Delmo Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 So, a brief recap of where I am right now. My gf ended our year long relationship two weeks ago stating that she did not love me, never really did and could not see a future for the two of us. I accepted her decision without questioning, begging or pleading although this was belying my every emotion at the time. I initiated NC immediately and have not heard from her since although I will have to at some stage in some shape or form as she has some important documents of mine which I need back, although knowing her I'm sure they will arrive in the mail without a note or explanation. I have been in turmoil ever since. Here is "problem" I need help with. I attended my best friend's birthday party last night and did my very best to put on a brave face and enjoy myself without thinking of my ex, and to a certain extent I honestly believe I achieved this. At the party was one of the most attractive women I have ever laid eyes on. All the guys, including the married ones, and even the women were commenting on how stunning she was and how humble she was with it. We chatted briefly about nothing much but she was interesting, funny and seemed very down to earth. Anyhow, I have just been on the phone with my friend and it turns out that this stunning girl has called him and asked him to pass her number on to me! It has taken him 20 minutes to convince me that he is not joking around with me (I know he wouldn't anyway as we are bff) and if this had happened 13 months ago I would not be wasting my time looking for answers on this forum, I'd be on the phone to her right now. But it didn't, it happened yesterday, two weeks after my heart was broken and right in the middle of my grieving period. Indeed if this had happened in 2 or 3 months time in the future I'm sure it would be a no-brainer, but I can't call a girl 3 months after she gives me her number. I asked my friend to tell her that I wasn't ready for a relationship right now and to organize an event later in the year that he could invite us both to. He told me I'd be a fool to waste this chance and that the way my ex ended it (by text message whilst on holiday) and the things she said (never loving me) should be evidence enough that she was not the one for me. Deep down i know he is right but I still miss my ex and am not sure if it would be fair to go on a date so soon, but I also know I'll probably regret it if i don't. Arrrgh, this is torture ](*,). Any opinions on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutley Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'd call her. You'll beat yourself up later for not acting on it. Most dates never evolve into anything anyway...so you're not taking that much of a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wizard71 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Yes. You dont have to marry the girl. Go out and have some fun and see what happens. Fate may have stepped in and dealt you a royal flush. If you dont bet, you wont win. You will know if its not right. Yes i AM jealous lol. Wish i had a fitty after me! Good luck Buddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Go and enjoy yourself. If there's an attraction, just proceed slowly since your emotions are still raw. If nothing else, you got out and had a good time. Take care... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Something similar happened to me after my ex and I broke up. My friend said to me, "Guess who asked about you? ... Katie. The girl you met at the party. Don't tell her I told you because she told me not to tell, but she likes you." All I thought was "Me? She likes me? Holy smokes!" So, of course, I had to contact her. I got her email, we exchanged a few emails, then we decided to meet. We went on a few dates. Things were going amazingly, although I admit, I just couldn't stop thinking about my ex. And it was driving me crazy! I felt like she had poisoned the waters. If this beautiful, nice, engaging woman is interested in me, and all I can think about is her, then just how worthless am I? We went out for the last time, and we hit up this secluded little spot in this faraway, but trendy neighborhood. We made out in the dimly lit corner with huge smiles all over our faces. She was so into it, and my ego was soaring. But that was the problem in a nutshell. My ego was soaring? Me? I was a mess. I ended up saying to her, "Don't think you're getting lucky tonight because I don't sleep with anyone until the 13th date." She asked what date we were on, and I said 3. When we left, I didn't even bother to walk her to her apartment which was only 5 blocks away. I just hailed a cab, said "bye", and jumped in. Idiot! I ended up calling her to apologize the next day. She knew I wasn't ready. She didn't hold it against me. She's currently madly in love and living with her boyfriend. I just relay all this to say that there is no wrong answer. It's ok to have fun, but you're probably sadly mistaken if you imagine, even for a second, that this will spell the end of your grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodguy81 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 call her..you dont have to start a relationship right away...but get out there and meet people..you dont want to miss out on what seems to be a great opporunity either my prob is the opposite..i meet people but feel like im not attracted by anyone i have met yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mayday11 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I say go for it. You're probably afraid that this will be a 'rebound relationship' and honestly, that's pretty much exactly what it could potentially be. But, rebounds don't always end in failure, especially if they're taken slowly and you don't rush into things. The thing that leads to the death of a rebound relationship is not so much how soon it happens after the previous relationship, but how much you use it to get over your old relationship. People using a relationship to get over an ex tend to push things way to quickly, which leads to their demise. One month into the relationship, you're telling her how much you love her. The second month, you're going on vacations together. The third month, you're realizing you're doing all the same activities in this relationship as you did in your last. The fourth month, the incompatibilities that were previously hidden behind infatuation begin to show. The fifth month, you start to wonder "Why am I even with this person?", etc. (very loose time frame, just to illustrate the point, of course). Also, a lot of rebounds happen just because someone comes along who's available, friendly and interested. If those three things are present, then a lot of freshly broken up people will just jump right in. If you take the time to get to know her and take things steady and actually make sure this is someone you'd like to be in a relationship with (and are certain you're not just fooling yourself), then things can work out. Just stay casual for awhile, meeting up every now and then for dinner or spending the day together, don't smother each other and don't start the relationship off as if it's been going on for years. Don't use the relationship as a means to get over your ex. If you're taking things slowly with the new girl, you'll have plenty of "you time" still to reflect and grieve and help yourself move on. It's not an easy thing, because you'll run the very big risk that you'll just kid yourself into thinking she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. You'll be your own worst enemy and ultimately your own downfall here. So, if you can keep yourself in check and don't rush things, I don't see why it wouldn't work out. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delmo Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 Thanks guys, right now if I'm honest I really don't feel like calling her. I have a bit of breathing space tho as my friend just text me to say she is going away for a long weekend tomorrow (back on Tuesday). I hope I feel differently by then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutley Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Good, call her thursday!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mayday11 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Good, call her thursday!! Unless Thursday is his ex's name, then that'd be awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delmo Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 Unless Thursday is his ex's name, then that'd be awkward. Joker!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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