"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[Kehv]

I loved this guy since I was 15. Although I dated some guys, he was my first serious relationship. I was the happiest when we started to date after 5 years of being friends and me secretly loving him and then 4 years of us. That's a long time and for him to act this way, it's like I never knew this guy at all. Like a complete stranger.

 

My emotional side wants him back but the rational part knows it's never going to work out between us anymore. It just hurts that I'm the only one who's still hung up on him while he's happily and easily moving on with his life.

 

I know I shouldn't but I keep looking for some sign, any sign at all that I at least mattered. Or maybe it's just my bruised ego.

 

My fear is that because I loved him for a long time and so hung up on him is that i wouldn't be able to get over him.

 

It's his birthday next Sunday, and I feel like reaching out by using another number but probably wont do me any good.

 

Thanks for the explanation on the acting cold part. I still remember the day he broke up with me so vividly. He had a poker face and all his responses were so cold and wouldn't even look at m the in the eyes when I was talking to him

 

There's no question about it: YOU MATTERED TO HIM. Don't make yourself think otherwise. Is he acting like a total D***? Yes he Is but that doesn't mean you didn't matter.

 

Listen, I'm sure you are a nice girl/woman, right? There is NO WAY he will just forget about you! You know how I know? Because you put up with him for 4 years! I'm pretty sure you would've noticed if he's a heartless idiot by nature, right?

 

It could be he grew up and just didn't want to be in a relationship with you but that doesn't mean he should treat you like that.

 

Whatever you do, don't reach out to him on his birthday , in fact don't reach out to him at all. I did reach out to my ex on her birhday (well to be fair she congratulated me 15 days before hers) and it didn't help anything it would only hurt you more. Besides, this guy doesn't want any contact with you and he doesn't deserve to be congratulated!

[Kehv]

My ex's whole reason for leaving me was because she wants to make sure she's not missing out on anything because we were together since she's 15. I can only hope that she feels something for me still like you feel for your ex. I wish you the best.

 

Yeah a lot of it has to do with their age aswell. My ex was 16, never had someone else, never really had the single life. Perhaps she just outgrew me I don't know...

[LockdownNYC]

It's amazing and sad that we sometimes end up with people who doesn't share our same ideals and beliefs in love. We both had almost the same breakup date right? If you need someone to talk to, you can personally send me a message. I wish you the best too and hope you reach the point of indifference soon

 

My ex birthday was Sunday actually. I did send her a Text saying that I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday. All she did was thank me. Yea I think it was the same break up date or close enough. She shared the same ideas and beliefs in love with me. The weekend before we were talking about how great we are together and how glad we are to have each other. Talked about marriage and children's names, and then poof!!! 3 days left she wasn't sure anymore. I know she's going to learn that she made a big mistake doing this. I've only been with/dated two other girls, the first ex cheated on me(I wasn't aware at the time) and left me, gave me some poor excuse. The guy wound up hitting her a bunch of times and she came back months later saying she's sorry and she was wrong to do all this, but she cheated and not just once, that's unforgivable to me. The second girl lied to me about her age, told me she was 17 when she really was 14, so I walked away from that before anything happened. And again she came to me when she was of age and told me how sorry she was and she would like to try to be with me again but I already with my current ex. I feel like they all come back once they wake up, but is something like this unforgivable? I'm not sure. How could I trust that this won't happen to me again?

[Kehv]

My ex birthday was Sunday actually. I did send her a Text saying that I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday. All she did was thank me. Yea I think it was the same break up date or close enough. She shared the same ideas and beliefs in love with me. The weekend before we were talking about how great we are together and how glad we are to have each other. Talked about marriage and children's names, and then poof!!! 3 days left she wasn't sure anymore. I know she's going to learn that she made a big mistake doing this. I've only been with/dated two other girls, the first ex cheated on me(I wasn't aware at the time) and left me, gave me some poor excuse. The guy wound up hitting her a bunch of times and she came back months later saying she's sorry and she was wrong to do all this, but she cheated and not just once, that's unforgivable to me. The second girl lied to me about her age, told me she was 17 when she really was 14, so I walked away from that before anything happened. And again she came to me when she was of age and told me how sorry she was and she would like to try to be with me again but I already with my current ex. I feel like they all come back once they wake up, but is something like this unforgivable? I'm not sure. How could I trust that this won't happen to me again?

 

Yeah like I said, many of the story's here are pretty much the same. What I do not know is if they were 'toying' with us when they were talking about marriage and children or if they were sincere.

 

The only thing I can tell you is that I did have a 'weak' moment myself 3,5 years ago. Me and my ex were together for 3 years and we started to struggle a bit. When this happened a colleague of mine started to flirt with me and somehow I started to like her, even getting butterflies. After like 2 months I figured out this new girl wasn't really into me but just liked to play with my mind. I then cut off all contact with this girl and this gave the relationship with my gf a new boost, well at least for 3 years... Mind you, I never physically cheated on my gf but I did emotionally. However, I don't know what I would've done if this new girl was sincere about loving me... even though I knew what I was doing was wrong, there was this urge to explore the unknown for this girl could be better than my current gf. I acted really cold towards my gf and she had her suspicions about this new girl.

