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"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome


Mayday11

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Yeah that's what I'm saying. Me and my ex were doing pretty great, obviously not everything was perfect and we had our bad moments but for the most part I thought we had a great connection. I guess at the age of 23 something just changed inside her head. I gave her all the attention she needed... lost control of myself basically trying to please her. So eventually instead of trying to make things better she just dumps me for the next guy.

 

Getting dumped because the girl of your dreams, the one who you wanted to marry decides to date someone else is really hard, especially because this guy has a better job and she apparently believed she was better than me. It really breaks a man's self-esteem. Remember this girl told me she wanted to marry me on our 6th anniversary, which was 2 weeks before she dumped me. I probably never know if she was toying with my head, she initiated the marrying talk herself....

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Yeah that's what I'm saying. Me and my ex were doing pretty great, obviously not everything was perfect and we had our bad moments but for the most part I thought we had a great connection. I guess at the age of 23 something just changed inside her head. I gave her all the attention she needed... lost control of myself basically trying to please her. So eventually instead of trying to make things better she just dumps me for the next guy.

 

Getting dumped because the girl of your dreams, the one who you wanted to marry decides to date someone else is really hard, especially because this guy has a better job and she apparently believed she was better than me. It really breaks a man's self-esteem. Remember this girl told me she wanted to marry me on our 6th anniversary, which was 2 weeks before she dumped me. I probably never know if she was toying with my head, she initiated the marrying talk herself....

 

Your ex sounds like my ex, live life and enjoy all that it brings to you.

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@fleshandbone

 

You don't know when or if he returns, it could be weeks, months , years ..... but one thing is for sure, IF he comes back you've got the power to make a choice and decide whether he's worth giving another shot. Untill that time you should not put your life on hold and I know it's hard but these questions are pretty much useless right now. I do think it might be better if he stayed away for a couple of months rather than if he would come back in a few weeks, chances are he would do it again.

 

Definitely not putting my life on hold. I did a lot of thinking the last like 2 days, and I kinda just said "ef it". If he wants to go do whatever it is he's doing, then go. Something I've always said throughout my life, is I offer, I don't beg. So, I'm done with at least caring about what he does.

 

Like you were saying, I'm choosing to be happy. I've been so clouded by everything, just the loss of everything, and I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm just gonna ignore my x until I get my own place, and then I'm gonna never look back. I'm not gonna live in the past. I'm choosing to be move on from this, with what's left of my pride, because I know I deserve better that this.

 

Now, that's not to say that I'm not still in love with my x. Because I am. But, because I love him, I'm just letting go. Now does that mean, I'm not gonna have a bad day still, no. I'm still incredibly hurt and I'm not looking to start a relationship with any time soon. But, I'm not gonna ignore the chance to take this time to do me. So, I'm gonna go out by myself, explore my new city, and let life just run it's course.

 

Today I went out and got a slice a pizza from my favorite place after work, and while I was there I hit on the bartender because I noticed he was interested. I've never had a problem picking up guys, so I'm not afraid I'll end up alone forever. What I was afraid of was losing a love that I believed in, a love that I still believe in. But, I can't make my x see that, he has to reap what he's sowed, and maybe he'll realize what we had and maybe he won't. But, I can find someone else, and someone else could love me. And someday I'll be ready to love again too, but I don't have to worry about that right now. I just have to focus on me and moving forward one day at a time. Sometimes one hour or a minute at a time.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can't believe I went through all of these pages reading everything. Maybe it's because I'm desperate, who's knows. My ex and I were together for almost 8 years, then she left me two and half months ago. Said nothing was wrong, that she was happy with our relationship but she just wanted to see if she was missing out on life. She claimed she felt like we would wind up back in each other's arms one day. Of course I was over emotional, this was the girl that was meant to be with me. I even started putting money down on an engagement ring. So of course I gave chase, probably was the worse thing I could've down. It went from living life and thinking well come back together in the end to I don't think we're right for each other and don't think we'll ever be together again. The thing that gets me the most is that she says she has feelings for her coworker, someone who is married. She claimed that she's hung out with him a few times and they are getting to know each other. That sent me into a emotional frenzy and I told her I can't believe she would do something like that, help damage another woman's marriage. She claimed that's not that case, that he's having issues with his marriage. I feel like he's lying to her, to see how far he can get. The guy seems like the scum of the earth. Even the things that she told me about him in the past when she first started working there. A few weeks back when I heard about this, I messaged her a link on how it's not a safe thing to do, hang out with a married guy with the simple message "use your head". Strangely I feel like it got into her head. I don't know for sure but I know that when she does go out, that she doesn't go on her phone, she thinks it's rude. The guys wife is a teacher so she's been home all week due to the holiday, and my ex has been on Facebook constantly, which leads me to believe she's home. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what is she doing online, is she looking at my page? I know it's not healthy to dwell on these things, in fact I have a date with a friend tonight. She actually knows the both of us, not something I intended but it just kinda fell into my lap. Part of me though wishes she'll just snap of this and tell me she was wrong, but I don't know if I'd be able to trust someone who could do that.

