Overwhelming Stress... Making Me Crazy?

[Angel_baby]

Lately I have been getting worse about obsessing about, well just about everything! It is getting bad and I can tell it is starting to take it toll on my body and my mind.

 

Thing is I can't seem to calm down. I have so much pressure on me plus I am a mother of a 2 year old! Everyday I will have anxiety attacks over even stupid small things.

I am also OCD. A messy living room sends me into a full blown anxiety attack! Just thinking about it is starting to make me stress right now!

 

I had shingles at the beginning of this year from stress and I don't want to have them again. But at the rate I am going I will.

I am so worried about losing our house. My husband seems to think he can spend all the money without paying the bills. We are 4 months behind, in the last 5 months only 1 payment has been made.

 

I have a serious problem when it comes to having to pay these bills. I know if I pay them my husband is going to be mad and if I don't the collectors are mean. I have my phone set to restricted calls because I get like 30+ calls a day from them!

 

I feel like I am letting my life go by me. I keep thinking of the right things to do to try to get out of this but nothing seems to be doable! I am disabled and can't work, everyday I am in a lot of pain, which doesn't help with my stress at all.

 

I have sadly gotten to the point that I never want to leave the house for anything. I don't like even making calls to anybody. I used to be a very outgoing person but now I have clammed up from the stress and pain.

 

My house is a mess, I have to spray for fleas ( I took in stray kittens that were dumped) but can't because my house is a mess. I will get one room clean, hard to do when I am in pain... just to have my husband tear it up the next day.

I HAVE to have a yard sale for some money but now it is raining AGAIN this weekend. I have been trying to have this for the last month in a half now.

 

I don't know what to do, I am so stressed out that I am "froze up" and scared to do anything. I can't cope.

 

 

I am so overwhelmed.

[Seraphim]

You need to really get out of that life my dear. How is your plan going for that?

[Angel_baby]

You need to really get out of that life my dear. How is your plan going for that?

 

My health has taken a turn for the worse right now. I know my husband just adds to the stress and I need to leave him. It's actually weird that he hasn't been bad (temper wise) at all for awhile and I am the one that is freaking out about everything while he is the one that is saying "it will be alright" and that "we will get through this", blah blah blah...

 

I just don't believe that anymore. I really don't have much hope.

 

I really want more out of my life then just staying home all the time. I want to go to college but have become to scared to do that also.

[Seraphim]

Fear is what is holding you back. But I can tell you that living without all that crap will be MUCH better for your health, even if you have to live in one room with your son it is still better.

[greensleeves]

Oh angel, I know your situation and I know that you don't have many options right now. I'm sorry you're going through this and that things only seem to be getting worse instead of better...no wonder you're stressed. Is there any point in trying to talk to your husband about setting up a budget or could you get a consolidation loan to help with the financial aspect of it?

 

Try not to stress too much about the messy house...just chip away at it a little bit each day when you're able to, maybe focus on one area or cupboard at a time. You have a two year old and the days of having a spotless house are over for now, so just try to accept that. Keep one little area tidy where you can relax with your son. Once you have your yard sale things will feel better because you'll be rid of alot of stuff that you don't use anymore and you'll have more space.

 

Have you ever tried meditation? It might help you to relax a bit. If you're starting to avoid leaving the house, I think that you have to overcome that before it becomes more serious. Could you at least get out for a walk everyday?

[Angel_baby]

Victoria, it is just getting to that point that is hard. My plans always crumble to nothing. I will get very motivated to get things done and then WHAM things fall apart, my OCD kicks in and I can't focus on anything else.

 

I have really tried to push past this but I just can't seem to overcome it

 

 

 

Greensleeves, thanks for your reply. I am almost to scared to leave the house because I fear more stress will come of it. I don't want the stress of having to be with friends and make idle chit chat when my life is falling apart. I just can't.

 

All I ever do to get out anymore is go grocery shopping with my son. That is stressful to because I haven't renewed our foodstamps... again the problem of having to do with not wanting to go anywhere.

 

I have tried the route of not worrying about the house, I had to because of my back procedures. Since then my house is in shambles and I can't get it tidy. I have accepted that I can't get it spotless but I like it to at least be ok looking.

I have no help. I don't want to get out of bed some days because then I will have to see my failure all over the house.

 

I want to have the yard sale SO bad. I know it will relieve a LOT of stress. But I have not had a chance to do so.