 

So yeah, I would probably have explored what this new girl had to offer, it doesn't make me a bad guy. It just means if your relationship is struggling a little bit due to unemployment or little fights and one of the two find a decent new partner, they will most likely dump you for this new one. All I know is I was glad I never really got into a relationship with this new girl since my gf (now ex) is much, much better. Ofcourse, I don't know.... perhaps my ex did find a guy better suited to her.... time will tell.

 

Most of the time an Ex seems to get back once you are over them. There's some kind of energy they kinda 'feel' it when you are moving on, just like when my ex was having a date with this other guy, I knew something was wrong.

[LockdownNYC]

Yeah like I said, many of the story's here are pretty much the same. What I do not know is if they were 'toying' with us when they were talking about marriage and children or if they were sincere.

 

The only thing I can tell you is that I did have a 'weak' moment myself 3,5 years ago. Me and my ex were together for 3 years and we started to struggle a bit. When this happened a colleague of mine started to flirt with me and somehow I started to like her, even getting butterflies. After like 2 months I figured out this new girl wasn't really into me but just liked to play with my mind. I then cut off all contact with this girl and this gave the relationship with my gf a new boost, well at least for 3 years... Mind you, I never physically cheated on my gf but I did emotionally. However, I don't know what I would've done if this new girl was sincere about loving me... even though I knew what I was doing was wrong, there was this urge to explore the unknown for this girl could be better than my current gf. I acted really cold towards my gf and she had her suspicions about this new girl.

 

So yeah, I would probably have explored what this new girl had to offer, it doesn't make me a bad guy. It just means if your relationship is struggling a little bit due to unemployment or little fights and one of the two find a decent new partner, they will most likely dump you for this new one. All I know is I was glad I never really got into a relationship with this new girl since my gf (now ex) is much, much better. Ofcourse, I don't know.... perhaps my ex did find a guy better suited to her.... time will tell.

 

Most of the time an Ex seems to get back once you are over them. There's some kind of energy they kinda 'feel' it when you are moving on, just like when my ex was having a date with this other guy, I knew something was wrong.

 

My ex is talking to a coworker, a married man who "is having issues". Who knows if he really is or not, who knows how far it's gone. He definitely isn't better than me, he's a sleezeball. I can smell it all over him, he just knows how to talk and say what women want to hear. I had a similar experience. You see, I'm into cars and racing. I'm part of a Team in NYC. A friend of mine died over a year ago and his gf wanted to keep his racing numbers. We were one number apart since we started at the same time, so she didn't know how to renew his numbers and asked me how since I renewed mine. After I told her how, she messaged me a bunch of times because she was sad about him dying. She's a beautiful girl but I would never act on it because, one, it's my dead friends girlfriend and two, I had a long relationship that I was happy with. I can't say I didn't have a little bit of a crush on her because it's a pretty girl looking for my attention. I never spoke to my ex about it because I didn't feel it was necessary and my phone went off one day at her house. She wasn't thrilled but I told her that she could read everything because there's nothing to hide, which is the truth. I would also never cheat because I got heartbroken that way once before and couldn't do that to anyone else. When she broke up with me, I was texting my ex and another friend and mixed up the texts and she automatically assumed I was taking to my friends girlfriend. She said she didn't care but she wanted to know if it was her that I was messaging lol. I think she's now rebounding with this work guy, she's gonna get sick of him fast being she sees him all the time and then she'll see his true colors. Funnier thing is when he first got married in May he had a bachelor party and she overheard him bragging about sleeping with a stripper and going to a happy ending massage place. I wonder if she even remembers that to be honest. She doesn't remember certain things all the time but I'm the type who has an extremely good memory, especially with particular things.

[Kehv]

My ex is talking to a coworker, a married man who "is having issues". Who knows if he really is or not, who knows how far it's gone. He definitely isn't better than me, he's a sleezeball. I can smell it all over him, he just knows how to talk and say what women want to hear. I had a similar experience. You see, I'm into cars and racing. I'm part of a Team in NYC. A friend of mine died over a year ago and his gf wanted to keep his racing numbers. We were one number apart since we started at the same time, so she didn't know how to renew his numbers and asked me how since I renewed mine. After I told her how, she messaged me a bunch of times because she was sad about him dying. She's a beautiful girl but I would never act on it because, one, it's my dead friends girlfriend and two, I had a long relationship that I was happy with. I can't say I didn't have a little bit of a crush on her because it's a pretty girl looking for my attention. I never spoke to my ex about it because I didn't feel it was necessary and my phone went off one day at her house. She wasn't thrilled but I told her that she could read everything because there's nothing to hide, which is the truth. I would also never cheat because I got heartbroken that way once before and couldn't do that to anyone else. When she broke up with me, I was texting my ex and another friend and mixed up the texts and she automatically assumed I was taking to my friends girlfriend. She said she didn't care but she wanted to know if it was her that I was messaging lol. I think she's now rebounding with this work guy, she's gonna get sick of him fast being she sees him all the time and then she'll see his true colors. Funnier thing is when he first got married in May he had a bachelor party and she overheard him bragging about sleeping with a stripper and going to a happy ending massage place. I wonder if she even remembers that to be honest. She doesn't remember certain things all the time but I'm the type who has an extremely good memory, especially with particular things.