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Your story is similar to mine aswell as many others here.

 

It seems like many men and women feel like they want something else after they've been in a relationship for quite a long time. They start to believe they can do better than their current situation, even if most things in your relationship was great, they still seek to discover what's out there. Often they fall in love with a colleague and start to chase that person.

 

It has been 6 months for me since she left me (6yr relationship), I don't know everything, your situation could be different but I could tell you what most likely will happen. Your ex has put her mind on this colleague and there's nothing you can do at this moment. Believe me, telling her how stupid her decision is or argueing simply doesn't help you, in fact it might even push her to go through with it. Somehow when people tell you not to do something, you are going to do it. Same thing happened to me.

 

Your ex has to find out on her own whether her decision was the right one or not, there's nothing you can do at this point. The good news is that this guy is married so that could lead to problems. The bad news is , even if she would come back after a few months, you still got the trust issue and negative thoughts about her. If you even want another shot with her, you first need to get rid of these negative thoughts, forgive her and trust her again. If not, your relationship is doomed to fail again.

 

You never know how long this 'rebound relationship' will last so try to stay positive, live your life like you did before.

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Your story is similar to mine aswell as many others here.

 

It seems like many men and women feel like they want something else after they've been in a relationship for quite a long time. They start to believe they can do better than their current situation, even if most things in your relationship was great, they still seek to discover what's out there. Often they fall in love with a colleague and start to chase that person.

 

It has been 6 months for me since she left me (6yr relationship), I don't know everything, your situation could be different but I could tell you what most likely will happen. Your ex has put her mind on this colleague and there's nothing you can do at this moment. Believe me, telling her how stupid her decision is or argueing simply doesn't help you, in fact it might even push her to go through with it. Somehow when people tell you not to do something, you are going to do it. Same thing happened to me.

 

Your ex has to find out on her own whether her decision was the right one or not, there's nothing you can do at this point. The good news is that this guy is married so that could lead to problems. The bad news is , even if she would come back after a few months, you still got the trust issue and negative thoughts about her. If you even want another shot with her, you first need to get rid of these negative thoughts, forgive her and trust her again. If not, your relationship is doomed to fail again.

 

You never know how long this 'rebound relationship' will last so try to stay positive, live your life like you did before.

 

Yea, everything I read insisted that me telling her might push her to go through with it. It probably already has. Only she knows really. I haven't contacted her and I'm continuing not to. She's gotta figure out everything on her own, and I have to build myself back up. The problem with living my life like I did before is that I was really young before the relationship started and my brother passed away right before it so I was just grieving for months before. I gotta discover myself too now

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My ex of four years broke up with me last October 20, 2015 so it's almost 3 months now. Prior to the breakup, we had several fights about me being depressed about job hunting and as I tried to break up with him in September to fix myself because ai knew I was being unfair to him, he cried and begged me not to leave him and said would deal with everything that I throw at him.

 

We eventually got along better after that. Even celebrated our 4th year on October 2. After that, I found out he was cheating on me with his officemate. He gave this girl souvenirs from our anniversary trip, was chatting and texting her without my knowledge and seeing her on her night shifts. When I confronted him, he cried and said he would fix it and was terribly sorry. A few weeks after that, I again found out he planned to tell this girl he liked her and said it was for us because he wanted to get it off his chest so that he can focus on us. We were going back and forth and eventually he dumped me with the reason he wanted to be alone, needs space and doesn't kno what he wants. He stands by his decision and said he wanted to make mistakes. On that day, I can still remember his coldness. Up till now, he really shows that he doesn't care anymore about me.

