CDizzle Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I was wondering how you manage the time you spend with your significant other and the amount of time you spend with your friends. I am no novice to dating, however I am a definite novice when it comes to finding that balance. I typically get extremely involved with my boyfriend and start to neglect my friends. I go from spending about 4-5 times a week with friends, down to maybe once a week, if even that. (It once got so bad that it was maybe about 2-3 times a month! Embarrassing, I know.) Whenever I spend time with my friends I try to have my boyfriend come along so that he and I can be together but also so I can be with my friends; I also spend time with my boyfriend and his friends. However, I feel like there should be times when I should be alone with my boyfriend and times where it should just be me hanging out with my friends solo! I really, really want to find a good balance (it was my resolution after I entered this new relationships -- I really don't want to get lost in my boyfriend ever again) but I'm just not sure how to do it. Any advice (or examples) would be great! Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Your true true friends will always be there, even if you dont see them for years. A relatiosnhip with a lover or potential lover should take priority IMO. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ^^^i disagree with that LH. you must have time away from your SO. and yes, alone or with friends. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I disagree that your relationship should take priority. Maybe sometimes it should, but other times it should not. I think it's very important for BOTH people to have their own hobbies, friends, time apart etc. Of course, you should be spending plenty of time together....but I do not think any couple should spend all their time together. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ^^^i disagree with that LH. you must have time away from your SO. and yes, alone or with friends. Agree with this. In the past I have felt stifled and crowded by g/f's on being around me all the time - even when I hang out with friends. And being dragged along constantly with her friends! Painful! People need time apart to grow and mature. How much? It's a judgement call, and highly individual. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Your true true friends will always be there, even if you dont see them for years. I do agree with that....especially for guys it seems. My best friend and I once had a period of time where we didn't see each other and barely talked for a few years...and when things were rearranged and we could hang out more, it was like no time went by. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Your true true friends will always be there, even if you dont see them for years. A relatiosnhip with a lover or potential lover should take priority IMO. Maybe one's true friends will get tired of only being around when the person is between relationships - as soon as a new person comes along then they getted "dumped" Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Maybe one's true friends will get tired of only being around when the person is between relationships - as soon as a new person comes along then they getted "dumped" i have a female friend like that. she was always busy with the bf. then this bf and that bf. it got so old i gave up on hanging out with her. if i run into her when i'm out i say hi. that's it. we used to hang all the time. she broke up our group cause of it. Link to comment
lady00 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Relationships are more fun when you spend some of your time apart. A friend of mine basically always used to reserve one weekend night a week to spend time with his girlfriend, and one for his friends. For me, that's a bit rigid but I think if you're someone who is used to not having that balance it may be helpful to start off with something like this until you get the hang of it. Eventually as things get serious, you will spend more and more time with your bf but you can still make time for friends. Heck, I have plenty of married friends and they don't seem to have trouble making time for me and our other friends despite spending a lot of their time with each other, or at work, or pursuing their degrees etc. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well I dont think she minds the time they have together at all. Its "finding the balance" In short she seems to care mush about her friends emotions and the time she spends with her boyfriend. Do not worry about neglecting your friends. In the end they will understand. As we grow older relationships become a bit more of priority considering those are the fundamentals for a family and such. Depending on how involved you are with an S/O friends become less of a priority. Not saying cut them out of your life, but one holds more weight than the other dependant on the health of the relationship and how much is invested. I do understand the opposition though. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm the opposite. All the guys I've dated complain that I don't put them on a high enough priority and that I'm selfish with my time. I put family and friends and my hobbies before them...But I look at it like I had all those things before the guy came along, why should I suddenly change all that b/c I'm in a relationship? Now if we were to get the point of marriage then yes, he'd come before family and friends, but not just a boyfriend. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I sometimes think "how can I miss you and be happy to see you when you are always around me!!!" This has been a common complaint of mine regarding women (not all women but enough of them to make it an issue) I just don't want their biggest hobby to be me! edit: As amtertjet mentioned - marriage is a different issue. Link to comment
lady00 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Agreed--marriage is another thing altogether. But, as I mentioned in my other post, I have plenty of married friends who make a lot of time for their friendships. Usually it's both of them who go places together with their friends, but they still consider their friends to be incredibly important. Frankly, I don't ever plan on de-prioritizing my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin, married or not. I've seen so many examples around me of people who just find balancing both. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well, friendships are relationships too. The older I get, the more I value them. Boyfriends, even husbands/wives for some of my friends, have come and go. It's your friends who will be there for those tough times if you treat them right. Being single can be lonely. But being without any of my friends, that is even more difficult for me. When I was around your age, and deeply in love for the first time in my life, I started to neglect my friends for a period after moving in with the bf. He straight out told me, hey, I can tell you are missing your friends. Call them! He kicked me out the door to go see them. lol. I loved him even more for that. Without a good balance where you are happy with it and will be later down the road with your decisions now, it puts pressure and can drain the fun out of the relationship with your bf. Besides, it's exciting having stories to tell each other when you do see each other. Keeps things fresh. I agree; marriage is different, but friends will always be a priority for me. Link to comment
25thfloor Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Your true true friends will always be there, even if you dont see them for years. A relatiosnhip with a lover or potential lover should take priority IMO. hhmmm....not really. friendship, as with any relationship, is a series of checks and deposits. if you don't see your friends while your dating your guy, don't expect them to be able to see you if you break up. I for one, do not tolerate that BS. Granted, everyone goes through the honeymoon stage, and we all exept that. but after a couple of months, you need balance. you need to see your friends without your boyfriend some of the time, also. actually, as you get older, your realize just how important your girlfriends are. you need to nurture these friendships. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 The SO should be priority over friends, but there should be a decent balance, like 60-40 or 70-30 or something, not 100%. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 you must have time away from your SO. and yes, alone or with friends. completely agree. Men may come n go (not that we want it that way) but your girlfriend/guy friends will be always there with you. IMO, they are your shield. I wouldn't lose that for anything. And I'm sure you have heard this somewhere "Familiarity breeds contempt." Give each other space to grow. You can bring that growth to the relationship. It makes that relationship even more better. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I wouldn't lose that for anything. If you lose a friend for no reason they were not really a friend right? The question is how to find a balance not whether to chose one strictly or the other strictly. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think, you find balance by giving each other space and cherish some individual hobbies. Link to comment
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