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"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome


Mayday11

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No problem, that is what these forums are for. I hope the advice you get helps you make the right decision for you.

 

It is quite weird giving advice about this, as I imagine my girlfriend (who ended our relationship) felt quite similar to you.

 

If he knows nothing is wrong, then I guess this will bide you some further time to discuss things as he wont start asking hard to answer questions just yet. Dont worry about feeling confusing and not knowing what to think, these are all common "symptons" if you will.

 

Looking at things from an outside perspective, your head has been turned by the curiosity of what this other guy has to offer you. Your brain is in over drive thinking of a million and one scenarios that you might want to happen with this other guy. You are probably also beginning to compare him to your current partner and because of the way you feel the other guy is possibly coming out on top.

 

It seems to me like the beginning of a slippery slope. Say you leave your current partner and begin seeing this other guy, I can promise you now that the first few weeks maybe even months will be amazing. It will be what is (I think) called the honeymoon period. However, because of the nature of your attraction to this guy and the uncertainty regarding his feelings it would be fair for me to say that there is no future at all with this other man. Once the initial "honeymoon period" wears off and you start to look at this other man in a different light, perhaps the same light you look at your current partner I would imagine that you will realise what a huge mistake you have made. This is probably when you will start comparing things he does with what (lets say your possible ex) did. It is then you will realise how much you truly did love your ex.

 

Will this other man accept your daughter as his own for the rest of his life? Is this man capable of being a future husband? Is this man who you want to spend the rest of your life with? These are questions you probably havent even thought of, because your brain is getting excited at the inital attraction and curiosity.

 

Remember, you are throwing yourself if you like into this mans life it is highly unlikely you will have time to even begin to get to know each other to even consider if he is right for you.

 

One thing I will say is do not invite the other man round whilst your partner is away. If your current partner finds out, unfortunately that could be the end and there may be no future what so ever. I know if I found out my ex had cheated there is zero chance of reconilliation. However, if you feel the same further down the line the best thing to do is be honest with your partner and explain that you need some time apart (perhaps suggest No Contact) for a period of 2 months or so to find out if this is what you want from the rest of your life. I guarntee he wont like it, he will be heartbroken but at least there is potential for his heart to mend with you in the future. Whereas with cheating, I doubt he would ever want you back.

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You say this is what happened with your relationship, were you guys together long? How did you take it when she told you?

i understand if you dont wanna answer these question, dont want to upset you in any way.

 

I know i keep saying this but its just so hard! I have been with him since i was 17 so he was basically my first serious bf. I do have to admit though that my partner has change alot in the last 6 years, his appearnace has change and he isnt his fun self anymore.. we used to go out alot with friends and have a laugh but now all he is interested in is computer games and junk food!! Its starting to annoy me a bit as we have spoke about it but he aint going to go back to what he was before, in his own words he said "he prefers to stay in and play games than socialise" I sometime i feel i have settled down way too young.. im only 23 and i have all this sitting on my shoulders!

The stupid thing is i cant imagine life without him!

 

The other guy is the total opposite of him, its like the other guy is what my partner used to be like! i cant stop thinking about him

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We had been together for 6 years, since we were both about 16. I knew something was wrong at least 3 weeks before she ended the relationship and she was obviously thinking about it even longer before I twigged.

 

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine, except we have no children involved.

 

It is really sad that you feel the way which you do and if I am being honest, it might take for you to end your current relationship and get to know this other guy before you realise (maybe 3 months down the line) that your current partner really is the one for you.

 

Perhaps the break up will be a big wake up call to your current partner and whilst initially it will hit him hard, it might also make him move forward with his life and start looking after himself again and therefore making himself much more attractive again to you. The only problem with that is, he might have moved on before you realise he really is the one for you.

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Hi gem1234,

All of this sounds very familiar.

I was dumped 6 weeks ago, it was going to be 5 years in December. Also together since we were 16 years old and each other first love. We're both 21 now.

