18 days NC and she sends me this

[sadcomposer]

For more on my story see this thread.

 

 

 

It has been about 18 days since my last contact with her. She never answered my last email where I refused her help concerning the psychiatrist. Last night she sent me an email. Her sister who has cancer is at her place for the weekend. My ex and I had given her an iPod so she could listen to her music during her treatments. Now, it seems that they tried to program it and ended up erasing all of the contents. She is asking for my help. I can't believe how inconsiderate she is. I don't want to help her, I don't want anything to do with her until she says the right words. Her having made a mistake etc.... willing to work on our relationship. I have decided to ignore her email but am wondering if I should just answer telling her I refuse and not to contact me. I was really going better at forgetting about her and moving on, now she throws this at me. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

[sadcomposer]

By the way thanks to Karmagedeon for suggesting I start a new thread. I'm really sad today. I tried my very best with this girl, more than with any other. I really feel that she needs to look at herself in the mirror. But NC is the only hope left, if any. Thanks again

[Whiskers]

From what I can see, you split over your smoking pot

The thing is, it was fair enough that she bought it up as an issue being that you were a couple and she obviously couldn't live with it, honesty is the only way to go.

However, if it was a dealbreaker then she clearly wasn't the one for you!

In this current matter however, you could do one of two things...not answer, because you will not get that apology (if it's about her asking you to stop smoking and giving you an ultimatum).

Or you could send a replying email stating that you want no further contact with her and the friends thing isn't going to be part of the deal.

You made your decision as she made hers. It's probably best not to reply at all.

[sadcomposer]

That thread is an old one. I quit smoking pot, she came back. Then it was the alcohol. She left me and came back 5 times. Everytime, I gave in to her demands. I was now down to having my one night a month to drink and be merry. She still left me. Then said she would only come back if I was totally abstinent and saw a psychiatrist. ( which I don't need) I have a female counselor for my addictions, and she is great. My ex did not like her, but that is now her problem. Please see this latest thread for more details.

 

 

 

I know lots of people will focus on my addictions, but it really has to do with her issues of control and selfishness. I have always done the best I could, with success, but it was never good enough for her.

[Whiskers]

She should have been supportive and understanding enough to know that it's not something that changes over night and there are setbacks. That it's not okay or acceptable to simply walk out when things hit a rocky patch.

I think it's important to try to kick these addictions but just as important for you to have a woman willing to encourage and not only too willing to run out when things don't go her way.

It's not helpful when she tugs at your feelings that way and it's not at all constructive for her to try and change things by handing out ultimatums.

However, it sounds a lot like she couldn't handle any of it and wanted to or believed that she could change it and make it better by putting the relationship on the line and hoping it was all it took.

I think your NC is probably the best way to go.

XXXX

Sorry if I appeared judgemental...not my usual way.

[sadcomposer]

Thanks Whiskers, I appreciate that. I think that that is what is making me so sad. She tought she could, held on for over 2 years and then gave up on us. What makes it hard as that I always kept on getting better and better. I guess that's my win and her loss. I was a really good boyfriend to her. She could be very selfish in a lot of other ways. I should of stayed away the first time, but I loved her then, and I still do. So NC and time will heal me, no doubt, but will it make her realize her mistake? My last step is acceptance, and it's very difficult. I must move on. Thanks

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Yeah, keep up with the NC brother.

[sadcomposer]

I'm really having second thoughts about ignoring her email. I really feel bad about her sister. But I don't understand how my ex could even have thought that I MIGHT help. It's so confusing. If she is trying to open a door, what a roundabout way of doing it. But I do feel guilty about ignoring it, and maybe that's what she is trying to do. I'm considering sending a short email saying "sorry I did not respond, I am not in a position to have contact with you right now." What do you think? Thanks

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I'm really having second thoughts about ignoring her email. I really feel bad about her sister. But I don't understand how my ex could even have thought that I MIGHT help. It's so confusing. If she is trying to open a door, what a roundabout way of doing it. But I do feel guilty about ignoring it, and maybe that's what she is trying to do. I'm considering sending a short email saying "sorry I did not respond, I am not in a position to have contact with you right now." What do you think? Thanks

 

Nope, don't do it. Don't give in. You'll regret it.