 

Yeah sure sounds like they will end things soon but you never know ofcourse. There are quite a few 'rebound relationships' that did work. My aunt basically 'stole' my (now) uncle when he was married and on a holiday with his wife, My other uncle left my aunt for another woman and as far as I know they are still together (although he did secretly kept visitting my aunt for 9 years), A friend of mine is now married to a girl who was having troubles with her bf, she tried to fix things first before getting with this friend of mine though. SOoo yeah they are basically all rebounds I suppose....

 

I also can't think of someone who got back with their ex after a long time but often the dumpee simply doesn't want to anymore.

 

A friend of mine also got dumped similarly to how we got dumped. The girl got attention from other guys in the office and she dumped my friend. When my friend was starting to move on, she contacted him again but my friend didn't want to her anymore. She kept doing this up untill 4 years after he got dumped and when he had a new girlfriend. She even managed to find his work e-mail (He blocked her on every known media) and mailed him.

 

So yeah I guess they often do try to get back but only when their new relationship starts to show some cracks.

[LockdownNYC]

Yeah sure sounds like they will end things soon but you never know ofcourse. There are quite a few 'rebound relationships' that did work. My aunt basically 'stole' my (now) uncle when he was married and on a holiday with his wife, My other uncle left my aunt for another woman and as far as I know they are still together (although he did secretly kept visitting my aunt for 9 years), A friend of mine is now married to a girl who was having troubles with her bf, she tried to fix things first before getting with this friend of mine though. SOoo yeah they are basically all rebounds I suppose....

 

I also can't think of someone who got back with their ex after a long time but often the dumpee simply doesn't want to anymore.

 

A friend of mine also got dumped similarly to how we got dumped. The girl got attention from other guys in the office and she dumped my friend. When my friend was starting to move on, she contacted him again but my friend didn't want to her anymore. She kept doing this up untill 4 years after he got dumped and when he had a new girlfriend. She even managed to find his work e-mail (He blocked her on every known media) and mailed him.

 

So yeah I guess they often do try to get back but only when their new relationship starts to show some cracks.

 

I thought of that too, about it working out for them. Because she broke up with me and her coworker with his marriage issues. She might think "it's meant to be". Who's knows, I know he's a sleezeball and once he's fully free if he gets divorced, it'll go down hill for her because he'll cheat and do what he wants and she'll get hurt. Sounds stupid but I kinda want to see her get hurt, the way I was hurt.

[Snix0805]

What is it with coworkers? I once asked my ex what if I started working in his company? Seeing me everyday, having lunch at the same time. He said he didn't like the idea because we would get tired of seeing each other and here he goes together with his coworker. They both have a lot in common so as much as people say that rebounds don't work, it might for them.

 

My ex emotionally cheated on me too. And I would like to think, he is really a cheater since this has happened twice lready in our relationship. Everytime we had some issues in our relationship, he would run off to find another woman. The first one he cheated on me with was also his coworker though that didn't work out since the girl had s boyfriend. When I asked why he cheated, he would always say that this girl was happier to talk to or how our relationship is not the same anymore. Well, honeymoon periods wear off and when it does, your relationship is put to the test.

 

I believe in fixing things. Why run off and find someone else when things aren't working out? Or when the other is having problems? You're a team, you're supposed to work it out. When he was unemployed and I was on the receiving end of all his frustrations at jobhunting, it hasn't crossed my mind to look for another guy because I was getting tired him. I lovingly and patiently stayed with him.

 

I remember the quote "love me when I least deserve it, because it is when I need it the most"

Now that I'm the one struggling with unemployment and depression, he left me at a time when I needed him the most and put me in the dark even more.

 

I have nightmares every night, the most decent amount of sleep I could get is about 2 hours, my anxiety is getting worse, lost my appetite and weight and just going through day to day.

 

How could it be so easy for this guy to forget about me and move on with his life like I never even existed

[LockdownNYC]

What is it with coworkers? I once asked my ex what if I started working in his company? Seeing me everyday, having lunch at the same time. He said he didn't like the idea because we would get tired of seeing each other and here he goes together with his coworker. They both have a lot in common so as much as people say that rebounds don't work, it might for them.