 

My ex was also doubting for months. The main reason being that I changed, I wasn't the fun, self-confident, etc guy I was in the beginning. (To my defense this happened because I have insomnia for over a year and that really changed me in a bad way) I think the GIGS also has something to do with it because sometimes she thought she missed out on things by being in a serious relationship from such a young age. Though I don't think this was the main reason for her leaving me, she was just unhappy because I changed in to a bad version of me. (not intentionally)

 

I knew she was doubting, it made me anxious, it made me cling very hard to her which made her pull away. And I did make efforts to go back being that wonderful person I was in the beginning. This usually lasted for a week or 2, then I unconsciously knew it was safe again and I slipped back in my bad habits. The thing is, I'm never going to be the old, real me again if I don't sleep well. So, right know, I'm following a sleep therapy and everything else will follow

 

I believe, just like my ex, your focusing on your boyfriends negative aspects. You're slowly pulling away from him. You have doubts and constantly worry about them, what you have to do etc. By doing that, you're making it worse. So try to remember why you fell in love with him, read some old love letters, look at photo's. Start focusing on his positive characteristics and why he makes you happy.

 

Based on what I learned since my break-up and my own experiences I suggest you do this:

 

It's clear you don't want to lose him as he still means much to you.

 

First, tell him about your doubts. Tell him everything, don't hold back because you're afraid to hurt his feelings. If you don't tell him everything, he may not understand how serious it is. Two weeks after I was dumped, my ex told me there were times (not always) she didn't feel like kissing me or hugging me and just kissed me because she felt she had to.. She didn't tell me this because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. But guess what? By sparing my feelings, I was way more hurt in the end when we broke-up. Had I know this and other things before it was too late, we still could be together.. All my alarms would've gone off, that would've been my wake-up call! I knew we had problems, that she doubted us yet I never ever thought she would leave me..So make sure he understands the gravity of the situation! He must understand he makes you unhappy by not going out.

I can't be sure but it seems to me your boyfriend is taking you for granted, just like I did.

 

Now, I can imagine he's not going to react well to this. It probably comes out of the blue for him. If he's like me, he will become insecure about the relationship so you have to reassure him you want it to work. Say what you said here, that you can't imagine life without him but that you're not happy with the current situation.

 

Secondly, love is a verb! You can chose to be in love an be with someone! You have to rekindle the passion. Do something romantic, something you didn't do in a long time. Or redo your first date. Do exiting things together, go out with him..

 

There must be a reason why he doesn't want to go out and be social. Saying he prefers to play video games than socialise is not a reason. Get to the bottom of this, talk it out. Maybe he doesn't know how important this is for you, make this very clear to him! Maybe he's afraid to go out? (social anxiety) ??

 

 

If that doesn't work, maybe you should take a break. Say for a month or two. Both focus on your self, that way he can improve him self, become the person he was in the beginning again and you will know how life is without him. Sometimes, time apart is the only thing that helps get a new perspective on things.

 

Sadly, I believe superman87 to be right and that you first have to make the mistake of breaking up before you realise what you've lost. The GIGS is very common for LTR that started at a young age. Maybe you both need time apart to both realise what you have and what you can lose.

 

But it's not too late, you can still work it out. But you have to TALK and be completely OPEN and HONEST with him. Even if you hurt his feelings, it will be better for the long term.

 

 

As for the topic in general. My older brother (22) was also 5 years together with his first love from the age of 16. She had the grass is greener and left him. After 3-4 months she realised her mistake but he had moved on. I don't know what their situation is now, he's secretive about it I do know they are friends now and I suspect they will get back together with time. (Or they are back together already I really don't know.)

 

I

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Great post OP.

 

My ex. had this syndrome. Yet, she constantly accused me of wanting some other woman?????

 

Many times she said she should leave me for a guy with a more steady income. In fact, one night, in a drunken state, she told me she should have gone with her girls to some guys house for an "after-party." All because I did not pick her up in the middle of the street. Ouch!

