How do I keep her from drifting away?

[justanotherhurtguy]

My girl and I have been dating for over a month now. We used to work together, but she got let go. We hang out every night and she used to be so excited to see me. I would get these cute texts from her all the time saying how much she missed me and that I should hurry to her when I got off of work.

 

Now she's been hanging out with her friend for almost 2 weeks now all the time since they both dont have jobs. Now they may be getting jobs at the same place together. We had a few arguments before about my worrying if she was cheating or if she had feelings for him. She said absolutely not and that she was with me and not him. I know he has feelings for her, strong ones and now I feel she is slowly pulling away from me.

 

I hardly get texts or calls anymore, any time I try to plan something, they already did it before so it seems repetitive. If I text her it takes up to 20 min for her to respond and she has her phone on her ALL the time. Whenever I'm with her and she gets a text she responds to whoever (mostly him)immediately. She says that she loves me etc. and occasionally shows affection for me. But it just doesn't feel the same. It's almost as if she's doing it to ease my worrying. They even go out to eat with her parents, something I still haven't done yet.

 

I just can't keep taking vacation days, I'm not a huge text'er (like they both are), I don't IM (like they do), and I can't be with her a lot now since I work long hours. I just don't have the money to go to all these places, I don't even know where their money is going since they don't have jobs. The passed two days I've tried to be intimate with her and she said she was "too tired" or she didn't want to take a chance on waking her parents. (this never stopped her before).

 

I don't know what to do. I've started just going to the gym in the evening instead of going out with her right away. She's usually with him when I go out to see her. Maybe in my absense she'll come around again. I'm lost. I just don't feel the excitment in seeing her anymore because of this.

 

Yes I've been cheated on by ex's 3 times in the past, and all 3 times it was with one of their "guy-friends". I've tried so hard to look passed this, but this situation is so similar to my last 3.

 

I don't know what to do... :sad:

[greensleeves]

Honestly...it doesn't sound good. I'm not saying she's cheating, but it does seem that she's losing interest in the relationship...she might be stringing you along a bit while waiting to see if things work out with this other guy. I think you're doing the right thing by going to the gym every night instead of waiting around for her...I'd distance myself from her and find other things to do.

[justanotherhurtguy]

...she might be stringing you along a bit while waiting to see if things work out with this other guy.

 

 

The thing is, before we started dating and were friends I asked why she didn't date him. She said she kissed him in the past, but that was it. I always questioned, why not go out with him, why me? She seemed to have more fun with him and he worships her. But she said she loved me and wanted to be with me.... Ok.

 

She had so many chances before to be with him, so what the heck is she doing with me now? Is it because I'm older and responsible? Am I "safe"? That's garbage.

 

She got out of a 7 year relationship before me and swore off relationships forever. I would feel horrible to breakup with her. Not just for how it would make her feel (I'm sure if she was truly lonely she would just run to him), but how I would miss her. Maybe I'm overreacting.

 

Either way though, I'm not in so much of a hurry to see her now. All I can hope is that she will begin to miss me and want me around more. Though my gut tells me this will just get worse until one of them gets a job.

[GingaGinga]

hey, honestly man, keep doing what your doing. i've been in your position before, but probably worse in comparison, but what i've learnt was that girls come and go, and although you may not like to think about it or admit it, she's probably not the one. Try distancing yourself like you said, but when she asks you to do something tell her that your busy, or hang out with some girl friends that you have. try different perspectives. It sucks when your girl doesn't want to get intimate with you. it makes you feel real low if i'm not mistaken. The next best thing you could do is just be straight up and honest wit her. I know it's hard, but make sure you don't beat aroun the bush and say everything that is bothering you. if she doesn't like it and is not willing to cope with it, then she not worth it. A relationship should be 50/50, and in your case it seems like ur doing about 80-100% while she's just relaxing. It doesn't work like that and you have to let her know. If it's meant to be, she'll come around. Trust Me.

 

Remember one thing.. Man's greatest downfall is women.

 

Don't give her the best of both worlds, she's living the life right now because she has you around, and when your not she has him. Most girl's love that sort of power and attention.

[greensleeves]

Remember one thing.. Man's greatest downfall is women.

 

Depending on the woman It could also be said that man's greatest inspiration is women...you just have to find the right one

[_Asti_]

Well, I automatically thought of the "talk to her line" but its only been a month. Discussing this will probbaly just make you come off as needy and controlling.

 

But with that being said its only been a month!!!! She should still be crazy about you, and you should still be in the blissful phases of honeymoon lustyness.

 

It appears as if its a chore for her to maintain this relationship, and doing things to make you happy.

If she claims to love you, do her actions back those words up? It doens't seem like it. She's throwing those words around, and personally I wouldn't believe her, not after a month and not after this behavior.

 

I'd say back off, and let her come around. If she questions it, bring it up...but truthfully, if she likes you and wants to be with you, she'll make it happen because she wants to be. Are her actions saying she wants to be with YOU?

[bouncebounce]

wow man...i read this and its like deja vu for me. The exact same thing happened to me. I was with a girl for 1 year and then a guy friend came back and I knew he liked her and she had a thing for him....she denied it but told me if i didnt like it to leave it....but she stood her ground on how she didnt like him...i didnt believe her so i broke up with her....2 weeks later she was going out with him(so much for not liking him) and when i got mad she said....well you broke up with me so what was I suppose to do?

 

Really I know how you feel. I got trapped into having nothing i could do. But seriously just hold on to what you got because you may regret giving it up. If you have to maybe just chill with some friends guys and girls and just chill out and not worry. You will find out eventually what the facts are and then you can act. But just keep an eye out for it though....trust me the signs are more obvious then you may think.