 

My ex emotionally cheated on me too. And I would like to think, he is really a cheater since this has happened twice lready in our relationship. Everytime we had some issues in our relationship, he would run off to find another woman. The first one he cheated on me with was also his coworker though that didn't work out since the girl had s boyfriend. When I asked why he cheated, he would always say that this girl was happier to talk to or how our relationship is not the same anymore. Well, honeymoon periods wear off and when it does, your relationship is put to the test.

 

I believe in fixing things. Why run off and find someone else when things aren't working out? Or when the other is having problems? You're a team, you're supposed to work it out. When he was unemployed and I was on the receiving end of all his frustrations at jobhunting, it hasn't crossed my mind to look for another guy because I was getting tired him. I lovingly and patiently stayed with him.

 

I remember the quote "love me when I least deserve it, because it is when I need it the most"

Now that I'm the one struggling with unemployment and depression, he left me at a time when I needed him the most and put me in the dark even more.

 

I have nightmares every night, the most decent amount of sleep I could get is about 2 hours, my anxiety is getting worse, lost my appetite and weight and just going through day to day.

 

How could it be so easy for this guy to forget about me and move on with his life like I never even existed

 

Funny you mention that, because I remember her saying they were hiring at one point too and I jokingly said that I should quit my job and work there, so she can get driven to work everyday and she jokingly agreed but said "wouldn't we get sick of each other?" I feel the same way, how can she forget about me while I sit her and think about what she's doing all the time. I know I pop into her head every now and then because I'm post often on Instagram and she likes one of my pictures at least once a week, but it's like why do you bother doing that double click, if you aren't going to bother with me? I believe in fixing things as well, the only flaw I really had was complaining when she hung out with work people later than she did with me. I dated her since she was 15, she's now 24, so I had to respect the rules of her parents for a long time. Like having her home by a certain time and such. Her hanging out without me was very new to me, if I was given the chance I could've eventually gotten over it, and changed. She claimed "we are not meant to be together and she shouldn't have tried to change me with complaining about that and that people don't change." People don't change??? Apparently they do because I don't even know who she really is anymore

[Kehv]

What is it with coworkers? I once asked my ex what if I started working in his company? Seeing me everyday, having lunch at the same time. He said he didn't like the idea because we would get tired of seeing each other and here he goes together with his coworker. They both have a lot in common so as much as people say that rebounds don't work, it might for them.

 

My ex emotionally cheated on me too. And I would like to think, he is really a cheater since this has happened twice lready in our relationship. Everytime we had some issues in our relationship, he would run off to find another woman. The first one he cheated on me with was also his coworker though that didn't work out since the girl had s boyfriend. When I asked why he cheated, he would always say that this girl was happier to talk to or how our relationship is not the same anymore. Well, honeymoon periods wear off and when it does, your relationship is put to the test.

 

I believe in fixing things. Why run off and find someone else when things aren't working out? Or when the other is having problems? You're a team, you're supposed to work it out. When he was unemployed and I was on the receiving end of all his frustrations at jobhunting, it hasn't crossed my mind to look for another guy because I was getting tired him. I lovingly and patiently stayed with him.

 

I remember the quote "love me when I least deserve it, because it is when I need it the most"

Now that I'm the one struggling with unemployment and depression, he left me at a time when I needed him the most and put me in the dark even more.

 

I have nightmares every night, the most decent amount of sleep I could get is about 2 hours, my anxiety is getting worse, lost my appetite and weight and just going through day to day.

 

How could it be so easy for this guy to forget about me and move on with his life like I never even existed

 

That's the whole point, it shouldn't be easy for him to just leave you and move on with someone else. Right now, the other girl is taking your place so he doesn't miss you but don't be surprised if comes crashing down soon. You are right, seeing someone at work every day is probably not a good thing in most cases. The problem with my ex was that she was an intern in that company so she doesn't really work there anymore...

 

I have no idea how long the honeymoon period could last but I believe it could be years. I think it also depends how much they are seeing eachother and how fast they move in their relationship. The dumper is almost always trying to rush this new relationship to the level you were in. So for example: If you were engaged, there's a high chance the dumper will get engaged soon to this new partner aswell.

Like my ex, she just continued our relationship with another person! Having sex, going on holidays and she's probably spending time with him daily, but in my opinion this is a good thing because that means they probably won't last.

 

What they say before and after they dump you are often completely different things. A few examples:

Before breakup my ex was laying with her head on my chest saying "It feels sooo comfortable and safe with you". After breakup she said it was "A Habit" ....

Before breakup my ex loved it when I made sure she was home safely. After breakup she said I was too controlling and checking up on her...

 

She basically changed every 'positive' thing into a negative thing.