 

With my ex. I think she developed this syndrome from

1) her friends and family. Her new roommate hates me and would always says that she deserves better. Her one sister is a gold-digger and gets everything paid for her by guys. Her other friend (20s) dates an older man (50s) and again gets everything paid for her. Her one friend, an arranged marriage to some wealthy guy. Her other sisters save money by living at home.

2) During the 1st year of our relationship I paid for everything.

3) Surprisingly, me giving her independence and trusting her. I never complained when she went out for girls night out or to Vegas with her sister. Shoot, I helped book the trip to Vegas. My previous ex. told me that this was 50% of the reason she left. Because it gives them the thought of the grass is greener. Its also why I never really went out for a guys night out. I knew to avoid the temptation.

 

I use to tell her money isn't everything. Plus, that she had so much more than all her friends and sisters. I have dated many gold-diggers, and my ex. is not a gold-digger, but she feels like she deserves and is entitled to a wealthy guy. I use to try and explain to her, I wish I could do those things for her and that I will someday. Her answer was I was just "telling her what she wanted to hear." It was like she did not really knew me after two plus years.

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we've been together since we were 18/19 all through uni, never broken up, the relationship everyone was jealous of, we spoke about getting married having kids etc, and his friends all knew it and he didnt care.

 

Snap, will keep interested in your journey and see how things pan out.

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The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

(AKA; itchy feet, quarter life crisis, early-twenty-itus)

 

The thing to keep in mind is that in these sorts of breakups, the dumpers themselves don't have any sort of answers to give. They're usually just as confused about the situation as the dumpee. This often adds more pain to the dumpee because they're just looking for some sort of reason as to why they're being hurt so badly and get completely frustrated when the dumper can't give them one. They think the dumper may be acting cruel or like the dumper is hiding something from them. This is usually not the case. The dumper isn't giving any answers because they don't have them.

.

 

Clearly there is a reason. They have found someone that they think is better.

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Question: What if you ex has this and then comes back when they realise the grass really isnt greener? Do you give them another chance?

 

Depends on how you feel at that time doesnt it. That is a decision only you could ever make.

 

If they left you for someone else, would you want them back? If they left you because they become confused, uncertain and lost interest in the relationship but have now had time to be alone and realise it really is what they want then it should be worth another chance in my opinion. It wouldnt be easy. It would have to start off as any other new relationship would. There would be huge trust issues and insecurities and it would take time to get over these things.

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i am so glad i read this.

my BF of 4.5 years ended things 5.5 weeks ago totaly out of the blue when things seemd to be going so lovely.... all he can say is that something inside him switched and he has chagned and wants different things from life now.

 

i have prob text him a few texts in a row once a week but know i need to go into NC now. still love him and miss him so much.... although i now i have to move on, i secretly hope he will be back after a while of seeing the grass aint greener

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My wifes 39 and broke up with me 2 months ago with TGIGS.

 

Was told - im not happy. We dont have things in common. (this after 18 years together).

 

She wont cut me off and tries to keep me as a backup plan.

 

Changed from calling herself her usual name to a shortened version taht she never liked before.

 

Came completely out of the blue (moved into a new house about 6 weeks before, sex, everything normal then one sunday "im not happy"

 

Started seeing a guy she met online after a month and has been seeing him for a month.

 

We split 4 years ago and got back together after 2 months when she saw i was moving on, this time i havent began to move on. Same deal last time.

 

Its all to do with being 40 and assessing what she wants out her life, it isnt me, goodbye, its over.

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Absolutely Correct Mayday!

 

The only things that made it difficult for me to get over

- she got on a flight with someone the next day she broke up with me

- Told me she will 'NEVER' come back

- I kept beggin for a month or a little more until I found out (not from her but her emails - I checked) that she went with some other guy the next day she broke up with me

- We had NO problems (at least I couldn't see or experienced any) whatsoever.... rarely have had any fights over the 2 years relationship

- we were in different cities for the later part of relationship and she called to breakup

- Its been just too difficult to get over this...