 

Indirectly, I would find out from my friends that he justifies the breakup as doesn't regret leaving me at all and chose to be happy on his own and that there would be no chances of reconciliation ever for us and that his choice to leave me didn't involve a third party.

 

I am mutual friends on Facebook with his officemates and on those days that I could not control my urges, I often see him in pictures with his officemates atogether with the girl he cheated on me with dining out, going places, traveling and so I would like to believe his statements that he is indeed enjoying life more without me.

 

It pains me but I don't want to put my life on hold and since then has unfollowed our mutual friends and although after three months I'm still hung up on him, I am trying to recover everyday. He has me blocked everywhere so I can't contact him even if I want to. The point of me posting here is maybe I'm finding closure as to whether he did leave me because of GIGS or not. Based on his words "I chose to be happy on my own"and his actions like traveling, eating out often, it sounds like GIGS.

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My ex of four years broke up with me last October 20, 2015 so it's almost 3 months now. Prior to the breakup, we had several fights about me being depressed about job hunting and as I tried to break up with him in September to fix myself because ai knew I was being unfair to him, he cried and begged me not to leave him and said would deal with everything that I throw at him.

 

We eventually got along better after that. Even celebrated our 4th year on October 2. After that, I found out he was cheating on me with his officemate. He gave this girl souvenirs from our anniversary trip, was chatting and texting her without my knowledge and seeing her on her night shifts. When I confronted him, he cried and said he would fix it and was terribly sorry. A few weeks after that, I again found out he planned to tell this girl he liked her and said it was for us because he wanted to get it off his chest so that he can focus on us. We were going back and forth and eventually he dumped me with the reason he wanted to be alone, needs space and doesn't kno what he wants. He stands by his decision and said he wanted to make mistakes. On that day, I can still remember his coldness. Up till now, he really shows that he doesn't care anymore about me.

 

Indirectly, I would find out from my friends that he justifies the breakup as doesn't regret leaving me at all and chose to be happy on his own and that there would be no chances of reconciliation ever for us and that his choice to leave me didn't involve a third party.

 

I am mutual friends on Facebook with his officemates and on those days that I could not control my urges, I often see him in pictures with his officemates atogether with the girl he cheated on me with dining out, going places, traveling and so I would like to believe his statements that he is indeed enjoying life more without me.

 

It pains me but I don't want to put my life on hold and since then has unfollowed our mutual friends and although after three months I'm still hung up on him, I am trying to recover everyday. He has me blocked everywhere so I can't contact him even if I want to. The point of me posting here is maybe I'm finding closure as to whether he did leave me because of GIGS or not. Based on his words "I chose to be happy on my own"and his actions like traveling, eating out often, it sounds like GIGS.

 

Shoot, mine was literally 5 days before yours. I know how you feel. Oddest thing was, we didn't really fight too much. When we did it was about laziness. She started a new job about two years ago, busy season is when it's cold, she works in a heating company. I work manual labor so it can be draining. We would usually cancel our original plans to go out and do things mutually, and just hang out in her home. When she started hanging with her coworkers I got jealous. She would stay out later with them then she would with me. I would voice my opinion on it. Less than a week before the split was my birthday. My parents have a country home for vacationing and we went there and had a great time. There was no indication of her feeling this way. It wasn't until a couple days later that she went out again and I complained that they get more time with her than I do. That's when she started saying everything about wanting to live life, and that she wished we met when she was older.

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hey Lockdown, thanks for the reply. I don't even know if it was a case of GIGS for him since I'm just making assumptions based on his words and actions or because he left me for this other woman who was his coworker. I'd like to believe him when he said it wasn't because of infidelity. Or maybe because he could finally like someone without having to cheat on me. Based on the symptoms psted in the first page, GIGS usually involve a person who wasn't sure of his choice. He clearly has told everyone of our friends that he doesn't want to reconcile and does not regret dumping me at all and that he was very happy to be free of me.