[Kehv]

Funny you mention that, because I remember her saying they were hiring at one point too and I jokingly said that I should quit my job and work there, so she can get driven to work everyday and she jokingly agreed but said "wouldn't we get sick of each other?" I feel the same way, how can she forget about me while I sit her and think about what she's doing all the time. I know I pop into her head every now and then because I'm post often on Instagram and she likes one of my pictures at least once a week, but it's like why do you bother doing that double click, if you aren't going to bother with me? I believe in fixing things as well, the only flaw I really had was complaining when she hung out with work people later than she did with me. I dated her since she was 15, she's now 24, so I had to respect the rules of her parents for a long time. Like having her home by a certain time and such. Her hanging out without me was very new to me, if I was given the chance I could've eventually gotten over it, and changed. She claimed "we are not meant to be together and she shouldn't have tried to change me with complaining about that and that people don't change." People don't change??? Apparently they do because I don't even know who she really is anymore

 

Yeah same bull my ex used to say "people don't change" bla bla bla. The thing is, she wanted you to be something you are not. I respected my ex the way she was, she wasn't a model with big breasts or something, I just loved her the way she was and I thought she felt the same thing about me but apparently not.

[LockdownNYC]

Yeah same bull my ex used to say "people don't change" bla bla bla. The thing is, she wanted you to be something you are not. I respected my ex the way she was, she wasn't a model with big breasts or something, I just loved her the way she was and I thought she felt the same thing about me but apparently not.

 

True she wanted me to be something I'm not but it wasn't necessarily a bad thin for me to change from being jealous about things. I wouldn't say it was wrong or her to want me to change that part of me. She didn't care what I would do without her. She'd like to know when I was going to be home though. But your right, I loved my ex for the way she was too.

[Snix0805]

Kehv You're right about how what they say usually change. Back in September when I realized I wasn't being fair to him by dumping all my problems on him, I asked for space to fix myself, he begged and cried and told me he could tolerate everything I threw him. Then during the breakup, he told me that he was tired of that and needed space away from me.

Another one was like your example, I was told I was too controlling and that it felt like being choked whereas before the breakup he was the one who would get worried when I didn't check up on him.

 

I also think you are right when you said he thinks I was trying to get some attention in the situation I mentioned earlier. I never asked my friends to call him but they were very panicky and couldn't think straight. I would be too if I was in their position. My friends got so angry at him for the way he acted that they never told him whether it was real or not. I left it at that and never posted on facebook or anything about it. Haven't gone on facebook as well for a month now, only messenger. Earlier, I just got a message from one of his coworker who is or was a good "friend" . "Hi Areej, how are you? I heard about the scam and hope you are alright. Listen . Whatever the reason for this happening, I hope it won't lead to something else. You should know that people who truly care and love you will still be there for you even if there are no unfortunate circumstances involved. I hope you let people care and love you naturally instead of trying to get everybody's attention." If I were to read behind the words, it seems that I made up the whole scam thing and that I used it to get my ex's attention. His ego must be so full of it right now.

 

Can't believe how different this person is. Complete 180 deg.. To think I knew this guy for almost 10years

 

Lockdown you should block her on Instagram so you don't get anymore updates from her. Yeah, it's been 3 months and s*** still keeps happening to me like the one I mentioned fo Kehv. While everything is going nicely for him and his new girl.

[Kehv]

I wish I had more information for you guys but I never really been the dumper. In the short period I kinda had this crush on a colleague I did act cold towards my gf, I simply did not really care about my gf. I cared about what people might think if I dumped her for someone else but I did not really care about my gf. When I came back to my sense I realised I made a huge mistake because my gf was the one I loved..... but what if this other girl really liked me and we got into a relationship? I only realised my mistake when I figured out this new girl didn't really like me so what I think is that as long as things go great with their new partner they won't really miss you. They might think about you sometimes but they don't miss you.

 

Sabotaging their new relationship will have to opposite effect I think so don't do that. I'm sure I could've done that but I didn't since my ex already cheated on her new guy....... with me...... (yeah dumb I know).'

 

The only advice I can give you is this: Try to live your life as you did before and think "I Either get him/her back or someone better" , there's nothing you can do at the moment, consider your relationship dead (you can only start a new relationship with your ex anyways, not revive the old one), Be positive as much as you can (If you stay negative, more negative finds it way towards you and you just stay in the vicious circle like me).

[LockdownNYC]

Going back to doing what I did before that is impossible. I was young, somewhat just outta high school and two months from being cheated on from my previous ex. She brought me back to life really. I met her shortly after my previous relationship, and no I'm not scared to be alone so it's nothing like that. I acknowledge that the relationship with her is now dead. If something else happened with her again, it would be starting a new relationship. And I don't block her from Instagram because I want to burn a spot in the back of her mind. She's not much of a poster and I haven't liked anything she did. But she likes mine. I don't post anything sad, it's really all upbeat stuff.