 

and ya... I loved her like anything...

 

 

But Mayday is absolutely correct about most of it...

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My wifes 39 and broke up with me 2 months ago with TGIGS.

 

Was told - im not happy. We dont have things in common. (this after 18 years together).

 

She wont cut me off and tries to keep me as a backup plan.

 

Changed from calling herself her usual name to a shortened version taht she never liked before.

 

Came completely out of the blue (moved into a new house about 6 weeks before, sex, everything normal then one sunday "im not happy"

 

Started seeing a guy she met online after a month and has been seeing him for a month.

 

We split 4 years ago and got back together after 2 months when she saw i was moving on, this time i havent began to move on. Same deal last time.

 

Its all to do with being 40 and assessing what she wants out her life, it isnt me, goodbye, its over.

 

Me too dude. Not my wife, but gf. She is 38. Left for GIGS. even movbed right in with him. Gave me all of the excuses in the book. We argue she brought up an argument that happened 3 yrs ago. I laughed.

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  • 1 month later...

When i bumped into this thread, everything is perfectly clear now.

For weeks, I was confused how our relationship slowly deteriorated. I tried to salvage it from the time I noticed she is slowly changing.

Points I've notice before breakup

1. Sex- she is not as enthusiastic as before. She would rather sleep, makes excuses of not feeling well and she is not into it anymore.

2. Doing things differently- starts to smoke, nightclubs, going out with friends, having this "new confidant".

3. Irritable- she is not as patient with the arguments and starts to bring out all the bad things you've done from the past.

 

When she dropped the bomb, I gave in to her "give me space to think" excuse. A week later, she was with the guy she was telling me before, the guy who she defended as a good friend and nothing more.

I asked her why? And she can't even give me a straight answer. Again, because probably she doesn't have one and she is as confused as I was.

Now, after analyzing all of this, I hope she doesn't regret her decision. I'm slowly gaining my self esteem again, doing things better in my job and learning each day to forget her. Being dumped because of GIGS i think is the hardest thing a person can go through. There are so many why's that wants to be answered.

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I may have found the real reason I just ended my 5 year relationship.

 

My boyfriend and I had always been crazy about each other, and we always thought others must be so jealous of what we had. We have had our issues, but we have matured and grown together and figured out how to communicate and deal with them, and overall, I think we've had a very functional, healthy relationship.

 

A couple of years ago, something similar to GIGS happened to me; I met someone who I thought might make me happier, and suddenly I began to wonder if my relationship was really as great as I had always thought. Nothing happened between the other person and I beyond talking, and I didn't leave. I smartened up, stopped talking to the other person, and decided I needed to work on my relationship. After some time, things went back to the way they were.

 

Two years later, I have found myself in a very similar predicament. Things were going well in my relationship, and I met someone else, and seemingly before I knew it I fell in love with him and the idea of what we could have and how it might be better than what I currently had. The other person excites me in a way I haven't felt for a long time, and he challenges me and makes me think about what I really want in life and what I really need to be happy. Again, I started finding flaws in my relationship and thinking of the issues we've had over the years, and I started to think that maybe we weren't meant to be, and maybe I was meant to be with this other man. Maybe by staying, I was giving up my chance to find true happiness. Maybe by things like this happening (this has happened more than the two times I've mentioned, throughout our relationship, but to a much more minor extent), it meant that I shouldn't be with him if I couldn't always stop wondering if the grass truly was greener elsewhere.