 

I shouldn't be looking for answers anymore but part of me wants to understand and answer the many questions I have in my head. It's been almost three months but I'm still losing sleep over this

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hey Lockdown, thanks for the reply. I don't even know if it was a case of GIGS for him since I'm just making assumptions based on his words and actions or because he left me for this other woman who was his coworker. I'd like to believe him when he said it wasn't because of infidelity. Or maybe because he could finally like someone without having to cheat on me. Based on the symptoms psted in the first page, GIGS usually involve a person who wasn't sure of his choice. He clearly has told everyone of our friends that he doesn't want to reconcile and does not regret dumping me at all and that he was very happy to be free of me.

 

I shouldn't be looking for answers anymore but part of me wants to understand and answer the many questions I have in my head. It's been almost three months but I'm still losing sleep over this

 

I totally get what u mean. My ex told me a month after she dumped me that she started having feelings about a coworker who is married and "is having a hard time with his wife". But she still tells me she cares so much about me and how she hurt me like this. If she does go the route of seeing him, "after his divorce" she's only going to go into a world of hurt. Part of me wants her to see and feel the pain that she's caused me. Sometimes I wonder if this was her agenda all along. To leave me and start something new so she doesn't cheat on me instead. It's very hard to not question these things. My head is filled with nothing but questions too. I lose sleep all the time as well. Even last night I dreamt that I was driving my work truck and seen her and her coworker hanging out in his car. It's like as much as I try to get thoughts out of my head, I'm still haunted by them. Thank god for this website though.

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My ex of four years broke up with me last October 20, 2015 so it's almost 3 months now. Prior to the breakup, we had several fights about me being depressed about job hunting and as I tried to break up with him in September to fix myself because ai knew I was being unfair to him, he cried and begged me not to leave him and said would deal with everything that I throw at him.

 

We eventually got along better after that. Even celebrated our 4th year on October 2. After that, I found out he was cheating on me with his officemate. He gave this girl souvenirs from our anniversary trip, was chatting and texting her without my knowledge and seeing her on her night shifts. When I confronted him, he cried and said he would fix it and was terribly sorry. A few weeks after that, I again found out he planned to tell this girl he liked her and said it was for us because he wanted to get it off his chest so that he can focus on us. We were going back and forth and eventually he dumped me with the reason he wanted to be alone, needs space and doesn't kno what he wants. He stands by his decision and said he wanted to make mistakes. On that day, I can still remember his coldness. Up till now, he really shows that he doesn't care anymore about me.

 

Indirectly, I would find out from my friends that he justifies the breakup as doesn't regret leaving me at all and chose to be happy on his own and that there would be no chances of reconciliation ever for us and that his choice to leave me didn't involve a third party.

 

I am mutual friends on Facebook with his officemates and on those days that I could not control my urges, I often see him in pictures with his officemates atogether with the girl he cheated on me with dining out, going places, traveling and so I would like to believe his statements that he is indeed enjoying life more without me.

 

It pains me but I don't want to put my life on hold and since then has unfollowed our mutual friends and although after three months I'm still hung up on him, I am trying to recover everyday. He has me blocked everywhere so I can't contact him even if I want to. The point of me posting here is maybe I'm finding closure as to whether he did leave me because of GIGS or not. Based on his words "I chose to be happy on my own"and his actions like traveling, eating out often, it sounds like GIGS.

 

A few fights shouldn't break up real love. He just found someone else he liked and things weren't going as smoothly in your current relationship so he took the easy way out, just like my ex did. At the moment they do believe "There's never a chance for reconcilliation" or "My choice to leave wasn't because of a third party" both things are pretty much bull, in my opinion. You don't know if he will come back but he's on his new 'journey' now to conquer this other girl. Like I've said in a previous post It often involves someone from work. There's not much you can do at this point, being angry, sad or trying to negotiate or argue with him will not work in your favour. If you try to convince him NOT to do it he will do it even faster.

 

I told my ex not to make any rash decisions when I found out she was dating some other guy. Within 2 weeks after she dumped me they were in a relationship and had sex. Within 2 months after the breakup they were going on a holiday together, meeting each others parents etc.

 

I know what you are thinking. They must've been fooling around quite a while before she dumped me but the fact is , she was spending every single day with me (we did not live together) she didn't even have time to fool around with some other guy.

 

The only thing you can do now is keep up the No Contact, even though you can't contact him and don't respond to any message, unless if he's really sorry. You shouldn't put your life on hold and I can see you're doing a lot better than I was after 3 months.

