extreme change in lifestyle" was moving away to Washington DC. And the break up happened right before we were about to "make a much larger commitment to each other," meaning I was going to move away from home to be with her in DC. She moved away in August, and our relationship was slowly starting to struggle over the months of fall, due to both of us being very busy with our jobs. However, I visited her over Thanksgiving and had a great time, we talked about our issues with long distance, and I thought we were going to make it. Six weeks later, she decided she didn't want this situation anymore. That she just wanted to be living the city life, and not have to constantly be concerned about me, and all the complications of asking another person to completely uproot their life for her. She came up with a bunch of different reasons in addition to the distance that seemed quite flimsy to me, and even she seemed unconvinced about them herself when telling them to me ("grasping at straws"). We had a very good break up. She did give me the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" line, but also reiterated many times how MUCH she loves me ("mixed signals"). She hinted at possibly getting back together down the road, but that right now she just needs to be on her own, clear her head, figure out her new life for her, beholden to no one else. We even kissed several times upon saying goodbye.

 

I guess what's been most comforting when reading this post is figuring out what I'm supposed to do. We parted on such friendly terms, that I wasn't exactly sure how to handle it. I've had my heart broken before, and I know from my past mistakes handling that one that the thing to do is to go No Contact. But I just wasn't sure with this situation. With such a flimsy line of reasoning, am I supposed to fight for her to win her back? Is it laying down and dying not to try? These are the thoughts running through my head, but after reading this, I know just to give her her distance and let her come to me. She's probably assuming I'll be contacting her once in awhile, so perhaps when it becomes more clear that's not going to happen, she may realize "the grass isn't greener" so to speak. She said we might be able to get together the next time she is back in town (sometime in late Spring) and reevaluate the situation, but I can't let that possibility string me along. It seems unlikely that a few months will be enough time for her to achieve what she needs to, as good as the idea of reconciling sounds right now.

 

I know everyone has their own stories they'd like to talk about, but I'd appreciate any thoughts you might have on my situation as well. I've been through this pain before, and I've handled it all incredibly well this time. I'm able to see things maturely and rationally; however, that doesn't mean I'm not still in pain.

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