Is it Love? Or wanting what I can't have? Does she still love me?

[JohnnyJr]

First let me get it out of the way that this all started by me making the cardinal sin: Dating at the workplace. We had both been working at this restaurant for almost a year. We started talking and I could tell she was into me. She came in and visited me on her day off. Things of that nature. I eventually received a text from her telling me she had a boyfriend of almost three years. I told her that was fine and to not break up with him because of me. Of course she breaks up with the poor guy and then I'm stuck with a girl who obviously wants a relationship with me. I felt pretty pressured going in and actually made it an official relationship when I was drunk. I know, I'm a real winner.... Anyways it was obvious she was crazy about me from the start. I was having trouble coming up with any feelings that I had for her stronger than just liking her.

After about 3 months I told her about my pressured feelings and we ended up breaking up that night, only to get back together 2 days later. Honestly, I missed her very much and couldn't stand not talking to her so I couldn't come up with a good reason not to be with her. We stayed together for another 3 months and still I couldn't bring myself to say I love you when I knew it was what she was thinking. So I called her over and did the dirty deed of breaking up with her a second time. This time I made certain to not talk to her for at least a week, just so I could get some real feelings.

We eventually started talking again and hooking up again. But I told her I couldn't date her again because I didn't want to hurt her. This of course, hurt her. She reacted by trying to find another guy. This caused me to have a burning inside my chest like one I have never experienced. She ended up not dating him, but another co-worker from her second job. This came around the same time when she was convinced I was hooking up with one of our mutual friends which was totally false. She became suspicious of this 3 weeks before she started dating the new guy, and claims she started liking the new guy 3 weeks before they started dating.

It has been about 4 months since we stopped being intimate and 1 month since she started dating another guy. I have been with another woman and talk to plenty others, many of whom claim to want to sleep with me and like me etc. But still, I cannot stop thinking about my ex. Every day I wake up checking my phone to see if maybe she sent me a message or called during the night. Whenever I see her at work I still get butterflies and want to do nothing more than to go over and kiss her so long and hard. I had a long talk with her about a week ago. I told her that she is still my favorite girl and she responded with that she still thinks about me and misses me. I asked if she wishes it were me instead of him with her and she said yes, sometimes. She wishes me and her were still together to see how we would have worked out.

My two questions are: Am I just wanting what I can't have? And is there still hope for me and her in the future? Please help

[Catdancer]

Sounds like you want her until you have her, then once you have her, you are looking for ways to get rid of her.

 

I'd say something like this doesnt really have any hope.

[keefy1972]

Yes you are just wanting what you can no longer have. You had her and didnt want her like you should've. Now that someone else is getting her attention, you find yourself asking her things like, "if she wishes it were me instead of him with her". Why do you ask that? I am guessing it is because your ego is taking a beating. How dare she not continue to chase you like a horny rabbit. You should be saying easy come easy go. You tried to find the feelings for her when you were with her. It didnt happen. Let her be with someone that gives her that. Doesn't she deserve that?

[i_win]

Maybe neither. Maybe you're just lonely and seeing her in a relationship makes you feel even lonelier.

[JohnnyJr]

So lets say that all this heartache is just really my ego. And that if she started chasing after me again, I wouldn't feel it. Is there some way to get rid of this, without ruining her happiness? Or do I have to live with it. Because even if I scientifically proved that I wanted what I couldn't have, I think I would still want it.

[keefy1972]

You probably would still want it. But it goes a long way to realize and admit it is due to your ego. Is easier to let it go when you realize you could have her if you want but choose not to. It also takes a level of maturity to respect her and let her find her own happiness without screwing up her head.