 

A few months ago, he could tell I was emotionally detached and I wasn't acting like myself. He suggested we take a break for me to figure it out because he didn't think I would take the step to do that. I stayed with a friend for a few weeks, and I wanted him to stop talking to me and to stop trying to force me to give him answers. Then I panicked and told him I had to try again with him; I couldn't give up on us that easily. I moved back into the house we shared, and I immediately thought it didn't feel right. A few weeks later, I left again. He has gone through stages of being nice to me, stating he misses me and loves me, as well as stages of seemingly hating me, telling me I've ruined his life and that I'm being selfish (which, in his defense, I kind of am...but all this time I've felt like I was following my heart and not doing him any favours by staying), all of which is quite understandable. The last time we spoke, on the phone, he began with anger and blaming, then he stated he loves me and misses me, and that he understands maybe this is for the best, said he wishes he could make me happy, and ended the conversation by saying we probably shouldn't have any more contact. I was okay with that at the time and figured it would help us both move on. All this time, I have also been worried about hurting the other man and giving up what could be in store for us. He has encouraged me to do what I think will make me the happiest, although he thinks going back would be the wrong decision. I've also realized I am not emotionally able to move on with someone else, although I keep reaching out to him for comfort.

 

The past few days, I have been an emotional wreck, and I have a very strong feeling that I made a mistake, even though it felt like the right thing to do at the time. I can't stop missing him, thinking of all the good things we had, and wondering if I just gave up what would make me truly happy in the long run. I don't know if I am just going through grieving and this is really for the best, or if I should go back. I have no idea what to do, and I just feel so lost. I'm afraid the window in which he might take me back is closing, and I may lose him if I don't figure it out immediately. I'm afraid if I go back I might realize it was a mistake to do so. I'm also afraid that this might happen again in the future if we were to get back together, and that's also one reason I was so set on ending it, because I didn't want to put us both through this again down the road. I have two totally different paths before me, and I don't know which one to take.

 

I don't expect any easy answers, but any insight would be so appreciated.

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Wow! I'm pretty sure that this is spot on with me and my ex. We have been broken up for three weeks. We dated for 3.5 years ever since we both graduated high school (we're both 22 yrs old). It was a pretty good relationship. We were each others' first for basically everything. We had our ups and downs like any other couple but we didnt argue alot. The problem was that she would keep stuff bottled up for months then hit me with it out of nowhere while I'm under the assumption that we are perfectly fine so when we would argue, it would be like WWIII. I admit my problems were that I wasnt as appreciative and affectionate as I should have been. It wasnt non existant but I could have done better. Everyday she would ask when we would get married and how I would propose and how many kids we would have. She started hanging out with her boss and other co workers at work back during spring (nothing big, just staff functions every now and then) and her assistant boss would tease her telling her the only reason she got so many perks was because the boss liked her. I told her I didnt mind her hanging around him because I trusted her and him (she would tell me how he always raved about me and wanted me to come work there so I made the mistake of letting my guard down and trusting him as well) and not to listen to her asst. boss.

 

The night before Thanksgiving, she spent the whole night with him just talking she said and that friday night stayed over there till sunrise and went to eat with him that morning. At this point I started developing suspicion and when she came to my place that day, I went through her phone (bad I know) and looked at her texts. There wasnt any stone cold evidence of cheating or anthing but I could just tell by their convos that there was something there. The only reason I didnt call her out though was because later that night she was crying in my arms telling me how she was scared he liked her and she didnt wanna give him the wrong idea. I foolishly told her as long as she didnt put herself in a bad situation and isnt over there all night then I trust her still. Sure enough the next day, she came by and told me we needed a "break" (a breakup) because she felt that she couldnt make me happy anymore and because she had feelings for someone else.

 

She gave me a bunch of b.s. reasons for the break up such as saying we needed to date other people (although the week before she was going on about marriage and babies), she couldnt make me happy (even though I was), and etc. For two weeks I blamed myself and begged, pleaded, and cried for a second chance and apologized for stuff that wasnt my fault not realizing that I was only boosting her ego while tearing down my own self esteem. We hung out several times and were civil but I just realized that it wasnt the same girl I fell in love. She told me how her and her boss stay over at each others' houses all the time and make out alot (I'm not certain but wouldnt be suprised if they do more) and I also found out that she just introduced him to the family the other day.

