monty44 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Anybody out there who thought at one time they lost the love of their life and yet they found something even better. I just feel like I will never love again, or feel like the way I did with her. It just is a really horrible feeling. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I feel the same too. Just don't feel that I could ever meet someone I could have "that feeling" with again so you're not alone there. But I am sure someone will come along and blow that thought out of the water sooner or later. Link to comment
Dave11 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Likewise, in the same situtation at the moment. I look forward to meeting someone new though and it will probably feel much better for having gone through this. Alternately I may get ridiculously paranoid and be unable to trust them... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think it must have something to do with our feelings over our break ups atm. Hope so anyway. I am worried about not being able to trust again too. It's gonna be hard work. Link to comment
Nixee Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Anybody out there who thought at one time they lost the love of their life and yet they found something even better. I just feel like I will never love again, or feel like the way I did with her. It just is a really horrible feeling. I don't know what to do. I know that feeling very very well. I felt exactly that way with my ex after we broke up, and every time he hurt me during our 7 year relationship... the thought of losing him killed me inside... he was everything that love was to me, and I couldn't comprehend love without him. ....That was silly. It took a long time and a lot of healing to get beyond that thought process and get back to myself, which is natural... but I finally did learn that I still had the ability to love again. And yes, it was sweet relief to feel that feeling again. It was an amazing breath of fresh air when it hit me. It'll come. Be patient with yourself, be good to yourself. The heart has much more capacity for love than you are giving it credit for when you are in such pain, which I think is natural. Link to comment
atelis Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I have fallen in love twice (i'm 35). The first was very intense and i had a connection with her that i will most probably never experience again with anyone. The break-up was extremely painfull and i doubted that i would ever love again. I am now going through a break-up with my second love and i must say that although the connection wasn't as strong or as intense as my first love, i did still love her and did want a future with her. You do love again. The connection and strength of feeling may not be as intense as a previous love, but you can love again. The trick is not to try and replicate the feelings and connection you had for a previous person in the new person. accept the relationship for what it is and for the person they are and try not to compare your feelings between relationships. You need to put each relationship in it's place and accept each one for what it is Link to comment
Dave11 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think it must have something to do with our feelings over our break ups atm. Hope so anyway. I am worried about not being able to trust again too. It's gonna be hard work. I trusted her completely and then she leaves me for another guy without even having the decency to tell me, or even reply to my messages and calls. I used to find it hard to trust people, she built up my trust and then totally shattered it... Link to comment
COtuner Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Yup.... I'm there... sort of. I love him with all my heart and soul despite his faults - where is there room for anyone else? (not trying to be melodramatic - took me many years to understand that sort of love.) Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I trusted her completely and then she leaves me for another guy without even having the decency to tell me, or even reply to my messages and calls. I used to find it hard to trust people, she built up my trust and then totally shattered it... I know the feeling. I was hurt very badly by my first ex and current ex said he would never do anything to hurt me. I trusted him completely but it turns out in a lot of ways he was a bigger loser than first ex. Don't know how I'm ever going to believe a word that's said to me in a relationship again. Link to comment
Daegas Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 How can you remember the feelings accurately over any period of time? Most people make things more beautiful than they really were..... Link to comment
COtuner Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I know the feeling. I was hurt very badly by my first ex and current ex said he would never do anything to hurt me. I trusted him completely but it turns out in a lot of ways he was a bigger loser than first ex. Don't know how I'm ever going to believe a word that's said to me in a relationship again. That phrase is now a trigger for me because I believed my ex as well. How can anyone promise that? It's really not possible if you think about it. The nature of love is to be in the most personal depths of someone's life - how can you not eventually hurt them in some way? Better to focus on how to deal with the aftereffects of hurt, and to build trust to survive that hurt without losing the relationship. I thought I knew how to do that, but I've recently discovered I don't.... feel free to start a thread on that if anyone knows! Link to comment
atelis Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 How can you remember the feelings accurately over any period of time? Most people make things more beautiful than they really were..... i do recall them quite vividly. i have only been in love twice, so for me it's easy to remember how i felt each time and the depth of feeling i had for my respective partners. with my second love, i actually remember saying to myself 'why don't i feel as stronly or as deeply for her as my previous love'. Different partners elicit different feelings and different depth of feelings depending on the circumstances, ie age you met them, whether they were your first love, the individual qualities of the respective partners etc. Every love is different Link to comment
Perfection Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 i just CHOOSE not to "love" again. but then again that's just me. Link to comment
atelis Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 i just CHOOSE not to "love" again. but then again that's just me. i really am starting to think this is the way to be after two crushing break-ups Link to comment
miew Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Yes, I am haunted by the fear that I'll never love again, too. I had only 2 relationships, the first one was short (we did have a long friendship before we got together), the second one lasts for three years and I once thought we'd be together forever... That being said...I am not in love most of my life! I didn't choose to be that way. And it gets harder and harder to love again when you grow older, I guess... Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 im at this point right now..i cant picture myself ever loving the same...i dont picture the same intensity and it really depresses me actually it depresses me that the strong love is most likely gone out of my life Link to comment
TeaLeaf Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I feel that way...I feel like no longer am I willing to risk my heart to possibly find someone because everytime i start to invest time and effort with someone, it means I leave myself vulnerable to get hurt...and then I get hurt.... Link to comment
COtuner Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 When I break up, it takes me years to even look at a guy, let alone consider a date. Maybe why my relationships start with coworkers I'm friends with.... I'm reasonably certain that if I can't GBT with my ex, I may very well stay alone the rest of my life and just focus on my interests and my career. Try to be the best in the country at what I do. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm sure hoping to love again. Heck with my past relationships. Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 whats interesting is one my friends told me that each time he got into a new relationship, it was better and stronger then the previous one (he was referring to long term 1 - 3 year relationships) so there is some hope but for the most part i hear that love is never as intense Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 After my dad got married, him and his wife got a house together and were happy as could be. Sixth months after tying the knot, he wasn't feeling well at work, so he decided to go home just a few hours after arriving. As he pulled into his and his wife's neighborhood, he passed a car coming the opposite way. In it was some guy driving...with his wife sitting next to him smiling and laughing. Of course, my dad was devastated. When he finally confronted her about it later that day, she admitted it was an ex boyfriend of hers and that nothing happened, they were just meeting up. Of course, my dad was suspicious, since he wouldn't have known about it unless he saw them. As predicted, a few days later, his wife said she was leaving and was going to move far away with her ex and start over. My dad was got quite depressed over this, but eventually pulled himself out of the hole and started working on himself and moving on with his life. Within the year of his wife leaving him, he met a woman at a theater group he had joined. They kicked it off and started dating. They fell in love and eventually got married. That woman was my mother and they are still happily married to this day. So, yea, everything happens for a reason. It's completely possible that you'll move on to find someone who was much more compatible and who loves you a lot more than the person you were with. By the way, some 20 years after the fact, his ex-wife managed to track his address down and send him a letter. He said the envelope was pretty thick, so she must have written quite a bit. That made it feel even better when he took the letter out of the mailbox and put it directly into the trash. Link to comment
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