[wizard71]

Hmm you could just say that if you google your problem with ipod, you will find the answer.

Women assume men know everything about gadgets

Dont do anything that makes you feel bad or goes against what you are as a human being. If you dont want to answer then dont. I think its possible to respond if you call it NHC. No Hopeful Contact. Just take it at face value. Personally i would respond with my above message, but would ignore any further requests for help.

My 2 cents, wish it was a dollar.

[sadcomposer]

That's the problem. I am not in the NHC stage yet. So when in doubt, do nothing I guess. If she really wants to open a door, she will try again.

[sadcomposer]

I can't believe it. I just had a phone message. It's coming from my ex's house. A colleague of hers is there trying to help her with her iPod and he's asking for my help. How selfish can she be? I just have to ignore it. Never in the last 2 months has she asked how I was doing, it's always about her and her needs. I am so angry, who does she take me for and who does she think she is? This is not even for her sister's iPod, but for her own!!! And to have somebody else call?? I don't get it. I'm keeping my dignity and I am not answering.

[ruffles]

How selfish can she be? I just have to ignore it. Never in the last 2 months has she asked how I was doing, it's always about her and her needs.

 

Remind yourself of this over and over when you begin to second-guess yourself.

[sadcomposer]

I just don't get it. This girl is a nurse in psychiatry, you would think that she reflects a little before acting. Has she no soul? I don't know what to do.

[poloace]

... as an MD, i can tell you from experience - a number of people in the field of psychiatry are interchangeable with those for whom they provide care.

 

honestly... let her be. i've come to realize in a very harsh way that there's more than 'one' person out there for me. in one city there may be 20. in another, there may be 3. in another, possibly another 4. so... in the US - i'm guessing there's close to 1,000,000 women that might share true compatibility with me. we all want that which is familiar... but, maybe its better to let go - hurt for a bit... and find something better. it must be out there. if a relationship fails, often times... it does so because the relationship is a failing relationship. its not our fault - we just have to understand that not all couples get married. and, we should truly be thankful that one of the two parties involved takes notice of a true incompatibilty rather than allowing a doomed relationship to progress.

 

keep your head up, mate. if you're in montreal, i'll roll up and we can grab a brew! there's gotta be at least 1,000 betties in that great city that i would find 'compatible'

 

p

[sadcomposer]

Thanks guys,

 

Poloace, I am about an hour away from Montreal and have a sister who lives there, so I might just take you up on that. And yeah, you're right. She actually has been seeing a psychiatrist weekly for over 10 years and has been on anti-depressants for just as long. Guess it's not working. I just have to let go and I guess this kind of behaviour helps.

[poloace]

its ok for people to have some psych issues... i think we all fundamentally do to some very mild extent. but, you have to remember - this is someone that you'd consider starting a family with. i saw plenty of red flags in my relationship - generally obscured by her beauty and sincerity... but, if i were less physically attracted to her - i'd probably pay more attention to red flags which popped up early on.

 

haha - i LOVE montreal. i've had waaaaaay too many good times in that city.

[sadcomposer]

Well, I decided to be the bigger person. I burned a DVD with all her songs and her sister's and printed instructions on how to install them in her computer. All I will get otu of it is probably just a thanks you. But I can walk away knowing I did what was best. Just because she is selfish does not mean I have to be mean. I hope I did the right thing. If she wanted to open a door, she will have to find a new way. We'll see. Thanks

[sadcomposer]

I sent her an email saying her friend could pick up the DVD. She replied saying thank you and that she would not of insisted if it had not been for her sister. I know I did the right thing, but now I am so sad. Back to NC is my only option, but I miss her so much I just want to cry.

[sadcomposer]

Well, I have kept up NC and she has not tried to contact. I guess it's really over. Probably for the best, but it's very hard because I still feel this is the best relationship I have ever had. It's hard to accept that people just move on so easily.