long time no type...

[sademma]

Hi guys

 

I havent posted on here for a few days and feel im in need of a little venting and support today.

 

i have a few previous posts on here also from the beginning but there have been some not so good developments in the course of our seperatio..

 

to cut a very long story short my husband has become very angry with me over silly things, pretty much anythin i say, he says i provoke him which i know i do but try not to.

 

anyway i felt he did somethign really disrespectful over the weekend whilst he had the children. I let him stay in the house (the one he left me in, but i am movin out shortly as its his house) as i was going away for the weekend to london to stay with a friend. he has a friendship with his (now ex-) best friends wife, and he says she is his only friend which is why he talks to her he has reassured me ther eis nothing going on as she is his only friend and he doesnt want to ruin that, however, on friday i spoke ot him and he was taking the kids swimming, i aksed if this girl was going and he told me no, on saturday i get this text....

 

morning, hope you had a good night... was talking to louise last night and she said that simon was doing stuff with the boys today so she is coming swimming with us this afternoon. this was after we last spoke which is why im telling you now and wasnt even suggested before last night. it is a complete coincidence that it is so soon after the last time she came down, we are still just friends and while the kids are with us nothing can happen to change that (not that it would if they wernte!)x

 

so we had a bit of a row about the fact that he just told me even tho i have asked he doesnt see this girl with the kids, i begged and pleaded for him not to bring to the house as i feel its not fair on me, she was already on her way here. i then begged and pleaded that they dont sit and drink in the evening in what is curerntly MY home. he said ok, anyways, they went off swimming and then all them went to a restuarnt for dinner. i feel sick even typing this.

she left here at 8pm.

 

when i came home sunday we had yet another argument over something silly but he left without saying goodbye etc, we had had a previous argument on friday when i dropped my son off with him shouting and screaming at me and being quite cruel, i said i have given him 12 years of my life and im now worth nothing to him, he said i gave you 12 years of my life and i said i would have the next 12 if he let me, he just screamed at me "well you cant"

i left in tears.

 

when i saw my daughter sunday she told me that when this louise had got here she was sat in the lounge and he took my daughter out the back and said to her "im not saying anything is going on, im not saying anythign is going to happen but how would you feel if louise was my girlfriend"

this REALLY hurt.

 

problem was she told me she shrugged and walked awya but in actual fact she said to him she would really like that.

 

i sent him a text saying guess louise is your girlfriend now then.

 

he called me and said she isnt, i asked if he was going to ask her out and he said no, i said do you have feelings for her, he said, no, well yes, but only as a friend. he cannot see that it was so wrong to bring her here into my home, nor can he see he should not have asked my daughter that.

 

he says he hasnt given me false hope but he has. over the past few days he has said things like i said i hope we can be a family again one day he replied to that with "im not in the right place"

he also said to me "i just cant be with you at the moment"

when i asked him what he meant by that a couple of days ago he said exactly what he said. i dont know what that means......

told me he hadnt fallen completely out of love with me....

he said if we could go back to when we were happy, 5 years ago he would.... but he doesnt believe that things will change and he thinks we will go back to how we were. i told him i agree it would take hard work and time but he doesnt want to even try.

he told me he didnt know what was in the future and when i said i was still hoping to one day be able to sort things out and remnided him that he said that he shouted at me and said "i wasnt talking short term emma".

 

i know i should be moving on, and i am, im moving out etc but i just find these mixed signals are really messing with my head. so im trying to ignore them

 

we had another huge row on monday and i told him i was taking legal advice to protect my interest in the house once i have gone so i cant be screwed over wih the money from the sale of the house, i also stupidly said i was going to see if i can get something drawn up to make sure he cant move louise into this house ( she has sepereated from her husand now too and is moving out, in hindsight i think she will stay in the town she lives in now becuase its a good hours drive and they have 2 kids together aswell) but this comment seemd to make him really angry and he was saying why the hell would i need that drawn up, she ISNT moving in, there is NO reason for her to, whatever i think is between them is all in my head, there is nohting there.