[Kehv]

Going back to doing what I did before that is impossible. I was young, somewhat just outta high school and two months from being cheated on from my previous ex. She brought me back to life really. I met her shortly after my previous relationship, and no I'm not scared to be alone so it's nothing like that. I acknowledge that the relationship with her is now dead. If something else happened with her again, it would be starting a new relationship. And I don't block her from Instagram because I want to burn a spot in the back of her mind. She's not much of a poster and I haven't liked anything she did. But she likes mine. I don't post anything sad, it's really all upbeat stuff.

 

OK I kinda meant doing what you did before the breakup. Obviously, you can't do the things you used to do with her but all the other stuff you did when you were alone. Also, you could try to do new stuff pick up new hobby's etc.

 

The reason why you should block or stay away from Instagram is obvious unless you either don't care about her anymore, which you do (since you are still posting here) or you like pain. At one point she will be posting pictures she's happy or even worse with her new guy. Those pictures do not always tell the truth, it could also be a camouflage for how she's really feeling but it certainly won't make you feel any better.

 

I've not yet seen any pictures of my ex with him untill now although I'm pretty sure they exist.

[LockdownNYC]

OK I kinda meant doing what you did before the breakup. Obviously, you can't do the things you used to do with her but all the other stuff you did when you were alone. Also, you could try to do new stuff pick up new hobby's etc.

 

The reason why you should block or stay away from Instagram is obvious unless you either don't care about her anymore, which you do (since you are still posting here) or you like pain. At one point she will be posting pictures she's happy or even worse with her new guy. Those pictures do not always tell the truth, it could also be a camouflage for how she's really feeling but it certainly won't make you feel any better.

 

I've not yet seen any pictures of my ex with him untill now although I'm pretty sure they exist.

 

You do have a very good point. It may damage me seeing that, I'm almost sure that pictures of her and this guy don't exist. I'm still really banking on that his divorce is fake and he's trying to get somewhere with her. Because if they existed they would've already been up. If they do exist, he could be telling her not to post them because there is a lot of mutual friends who know me, my ex, this guy and his wife, and he's probably scared it'll get back to his wife. And if they did get back to his wife, he would have a lot of lose. I'm not saying I would do it, but I know a few people who would that know all the parties in this.

[Lost123]

I stumbled across this thread whilst trying to understand what's going on. The story:

 

- Been together 7 years, he is approaching 30.

- Our relationship was very healthy, we were really happy.

- No signs that he was unhappy (in fact just a few days before he was talking about what we'd call our children).

 

Out of the blue he says to me he doesn't think he can do this anymore. His reasons are really vague and don't really make sense. He says he loves me, I am the best thing that's ever happened to him, he can't bear to break up with me. He says he wants a future with me, but he can't have one?!? He's crying his eyes out (he NEVER cries). When I question him further on this, he doesn't seem to really have an answer, he keeps saying 'I don't know'. He seems to be throwing away 7 years and so many happy memories for no particular reason. He basically did all the things described on the OP. He doesn't seem to understand how emotions change in a relationship over time and he has assumed this to mean there's no future. He's not really coping either, he's not looking after himself. But he seems to be adamant this is what he wants. His family are completely shocked by it too, they have told me they haven't got a clue what he's playing at. I don't believe there is anyone else, he is a terrible liar and he seemed truthful when he said there was no one else.

 

My question is, is this something that happens a lot to men at this age? Is this a sort of GIG for men? What do you guys think of this situation?

 

I'm completely blindsided by it.

[mhowe]

I stumbled across this thread whilst trying to understand what's going on. The story:

 

- Been together 7 years, he is approaching 30.

- Our relationship was very healthy, we were really happy.

- No signs that he was unhappy (in fact just a few days before he was talking about what we'd call our children).

 

Out of the blue he says to me he doesn't think he can do this anymore. His reasons are really vague and don't really make sense. He says he loves me, I am the best thing that's ever happened to him, he can't bear to break up with me. He says he wants a future with me, but he can't have one?!? He's crying his eyes out (he NEVER cries). When I question him further on this, he doesn't seem to really have an answer, he keeps saying 'I don't know'. He seems to be throwing away 7 years and so many happy memories for no particular reason. He basically did all the things described on the OP. He doesn't seem to understand how emotions change in a relationship over time and he has assumed this to mean there's no future. He's not really coping either, he's not looking after himself. But he seems to be adamant this is what he wants. His family are completely shocked by it too, they have told me they haven't got a clue what he's playing at. I don't believe there is anyone else, he is a terrible liar and he seemed truthful when he said there was no one else.

 

My question is, is this something that happens a lot to men at this age? Is this a sort of GIG for men? What do you guys think of this situation?

 

I'm completely blindsided by it.