 

I finally initiated NC last Tuesday so I could heal (and admittedly with the hope of potentially reconciling). She called once and text once but I ignored her then she just stopped calling all together until today. She sent a simple "Hey and I ignored it. Then she sent me a text hours later saying how she hasnt heard from me in a while and if I didnt want to talk then she understood and was sorry for bothering me. Then an hour later she called and left a voicemail (sounding like she was crying) saying how she hasnt heard from me in a while and if I'm mad at her or dont want to talk then to just tell her and she will leave me alone. I dont know what to do from here. I know she is still seeing her boss so its' not like I can get back with her right now and I dont want anything to do with her while she is with him but I dont know if I should just keep ignoring her and remain a mystery to her or if I should just text her and tell her I have been busy.

 

Honestly part of me still wants her back but another part of me wants to tell her to go f*ck herself for putting me through this hell and heartache.

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I imagine what I'm about to post will go over about as well as a turd in a punchbowl, but it's how I feel on this subject.

 

[RANT]First, I have ZERO respect, compassion, understanding or empathy for these type of people. They are one step above rapists, murders and child molesters in my book. They use people like sexual sociopaths and are serial monogamists. They are weak, immature and selfish beyond forgiveness.

 

Now, having said that, there is a way they can change, but it's impossible for most of these types because they tend to think the world is there for them and their own enjoyment alone. It's also been my experience that once a person leaves a relationship in this manner twice it will be the pattern they are going to repeat for the rest of their lives unless they drop the BS walls they build around their hearts and take a long, hard look in the mirror. The reason I say twice is because anyone can make a mistake once, it's when you repeat that mistake knowing full well what you're doing and how it's going to destroy the lives around you that you have set the pattern and proven to be a waste of air and flesh.

 

I've been in three LTRs in my life, the last one being a 10 year one. I've found myself attracted to other women physically and emotionally and I put a stop to it once I realized how I was starting to feel. That's how I know these types are scum, because they make the conscious decision to do what they do. It's not "an accident" and they didn't just "fall in/out of love", they chose to act upon their urges like a animal instead of acting like a human being. These are the type of people who don't know and can't truly love anyone but themselves. They are a lost cause and should be avoided like an open garbage can full of medical waste outside of an AIDS clinic.

 

HOWEVER...they can change. I've seen it. It's extremely rare and I'd say maybe the amount of people that do change this behavior is in the single digit percentile, but it does happen once every blue moon. And when it does, they usually become some of the best people to be in a relationship with that are out there. They've been on the other side and know how disgusting they were and they will go the extra mile to make sure they never fall back into the same old behaviors. The problem is they have to have done to them what they do to others, and it has to be a person they honestly care about as much as they care about themselves that does it to them. Between that and the fact that these types refuse to see themselves for what they are and insist they are "good people" makes it hard to ever break the cycle. No one likes to really take a good look at themselves and see themselves for what they really are. Why do you think so many addicts have problem getting and staying clean? No one likes to think of their self as weak and broken.

 

My advice is this: Dig real hard into the background of your new SO's breakups. If you find the pattern that is talked about in this thread, LEAVE. RIGHT NOW. Do not get in any deeper than you already have. And if you're dumb enough to be the "other person", pull your head out of your butt and think for a second: If your new SO is willing to do this to their ex, they'll do it to you as well. Sorry, but despite what mommy told you you're not special and you're not going to be the one to "change" them. These are very deeply disturbed and flawed humans, you're not going to save them and you're just setting yourself up for a whole world of pain and misery down the road.[/RANT]

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I totally agree with Alstott Fan..........These "people" for want of a better word are immature borderline scum. People are not disposable items, they are flesh and blood and have emotions and feelings. These "people" that have GIG's wreak havoc and destroy peoples lives, all because they cannot deal with the reality of being in a mature relationship.