[greensleeves]

Just take it slow...one thing at a time. Could you go out for a quiet walk every morning with your son? It might get your days off to a better start...fresh air and a bit of sun can make alot of difference in how you're feeling.

[mellybelly]

Hello angelbaby.

 

I agree with greensleeves, I think you need to take things slowly, and focus on the things you actually can accomplish, instead of the whole picture, which is far too big to accomplish everything. Like greensleeves said, try to keep a little space clean for yourself. Make lists of what you would like to achieve, and start out with what is exactly feasible of getting done with all the pain you are dealing with. Maybe you won't be able to have the yard sale due to the rain, but just make sure you have it all organized and gathered for when you can actually do it. I have the same problem as you, when i get stressed it's so overwhelming, and I tend to look at the whole looming picture. But, the times I have gotten out of it, is when I took small steps to doing what I could get done. This in turn will build up your confidence. Deal with what you can, one step at a time.

 

You also mentioned school. Maybe you could start looking into programs and seeing what could possibly work out for you in the future when you are ready. Talk to a guidance counselor to help you see what courses you would need to take. Look online at your options. The way to overcome these fears, is knowledge. Find the ways that will help you overcome this, and don't be afraid to try, and fail. The point is to try, and once you do it will relieve some of this anxiety because you are being active about it.

 

Please, try not to look at the whole picture though! It's too much, for anyone! And it seems like you are dealing with some difficult issues as it is. Take it slowly love.

 

Sending good thoughts your way!

 

-melly

[chasey]

*HUGS*

 

 

greensleeves has alot of great advice

I think one small clean space where you can relax, a quiet walk each morning or even just being outside playing with your son for a few minutes might make a big difference.

 

Just take it one small thing at a time and remember to give yourself some time through the day to relax and do something for you. That usually helps me get through times when everything seems to be tumbling down.

[Angel_baby]

Thanks for your replies.

 

Greensleeves, I will try to go for a small walk, that might help. I know I need to stop obsessing about the house... it is making me nuts.

 

 

Melly, thanks for your advice. I do look at the big picture all at once and it just drowns me.

The fear of losing our house is the biggest problem.

 

Chasey I am having problems keeping to the do one little thing at a time method because it has been what I have been doing and it isn't working.

 

My husband tells me it will be ok and cleaning isn't everything.... why can't I believe that?

[itsallgrand]

Angel, what's the situation with your friends and family?

 

You mentioned you get no help. And hubby is seeming like yet another obstacle at the moment, instead of feeling like a release.

 

When at the edge, I know what you are saying how the last thing in the world you feel like dealing with is chit chat.

 

On the other end though, I know in my personal experience that these are the times where having a friend or fam or two can make all the difference in the world.

 

If there is anybody you can call and say "Hey. Want to come over for coffee? I'm going a bit stir crazy and could just use your company." now could be a good time to do it.

 

Have a time out. Open the windows in the house. Put on a pot of coffee or whatever is your treat. Set your son up with some quiet activity for a while and regroup with your friend.

 

I really hope you feel better soon. I'd show up if I could for you. No one should have to feel they are in it alone.

[Angel_baby]

My sister lives with me but is at work all the time. Some of my friends betrayed me a couple months ago and it is just to much stress to try to be nice to them.

My mom is crazy and is stress just to be around.

 

I sadly realized last night that I don't want to be around people. It is so bad I know. I don't know how I got to this point.

My sister that lives with me drives me nuts sometimes with her talking about school and work... I know she is just wanting to talk but it really hurts to hear it all at times.

 

I am embarrassed to have people over to my house with it being the mess it is. ](*,)

 

I need to lighten up but I can't find out how. Maybe walking will help.

[itsallgrand]

If you can get out for a bit of a walk, that'd be good.

 

You really aren't alone, and you will get through this. I think a lot of us have been there at one point or another.

 

take care.

[greensleeves]

Could your sister take on some of the housework responsibility and is she making any financial contribution to the household? She should be doing one or the other...or both.

 

Walking will definitely help...maybe set that for a goal. Say, walk four times a week for at least a half an hour. If you set a series of small goals and achieve them you'll start to feel much better about everything. Like mellybelly said, make lists. I'm big on lists because it gives me a sense of accomplishment to cross something off the list...even small things. I know this sounds really insane, but sometimes I even add things to my list that I've recently completed just so I can cross it off the list... But the best thing about making lists is that is gets all that random stuff out of your head...once it's on paper just tell yourself that you'll get to it when you get to it and forget about it for now...it won't enter your thoughts so much.