 

About the closure: You will most likely never get any closure. Even if he answered all your questions , you will never know if he's telling the truth.

Maybe I can give you a little bit of closure: He simply believes his life will be better with this other woman and has decided to follow that path. Time will tell if he will come back eventually.

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hey Lockdown, thanks for the reply. I don't even know if it was a case of GIGS for him since I'm just making assumptions based on his words and actions or because he left me for this other woman who was his coworker. I'd like to believe him when he said it wasn't because of infidelity. Or maybe because he could finally like someone without having to cheat on me. Based on the symptoms psted in the first page, GIGS usually involve a person who wasn't sure of his choice. He clearly has told everyone of our friends that he doesn't want to reconcile and does not regret dumping me at all and that he was very happy to be free of me.

 

I shouldn't be looking for answers anymore but part of me wants to understand and answer the many questions I have in my head. It's been almost three months but I'm still losing sleep over this

 

Like I said before, the fact he thinks his life will be better with someone else already makes it a 'grass is greener' but you could say that about a lot of breakups where the dumper starts chasing someone else. We shouldn't really label it like a 'syndrome', even though before I really wanted to believe my ex had some 'disease' that made her do this.

 

In many cases the dumper isn't mature enough to deal with some of the problems in a relationship and decides to go look around for someone else. Don't start thinking you're not "good enough" because you are.

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I totally get what u mean. My ex told me a month after she dumped me that she started having feelings about a coworker who is married and "is having a hard time with his wife". But she still tells me she cares so much about me and how she hurt me like this. If she does go the route of seeing him, "after his divorce" she's only going to go into a world of hurt. Part of me wants her to see and feel the pain that she's caused me. Sometimes I wonder if this was her agenda all along. To leave me and start something new so she doesn't cheat on me instead. It's very hard to not question these things. My head is filled with nothing but questions too. I lose sleep all the time as well. Even last night I dreamt that I was driving my work truck and seen her and her coworker hanging out in his car. It's like as much as I try to get thoughts out of my head, I'm still haunted by them. Thank god for this website though.
i know how you feel. It's been three months for me and I'm still so hung up on him and just have to push myself to move forward. I did the typical begging and pleading as well. Hope to continue healing and resist the urges to find out what he's doing
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Hi Khev thanks for the reply. Sometimes I feel like our whole relationship was a lie, that our four years was a waste of time because he really acts so cold and cruel or maybe I should be thankful because he's acting this way and making things easier for me.

 

Sorry to hewr about what happened to you. How are you now? It sometimes feels like no time has passed for me. I habe depression and severe anxiety. Sometimes I feel like my mental illness is what made us breakup. And i still long for breadcrumbs even though I know I will never receiv any at all.

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Hi Khev thanks for the reply. Sometimes I feel like our whole relationship was a lie, that our four years was a waste of time because he really acts so cold and cruel or maybe I should be thankful because he's acting this way and making things easier for me.

 

Sorry to hewr about what happened to you. How are you now? It sometimes feels like no time has passed for me. I habe depression and severe anxiety. Sometimes I feel like my mental illness is what made us breakup. And i still long for breadcrumbs even though I know I will never receiv any at all.

 

Well it has been 6+months now so I'm finally doing better now, still think about her a lot though but I guess that's what you get when loving someone too much (which could be one of the things that drove her away).

 

Your 4 years were no lie, in fact he really loved you and probably still does. I assume you had some good times during those 4 years so don't see it as a waste of time, I felt like that aswell because I wanted to marry my girlfriend etc. but just try to look at it as an experience which will help you in your next relation(s) or perhaps even in your new relationship with him.

 

After she dumped me I also had depression, stress etc. , pains in my chest and stomach for a month, I was drinking alcohol every day to be able to fall asleep... but it's all not worth it. Yes, I longed for breadcrumbs, even though I knew it would not bring her back it at least give me some comfort she was thinking of me. However, I can tell you right now that HE WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU. Perhaps not the way you want but obviously he still thinks about you.

 

What helped me (not saying it will help you though) is just think everything will be alright. Think like: "I will either get him back OR get someone better" either way you will win. Oh yeah and also Men pretty much ALWAYS come back, whether you want that or not is up to you though. I know these times are hard but try and stay positive, live your life like you did before, don't think about negative things (like who he's with or where he is), don't be jealous and last but not least: Forgive Him! Not saying you should forget about him but just forgive him, it doesn't mean you are OK with what he has done but believe me you will feel better instead of being angry etc.

