CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I am going through some emotional changes. I snap at my boyfriend and then 20 minutes later am apologizing. Its a routine. Sometimes I call him and he doesn't answer or call me back right away and I get mad and just want to give up. I know things are supposed to be easier and things should just flow...at the same time I know relationships take work and we have been together for 5 years so I figure its worth trying to make work because I see he is making an effort. BUT I feel so guilty for snapping and I can't get over it for days. So my question is if I really wanted to be with him wouldn't I stop snapping and learn my lesson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dearclarity Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Some people just tend to snap. I'm one of them, and I've had the same problem. I think the only way to get past that in any relationship is to teach yourself to have a new reaction whenever something aggrivates or irritates you. You have to be committed to doing it until it becomes habit. For some people just taking a deep breath might work, for others it needs to be more verbal--the two of you could agree that whenever you feel inclined to snap, you'll let him know. You can agree on a response whenever that happens (something like "let's stop talking for a minute") or you can simply acknowledge it however you want (by telling him that he has done something to anger you). What worked best for me was simply taking a deep breath and saying "I love you" whenever I felt that quickly welling urge to snap. He always sincerely replies "I love you too," and after hearing him say that I calm down enough to function rationally again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 I snap at him when I think about all the poor choices he is making in his life though. Like it will be on my mind and then he will do something to annoy me and then I will snap at him. For example. We went to the beach on Sunday. He got his tattoos touched up or something and then he only wanted to buy me a hot dog because he was "broke" It annoyed me because he isn't broke he just doesn't want to spend money on me. We then went to a fast food place and he was going to have me pay for my food like he was "broke" It annoys the hell out of me. Am I shallow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dearclarity Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 No, I don't think you're shallow for feeling that way. Does he do that kind of thing often? If so, it sounds like the problem might be more with him being a little immature and somewhat selfish than with you being snappy. It's cool if he spends money on himself sometimes and is too broke to pay for you, but if he's always putting himself before you than I think that's something worth being upset about, you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 So you feel you aren't high enough on his priorities-list? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well I don't know if I should say I am low on his priorities... I don't think I am.. He took me out to an expensive dinner two weeks ago. I could be wrong in thinking he is selfish because he should be able to buy himself things BUT He has alot of bills and needs insurance for his car and I think he should be paying for that too you know? He seems irresponsible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PixelPusher Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know if that makes you shallow, unless you constantly want him to spend money on you. But I certainly understand your frustration about his priorities. Doesn't feel good when his tats are more important that your lunch, about which he complains. Thing is... you can't tell him that he's leading his life wrong... he's got to do that himself, and snapping at him may only drive him further away, or he'll start shutting down emotionally. If you're frustrated, then tell him (nicely) how you feel before it gets to a snap-fest. And if he still does it, you just need to take a deep breath, say "you know how I feel about that" and let it go. Either he will change, or he won't... that's up to him. If he doesn't, then YOU need to make a decision about what is really important to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It depends on the person. Some people like only paying for themselves, some men love paying for both, some men think it should be split, some people think it should be split, some people think it should be alternating. I think you are only trying to salvage this relationship because its been 5 years of your life. 22 till now? If I did the math right. Hes childish and hes obviously not ready to be fully serious with you. You deserve a man who will respect you, be there for you and love you and want to be with you 100%. So I don't mean to be mean or rude to you, but I been reading your posts, this guy isn't worth anymore years of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 yeah I'm evaluating things you know. I'm trying to figure thing out. I basically told him I need time and he is really trying.. I can tell.and I'm not only trying to keep the relationship together because we have been together for a long time. Its just that I care about him and I'm trying to make sure I make the right decision you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Hmm seems like your having doubts, I think him hurting you by breaking up with you has given you the push you needed to evaluate things and find out what YOU want . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 yeah and its confusing. So, I'm trying to take it one day at a time (cliche I know) I want to make sure that I am making the right decisions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 yeah I'm evaluating things you know. I'm trying to figure thing out. I basically told him I need time and he is really trying.. I can tell.and I'm not only trying to keep the relationship together because we have been together for a long time. Its just that I care about him and I'm trying to make sure I make the right decision you know?There is no right decision, there just is a decision you make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 Yeah thats true too lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mending 08 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ILFS..why do you stay in this drama infested relationship?? You clearly are not happy. You are in TOTAL control of where this goes.Why are you leaving it up to HIM?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm not leaving it up to him actually. I have taken control of it finally and trying to see if I either want to be here or just want to break up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Seems to me like your just trying to take care of him. Sometimes relationships get to the point where you care about someone you want to take care of them, lead them on the right path. But the passion is gone etc. Ill shut up now, lol. good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm not leaving it up to him actually. I have taken control of it finally and trying to see if I either want to be here or just want to break up with him.So then your stuck with your original question: how do you know if you really want to be with someone? You never know, you just decide, decide & decide each day anew again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 no you don't have to shut up redhearts I appreciate you advice. And yes Daegas I just need to decide to let go probably... yuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Here list the pros and cons of him, then list the pros and cons of relationship and then list how everything is affecting your relationship. How has he built you up? Or been there? Or encouraged you? how much of a role do you play in his life? Then look at it for 5 minutes and decided what do you think is really best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Here list the pros and cons of him, then list the pros and cons of relationship and then list how everything is affecting your relationship. How has he built you up? Or been there? Or encouraged you? how much of a role do you play in his life? Then look at it for 5 minutes and decided what do you think is really best.My experience with women is that this never works because they always follow their feelings anyway..... (please just bash some sense into me, I'm having a lousy month with girls that go back to their ex'es or just can't let them go). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I'm saying she should write it here, so everyone can join in on how bad he is for her. Wake up call! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I'm saying she should write it here, so everyone can join in on how bad he is for her. Wake up call!Heh, I completely misunderstood..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose21 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Well, ever since I was on the depo shot for so long, then got off it, then started b-control pills but took them in reverse orders, and now am finally back on track, my emotions have been going CRAZY. I find that being off depo and taking my pills correctly is helping, but I still have mood swings. It will be awhile before everything is in order again. But I sometimes find myself snapping at my boyfriend, or getting highly emotional because he was to busy to call RIGHT AWAY or he texted me and I took it the wrong way etc etc. But seriously, I know its just the hormones. I know this isnt really me, and its nothing he did. He's never done anything to intentionally hurt me and he could never be cruel or be un loving. Im just ULTRA sensitve at times. Most of that is the extra hormones, but some of it is also just my normal personality. Can't help it. But he is very patient and loves me just the same. Even though I get upset, like you, and have doubts after the stupidist thing it goes away instantly. I truly love him and this is the guy that I want to be with for the rest of my life. I would be lost without him. Thats how I know I truly want to be with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoCo2009 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 Well he called me like 5 times last night trying to get intouch with me because he had a missed call from me. I talked to him and told him I would rather see him today instead of last night. But right now I feel like I don't want to see him today either. I want to be alone........What do I do? I just need some time to myself I think. What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 You are at a crossroad in the desert; you want water but which do you go? You can tell us what you see, and based on that we can say which way we would go, but even we don't know which way the water is or if there actually is any. You know this terrain best of all, so it is best if you make this choice. However, you should not forget there is always the option of just standing still and hoping it will rain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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