 

I respect Maydays post immensely as most of the observations are quite valid from what I have observed (having lived it and read thousands of articles and similar stories), however, the tone of it is morally repulsive. It pretty much equates GIG syndrome to some kind of natural emotional development some people go through and grow out of (true if your 8 years old and met a new boy/girl at your school). However over the age of 8 years old its completely unacceptable. In fact it could not be further from the truth. The psychopathology of the person with GIG is quite stark and there is massive overlap and co-morbidity with cluster-B personality disorders (GIG is a pure search for narcissistic supply). The person who has GIG is emotionally liable and their emotions shift quite dramatically at the turn of a switch. They soon realize that they made a wrong decision and depending on the flavor of their psychosis (BPD or NPD) come crawling back when the new "replacement you" fails to live up to their high unachievable expectations. This is where borderlines 'magical thinking' and splitting is at its finest. People must realize that the person who has GIG is NOT capable of maintaining a stable relationship. Their inability to see and live in the gray areas of normal relationship life causes them to have wildly distorted views and expectations that can NEVER be met by any man or woman, hence their cronic unhappiness. The person who has GIG typically devalues the relationship they are exiting and will paint their recent ex as a monster or fabricate some problems within the relationship in order to live with the shame of open emotional or physical infidelity, this tends to feed their psychosis that "things were not working" when the very reason things "were not working" was because of emotional or physical infidelity on their part. Usually you will hear some whopper excuses or arguments that happened years previous to the breakup, this also feeds their psychosis.

 

Its worth mentioning that this is NOT a breakup as its total ABANDONMENT. A breakup suggests that the dumpee has some say in the events, being left for GIG is total abandonment and a devastatingly cruel way to treat someone you supposedly loved!

 

A normal mentally balanced person can accept the conflicting moods within a relationship, provided there was no abuse within the relationship. The unhealthy mind holds onto resentment in the fear of being abandoned and thus reacts first through infidelity and abandons the relationship before they can be abandoned. This shows that they have unacceptably high expectations and psychologically if they think they aren't meeting these high expectations them you will leave them, so they will act first.

 

In the grand spectrum of relationship dynamics where both partners are mentally healthy and no abuse is visible, neither one is capable of "Falling out of love" as both have matured together and have shared experiences, even differences of political opinion and life goals and to a degree lack of sex will not come between these individuals as their mature approach to life tends to make them communicate and resolve any differences.

 

The unhealthy immature mind however, perceives differences of opinions, life goals, lack of sex, arguments and whatever else they can project as validation that things "aren't right" or there is "someone better". The next line one typically hears is "I love you but not in love with you" (this is the hallmark of borderline pathology) and displays beautifully the splitting black or white perceptions they have as they cannot interpret what love is since its so fleeting to them with their lack of object consistency.

 

Well I have a news flash for all you people who have GIS, man (and woman) was created equal. Leaving one partner for another is crazy. There is only so much novelty bigger boobs or A bigger manhood, more money or whatever attracts you to the new person can provide. After the honeymoon of enjoying such your back at square one, unhappy again and more GIG (i.e. return to old ex.....if they will have you). What have you got to show for it?........A string of shattered lives, unfulfilled dreams, financial ruin, lost friendships, heartache and despair for the person you supposedly once loved!........ Doomed to continue to repeat the same behaviors and expect a different outcome, that is true craziness.

 

Whats more worrying though is the people committing to NC with these people in an effort to re-establish a relationship, they need to seriously look at what made them so weak mentally to fall for someone who is so emotionally immature! Also its quite disturbing on how many emotionally immature people are on these boards........I seen another thread there that had the name " I dumped him as a Christmas present LOL" I was near sick reading the title as it has Cluster-B written all over it!. It shows that there are people who have no capacity for logical thinking and devalue people so cruelly. But karma will get her in the end !

 

Mentally unhealthy people don't fall out of love.............they fall out of reality !

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