 

You will get more responses if you start your own thread ---

 

Whether it is GIGS, or a guy who the reality of "a future" just hit him in the gut --- at age 30 he isn't ready to commit to YOU. You've been together during all of the years that many folks are single and exploring. It doesn't happen to just men, women can feel this way too. It is more likely that the relationship has run its course and it is the only relationship he has ever really known and he simply isn't positive that "this is all there is".

[Kehv]

I stumbled across this thread whilst trying to understand what's going on. The story:

 

- Been together 7 years, he is approaching 30.

- Our relationship was very healthy, we were really happy.

- No signs that he was unhappy (in fact just a few days before he was talking about what we'd call our children).

 

Out of the blue he says to me he doesn't think he can do this anymore. His reasons are really vague and don't really make sense. He says he loves me, I am the best thing that's ever happened to him, he can't bear to break up with me. He says he wants a future with me, but he can't have one?!? He's crying his eyes out (he NEVER cries). When I question him further on this, he doesn't seem to really have an answer, he keeps saying 'I don't know'. He seems to be throwing away 7 years and so many happy memories for no particular reason. He basically did all the things described on the OP. He doesn't seem to understand how emotions change in a relationship over time and he has assumed this to mean there's no future. He's not really coping either, he's not looking after himself. But he seems to be adamant this is what he wants. His family are completely shocked by it too, they have told me they haven't got a clue what he's playing at. I don't believe there is anyone else, he is a terrible liar and he seemed truthful when he said there was no one else.

 

My question is, is this something that happens a lot to men at this age? Is this a sort of GIG for men? What do you guys think of this situation?

 

I'm completely blindsided by it.

 

It indeed looks like he simply did not want to settle yet and wants to see what else is out there. Even if your relationship was great, some people just have the feeling they can do better or think "is this it?".

 

The way you described your story it doesn't look like there's anyone else however it doesn't hurt to prepare in case there IS someone else. Did he act strange a few days before he dumped you?

 

My ex secretly dated someone else and decided to chase him but when my ex dumped me she also cried and told me there was no one else. Again, I'm not saying there is someone else, just keep it in the back of your mind.

[LockdownNYC]

I stumbled across this thread whilst trying to understand what's going on. The story:

 

- Been together 7 years, he is approaching 30.

- Our relationship was very healthy, we were really happy.

- No signs that he was unhappy (in fact just a few days before he was talking about what we'd call our children).

 

Out of the blue he says to me he doesn't think he can do this anymore. His reasons are really vague and don't really make sense. He says he loves me, I am the best thing that's ever happened to him, he can't bear to break up with me. He says he wants a future with me, but he can't have one?!? He's crying his eyes out (he NEVER cries). When I question him further on this, he doesn't seem to really have an answer, he keeps saying 'I don't know'. He seems to be throwing away 7 years and so many happy memories for no particular reason. He basically did all the things described on the OP. He doesn't seem to understand how emotions change in a relationship over time and he has assumed this to mean there's no future. He's not really coping either, he's not looking after himself. But he seems to be adamant this is what he wants. His family are completely shocked by it too, they have told me they haven't got a clue what he's playing at. I don't believe there is anyone else, he is a terrible liar and he seemed truthful when he said there was no one else.

 

My question is, is this something that happens a lot to men at this age? Is this a sort of GIG for men? What do you guys think of this situation?

 

I'm completely blindsided by it.

 

Similar situation with me. My exgirlfriend cried and she said she felt like we'd be together again someday again. That changed quickly because she suddenly told me she had a crush on a coworker. Don't rule out about there not being another person. Save yourself the pain. It's almost 3 months for me already and I can't help but question so many things. She said there wasn't anyone else, that she just wanted to try being single for a while and two weeks later she had her eyes on some low-life.

[Kehv]

Similar situation with me. My exgirlfriend cried and she said she felt like we'd be together again someday again. That changed quickly because she suddenly told me she had a crush on a coworker. Don't rule out about there not being another person. Save yourself the pain. It's almost 3 months for me already and I can't help but question so many things. She said there wasn't anyone else, that she just wanted to try being single for a while and two weeks later she had her eyes on some low-life.

 

I don't want to crush your feelings but in most cases that other guy is already in the picture. Doesn't mean they were already dating etc. but I do think she knew he was into her. Even if your ex was trustworthy before the breakup doesn't mean she can be trusted now, at least not towards you. After you've been dumped there's like a 95% (maybe more) chance they will lie to you.

 

Put yourself in your ex's shoes, it's hard to dump someone you've been with for 4-6-8 years... so they don't want to look bad and lie to you about the reasons but this only makes it worse.

 

One thing I'd like to add though: They say most ex's have already emotionally checked out for months before they eventually dumped you for someone else. In my case (I did not dump my gf but still..) I wasn't thinking about leaving my gf at all before I got a crush on that colleague. My ex did tell me she was already thinking about leaving me for months, perhaps that's true, It didn't look like she wanted to leave me but I can't look inside her head. Still, I can tell you it's not ALWAYS the case. In my case I almost wanted to dump my gf just so I could be with this other person. After I found out this other girl wasn't really that into me, I realised I trully loved my gf and not this new person.