 

Things will get better for you...sometimes you just get hit with everything at once, but it won't last forever. I hope you'll keep making plans for your future.

[chasey]

Like mellybelly said, make lists. I'm big on lists because it gives me a sense of accomplishment to cross something off the list...even small things. I know this sounds really insane, but sometimes I even add things to my list that I've recently completed just so I can cross it off the list... But the best thing about making lists is that is gets all that random stuff out of your head...once it's on paper just tell yourself that you'll get to it when you get to it and forget about it for now...it won't enter your thoughts so much.

 

 

Lists are an awesome way to relieve pressure of getting things done!

[chasey]

My husband tells me it will be ok and cleaning isn't everything.... why can't I believe that?

 

It's amazing how guys can do this. Mine is the same way, always telling me not to worry so much etc etc. Little to they know (as a friend and I just discussed a couple weeks ago) there is SO much that simply would not get done if we didn't do it. They don't do it, either cuz of working long hours or just lazy. Someone has to, and that someone ends up with all the stress on their shoulders.

[Angel_baby]

I think I will try to do lists. I know I used to do them a long time ago so I will give that a try again to.

 

Oh, yes I forgot to mention, my sister pays rent for her room and meals. She babysits for me when she can.

 

One of my friends wants me to go out this Saturday for a friend of hers birthday thing. Basically a girls night out. I already don't want to. What is wrong with me??!! ](*,)

 

 

Chasey, guys just don't get the little things that have to be done. Normally not a big deal... but when you are burdened with everything else and no help...

[chasey]

Chasey, guys just don't get the little things that have to be done. Normally not a big deal... but when you are burdened with everything else and no help...

 

 

....it's darn frustrating.....................

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I'm going to take a different tack here because it seems to me that the problem isn't that you need to escape, it is that you need to plan and make progress on goals. As you make progress, things improve. Otherwise you just escape for a while, then come back to the same thing.

 

It is true that if you do nothing, things will take the line of least resistance and basically that is chaos. And worrying doesn't accomplish anything and just distracts you from the fact you need to do something to solve your problems or they will just continue or get worse.

 

Sit down and make a list of all the problems you are dealing with now. Then rank them in terms of minor irritations vs. things that you can't put off any longer without risk to yourself. Obviously at the top of the list is the potential to lose your house if you are not making payments on it. Banks will let it slip for awhile, until one day that foreclosure notice arrives, then you are really in crisis with a whole new set of problems to deal with.

 

So the first task is to find a way to solve your housing issues. Since you are disabled, there may be state or federal resources available to help you. Call your state's social services dept., as well as the county social services dept. and see what resources they might have to help you deal with this or provide assistance.

 

A yard sale will give you a little cash, but it won't solve the problem of your husband being irresponsible and not paying the mortgage. If he is being irresponsible and not taking care of the family and will get you kicked out on your ear, than you are better off calling a women's shelter and finding out about programs that could get you housing for yourself/child (without the husband), perhaps in a subsidized program and support from govt. disability payments. If you and your sister move out to an apt. like that, her rent plus your payments might afford you better circumstances than your husband not paying the mortgage and stressing your out. He will be required by law to make child support payments (that he can't fritter away on himself witout going to jail), so you might actually be financially better off if you don't live with him.

 

So start calling around to find all the benefits and resources you can that are available to you, and call a women's shelter to help you with the logistics of moving and finding a lawyer to help get child support for you.

 

It sounds like you are going to lose the house anyway, so it might be a blessing and a time to go ahead and leave your abusive husband and start fresh with people who might be able to really help you plan a future.

 

So plan and problem solve, and never confuse random activity with progress. Start setting some goals, and move towards them, and your emotional paralysis will be overcome.

[Seraphim]

Yes, this is really what you need to try to do.

[stella74]

Good advice from Greensleeves and BeStrongBeHappy. A combination of doing things to relax and taking proactive steps to make progress towards goals will help you feel a lot better.

 

Start small. If you're afraid to take a walk because you're afraid of leaving the house and running into people, sit still and take deep breaths for 5 minutes. It will instantly calm you down and give you renewed energy to tackle your fears.