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A few weeks short of our breakuo as fate and painful coincidence would have it, I have seen him thrice. And on those three occassions, he was always out with the girl. It was so painful that I developed a phobia for going out. Everytime I tried to step out of the house, My heart would race and I would break out in cold sweats and hyperventilate. Due to this, I have put all my job searching to a pause and sought professional help. Im still a long way from being better.

 

Those were huge coincindences because I avoided all the places I knew I had chances of running into him. Also recently I lost my phone and a guy who picked it up texted all my friends that I got into a car accident. Since my friends got panicky, he was the one they contacted to ask for my mother's number to verify if I really did get into an accident. He just said he doesn't have it wnymore and ended the phone call. He didn't even worry at all.

 

I do believe in Action speaks louder than words so with all that I have seen, I know he really means his words when he says he doesn't regret leaving me at all and that he really is a lot happier, and that he's never coming back. I know and have seen that he really meant it all. I had or rather have high hopes for reconciliation but I have to put those to rest every single day because his words ring true.

 

I was never angry at him even if he put me through a lot of pain, I still love him. What I hope for is indifference. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

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A few weeks short of our breakuo as fate and painful coincidence would have it, I have seen him thrice. And on those three occassions, he was always out with the girl. It was so painful that I developed a phobia for going out. Everytime I tried to step out of the house, My heart would race and I would break out in cold sweats and hyperventilate. Due to this, I have put all my job searching to a pause and sought professional help. Im still a long way from being better.

 

Those were huge coincindences because I avoided all the places I knew I had chances of running into him. Also recently I lost my phone and a guy who picked it up texted all my friends that I got into a car accident. Since my friends got panicky, he was the one they contacted to ask for my mother's number to verify if I really did get into an accident. He just said he doesn't have it wnymore and ended the phone call. He didn't even worry at all.

 

I do believe in Action speaks louder than words so with all that I have seen, I know he really means his words when he says he doesn't regret leaving me at all and that he really is a lot happier, and that he's never coming back. I know and have seen that he really meant it all. I had or rather have high hopes for reconciliation but I have to put those to rest every single day because his words ring true.

 

I was never angry at him even if he put me through a lot of pain, I still love him. What I hope for is indifference. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

 

I have no doubt in my mind he meant it when he said that he's happier now and that he's never coming back, because that's indeed how he feels for the moment. Feelings do change over time, perhaps he finds out he made the right decision or he finds out she's not that great as he expected.

There's not a very high chance for a rebound relationship to develop into a meaningful relationship. Like my ex, your ex is using this other person to forget about you and so he puts his feelings aside. At the moment he doesn't miss you, he's got someone else to fill in the blanks but once that relationship isn't "perfect" anymore he might start to think about you. If his new relationship fails he probably comes running back to you but you probably don't want him anymore.

 

It seems like you two had a pretty good relationship but like you I was also searching for a new job. So they take the easy way out and find someone who already has a good job... problem solved.

 

I can't explain why he wasn't worried about your well being, if he ever really loved you obviously he should have been worried. Perhaps he thought it was just a cry for attention? I Don't know.

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I feel like my ex is using her coworker to forget about me too, but good luck with that because we share the same name lol

 

My ex somehow found someone that looks similar to me, not just my opinion but others have told me aswell. I only know his good traits etc. but obviously he has his flaws aswell but you won't hear them from your ex.

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I have no doubt in my mind he meant it when he said that he's happier now and that he's never coming back, because that's indeed how he feels for the moment. Feelings do change over time, perhaps he finds out he made the right decision or he finds out she's not that great as he expected.

There's not a very high chance for a rebound relationship to develop into a meaningful relationship. Like my ex, your ex is using this other person to forget about you and so he puts his feelings aside. At the moment he doesn't miss you, he's got someone else to fill in the blanks but once that relationship isn't "perfect" anymore he might start to think about you. If his new relationship fails he probably comes running back to you but you probably don't want him anymore.

 

It seems like you two had a pretty good relationship but like you I was also searching for a new job. So they take the easy way out and find someone who already has a good job... problem solved.