For some of us that might be the case whenever your ex's new relationship fails.

 

You should be really careful though if they do decide to come back. Most new relationships with an ex fail quickly if you don't take the right steps and even if you do there's still a big chance.

You should first determine why your ex's rebound relationship failed. Did it fail because your ex still loves you? You could give your ex another go if you are absolutely sure and don't rush things.

 

Did your ex rebound relationship fail because their new partner cheated or dumped them? Then it's probably best not to get involved since they are just looking for some attention and a shoulder to cry on.

[LockdownNYC]

I don't want to crush your feelings but in most cases that other guy is already in the picture. Doesn't mean they were already dating etc. but I do think she knew he was into her. Even if your ex was trustworthy before the breakup doesn't mean she can be trusted now, at least not towards you. After you've been dumped there's like a 95% (maybe more) chance they will lie to you.

 

Put yourself in your ex's shoes, it's hard to dump someone you've been with for 4-6-8 years... so they don't want to look bad and lie to you about the reasons but this only makes it worse.

 

One thing I'd like to add though: They say most ex's have already emotionally checked out for months before they eventually dumped you for someone else. In my case (I did not dump my gf but still..) I wasn't thinking about leaving my gf at all before I got a crush on that colleague. My ex did tell me she was already thinking about leaving me for months, perhaps that's true, It didn't look like she wanted to leave me but I can't look inside her head. Still, I can tell you it's not ALWAYS the case. In my case I almost wanted to dump my gf just so I could be with this other person. After I found out this other girl wasn't really that into me, I realised I trully loved my gf and not this new person.

For some of us that might be the case whenever your ex's new relationship fails.

 

You should be really careful though if they do decide to come back. Most new relationships with an ex fail quickly if you don't take the right steps and even if you do there's still a big chance.

You should first determine why your ex's rebound relationship failed. Did it fail because your ex still loves you? You could give your ex another go if you are absolutely sure and don't rush things.

K

Did your ex rebound relationship fail because their new partner cheated or dumped them? Then it's probably best not to get involved since they are just looking for some attention and a shoulder to cry on.

 

The other guy in the picture is her coworker, so I already think that she had her eyes set on him. He's married too, but she claimed that the marriage wasn't working. Who knows if she's lying or if he's lying or if it's true. She probably emotionally cheated on me with him, there's no doubt in my mind about that. Physically cheated I doubt because I dropped her off and picked her up from work everyday. But who knows. And you're right, no I don't trust her, I can't. She told me all sorts of things, like I'm the only one she thought about, that she wanted to be with me forever. That she wanted to go vacation in places with me in 2016. And most of these things were said 3 days before the break up. She definitely knew what she was doing. First she wanted a break to see if life with me is what she wanted and to see if she was missing out on a single life. How quickly that changed. I think she was trying to just let me down easily but either way I knew something wasn't right. When you know, you know.

[Lost123]

It indeed looks like he simply did not want to settle yet and wants to see what else is out there. Even if your relationship was great, some people just have the feeling they can do better or think "is this it?".

 

The way you described your story it doesn't look like there's anyone else however it doesn't hurt to prepare in case there IS someone else. Did he act strange a few days before he dumped you?

 

My ex secretly dated someone else and decided to chase him but when my ex dumped me she also cried and told me there was no one else. Again, I'm not saying there is someone else, just keep it in the back of your mind.

 

Hmmmm, maybe. But why completely unprovoked talk to me about 'when we have kids', 'when we get married', why talk about future plans as normal as if nothing was wrong?

 

I can't completely rule out someone else, but I really don't think there is. In a way it would almost make it better if there was as it would explain things.

[LockdownNYC]

Hmmmm, maybe. But why completely unprovoked talk to me about 'when we have kids', 'when we get married', why talk about future plans as normal as if nothing was wrong?

 

I can't completely rule out someone else, but I really don't think there is. In a way it would almost make it better if there was as it would explain things.

 

We posted at the same time. Check mine above. Same things were said to me just 3 days before the break up. I took her to work a couple weeks later, because I was off but had a work related thing to do near her job and I wanted to talk. I got out of her that she was hanging out with coworkers, mostly girls and this one guy. And that she hung out with the guy and he was telling her that he was having martial issues. So I asked if she had feelings for him and she told me yes. She told me it was just an innocent crush but from what I gathered they are hanging out even more now. Hes picking her up and dropping her off all the time now. My brothers friend lives two houses away and he told my brother because he thought we were together still. My brother just kept it from me because he didn't want me to be hurt or do something stupid. Whether your ex tells you the truth or not, just don't rule it out.