 

he ended up sitting down telling me he was moving back in and wasnt leaving becuase he needs to proetct his interest in the house too, this resulted in me crying an begging him to leave,he was shouting at me so much he was spitting in my face as he was shouting, i ended up slappinghim to get him away from me and pushing him away. he picked up my son and refused to leave without him, i went into the garden and called my mum in a complete state. she calmed me down and i came back in to talk to him. i just asked him to leave and said i won go legal.

he shouted at me "this whole f**ing thing would be so much easier if you were just dead".....

i asked him if he wanted a divorce, he just said "do you", i replied with, i dont know......

 

he did leave in the end and later on i sent him a text saying "i dont want to think about divorce at the moment. i hope you feel he same. at some point we will have to talk things thru but not now. Too many emotions are running and the turmoil in both of us is causing too much tension an causing us both to say hurtful things to each other. we'll talk when we are both ready.

until then i think we only have to contact reagrding the kids otherwise we end up going round in circles. im sorry for all the horrible things that have happened and all the hurtful things that have been said. you know the door is open if you want to talk.x"

 

he replied with "thank you, i agree and im sorry too"

 

apart from one call last night to ask about a trip he is paying for for my daughter we have had no other contact now.

 

i have ot be honest i feel like crap today and felt the same yesterday. im waiting to hear if i can sign the papers for my flat today/tomorrow but it all seems so real now. i do honeslty believe there is nothing going on between him and louise but cant get the cosy image of them sitting together watching a film drinking wine and sharing what was OUR bed once i have left. it hurts so much. even if it hsnt happened now i have a feeling its going to. he told me and his sister that he was just curious about my daughters reaction and he meant how would she feel about him seeing other people not her in particular. he told me "how can he not think about it when i shove it in his face all the time that i thought she was after him"

 

he always says he doesnt have time to see anyone else as he spends all his spare time with the kids or at work, he has the kids this weekend and i asked him to please not see her with them and to please respect my feelings on that just for the moment. he said im making him chose between his frined and his kids, surley if thats the case there is no choice......

 

i fear i have pushed them together now and thats a killer. i guess im just hoping that once i have moved out he might find the grass isnt greener so to speak and he in fact misses us more than he thought, he isnt normally an angry person he is in fact very placid so it kind of helps that the person i know now is not the man i was married to.

 

just cant seem to lift myself from this depression today and i know to expect the bad days but it doesnt feel like its ever going to get better. any help or advice is appreciated.

 

xxx

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You need to see an attorney right now.

 

It really sounds to me like he is having an affair with this woman and lying to you about it. Most likely he is doing this because he doesn't want you to file for divorce on grounds of adultery as that would go worse for him in the divorce.

 

I also suggest you not move out of the house until you've talked to an attorney. If you move out and he moves back in, he can file for divorce on grounds that you deserted him. Then he can file for custody of the kids and say that since he is in the kids marital home, he should have custody of the kids and the house and that you should pay him child support.

 

You need to try to take all this emotion and smoke and mirrors out of the equation now and look at this practically. I think a divorce is inevitable here given that he has a mistress, and you want to be the one filing, the one asking for custody and child support and to stay in the house.

 

If he wants to chase someone else that is his choice, but don't make it easy for him at your own expense. Recognize that all this may be a planned strategy on his part to keep the house, keep the kids, and keep custody and get money for child support from you. Don't let him do that, since he is the one who cheated and broke up the marriage.

 

Don't focus on her or him and her, focus on protecting yourself and your kids and your rights. Don't agree to do anything now, including moving out, until you've consulted an attorney.

[healthseeker]

Ditto to all of the above!

[Karmageddon]

Common Emma, honey, you have been through all of this before. Time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps & take care of you and the kids. No need to be a doormat anymore. Listen to the girls, I think we have all been here. Go see an attorney straight away, even if only for a consultation as far as your rights. You need to know the legal ramifications of your actions or inactions. Don't go into this blind, he is obviously not being truthful & if he was he would have no issue with getting everything resolved legally.

[healthseeker]

Emma? Where are you? How are the kids? Please keep us informed on your well-being.