 

I can't explain why he wasn't worried about your well being, if he ever really loved you obviously he should have been worried. Perhaps he thought it was just a cry for attention? I Don't know.

 

I never did anything that would call for his attention. Although I begged and cried, I never contacted him right on the day after my breakup since I respected his decision moreso because he has me blocked everywhere. I don't know what I did for him to act so cold and mean. I only found out about this because my friend was very upset that he wasn't helping at all for a very panicky situation. But it broke my heart to know he doesn't care whether I die or get run over by a car in front of him. like I said, action speaks louder than words. Maybe I was right the first time when I said those 4 years were a lie

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I never did anything that would call for his attention. Although I begged and cried, I never contacted him right on the day after my breakup since I respected his decision moreso because he has me blocked everywhere. I don't know what I did for him to act so cold and mean. I only found out about this because my friend was very upset that he wasn't helping at all for a very panicky situation. But it broke my heart to know he doesn't care whether I die or get run over by a car in front of him. like I said, action speaks louder than words. Maybe I was right the first time when I said those 4 years were a lie

 

Well I don't know things for sure. I suppose it could be possible to be with someone without being in love for 4 years.... but still you've build up a bond together in those 4 years which can't easily be broken just like that. If these things are true and he really doesn't give a damn then it's probably be for the best he left you or maybe it's just his personality.

 

If you had a good time the 4 years were not a waste. Sure, you did not get towards your goal to maybe marry him, have kids etc. but you still gained a lot of experience and you will know what you want in your next relationship.

 

Him being cold could be explained. Most dumpers feel guilty about their actions, they often still love you but want to forget you. So what do they do? They simply cut all communication so they don't have to explain themselves or listen to you crying about the relationship. Like I said, I cannot explain the 'car accident' part and why he acted like that.

My ex desperately wanted to become my friend for almost 2 months after she dumped me, which prolonged my hurting because everytime I felt like I could win her back, which obviously never worked.

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I loved this guy since I was 15. Although I dated some guys, he was my first serious relationship. I was the happiest when we started to date after 5 years of being friends and me secretly loving him and then 4 years of us. That's a long time and for him to act this way, it's like I never knew this guy at all. Like a complete stranger.

 

My emotional side wants him back but the rational part knows it's never going to work out between us anymore. It just hurts that I'm the only one who's still hung up on him while he's happily and easily moving on with his life.

 

I know I shouldn't but I keep looking for some sign, any sign at all that I at least mattered. Or maybe it's just my bruised ego.

 

My fear is that because I loved him for a long time and so hung up on him is that i wouldn't be able to get over him.

 

It's his birthday next Sunday, and I feel like reaching out by using another number but probably wont do me any good.

 

Thanks for the explanation on the acting cold part. I still remember the day he broke up with me so vividly. He had a poker face and all his responses were so cold and wouldn't even look at m the in the eyes when I was talking to him

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I loved this guy since I was 15. Although I dated some guys, he was my first serious relationship. I was the happiest when we started to date after 5 years of being friends and me secretly loving him and then 4 years of us. That's a long time and for him to act this way, it's like I never knew this guy at all. Like a complete stranger.

 

My emotional side wants him back but the rational part knows it's never going to work out between us anymore. It just hurts that I'm the only one who's still hung up on him while he's happily and easily moving on with his life.

 

I know I shouldn't but I keep looking for some sign, any sign at all that I at least mattered. Or maybe it's just my bruised ego.

 

My fear is that because I loved him for a long time and so hung up on him is that i wouldn't be able to get over him.

 

It's his birthday next Sunday, and I feel like reaching out by using another number but probably wont do me any good.

 

Thanks for the explanation on the acting cold part. I still remember the day he broke up with me so vividly. He had a poker face and all his responses were so cold and wouldn't even look at m the in the eyes when I was talking to him

 

My ex's whole reason for leaving me was because she wants to make sure she's not missing out on anything because we were together since she's 15. I can only hope that she feels something for me still like you feel for your ex. I wish you the best.

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It's amazing and sad that we sometimes end up with people who doesn't share our same ideals and beliefs in love. We both had almost the same breakup date right? If you need someone to talk to, you can personally send me a message. I wish you the best too and hope you reach the point of indifference soon

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