For the First time in 6 years...

[aldridal]

My ex-girlfriend and I broke a 6 year streak of having contact every day. I mean, we literally spoke at least once a day for our entire 6 year relationship. So, needless to say, it's been a little difficult/weird having not spoke to her since Saturday.

 

Here's why I decided on NC...

 

On Saturday, I went up to see her, because I had some things there still. As I was walking up to her place, I see "the guy" walk out of her apartment (meaning, he had spent the night AGAIN). So, for the past week, instead of focusing on herself and becoming more independent, she had basically just replaced me. After 6 years, she replaced me with somebody who has a personality eerily similar to mine.

 

Anyways, I knock on her door, and she comes out, and I start talking. I'm obviously a little emotional, so I figured she would at least show some compassion. Instead, the more I talk, she starts smiling.

 

That's when I unloaded everything I had been holding back - telling her that she is being extremely immature about the entire situation, and that having another guy "spend the night" (even though I do believe they haven't been intimate) is a horrible way to end a 6 year relationship. I mean, this guy and her slept in the same bed because they "fell alseep watching TV". I guess to me, an honest mistake would have been a one time deal, not a 5 time thing.

 

Anyways, what really torques me off about this entire thing is that she constantly tells me how she doesn't want to care about what somebody else thinks, and that she wants to be able to do whatever she wants, and wants to be able to be free. That would be fine - if she was actually doing that. Instead, she's doing the exact same things with this new guy that her and I would do, and she's leaning on him when she claims she wants to lean on nobody.

 

And finally, I have realized over the last week that this is probably for the best. There have been two times when I have gone into a mild depression, and both of those times, she has left me. Last winter when she was having problems with her best friend, I was there for her. I went to the hospital with her when she contracted pneumonia, and spent an entire week running to the store after she got heat exhaustion this summer and helped her get better.

 

When has she been there for me? Not once. This entire relationship has been about her, and I'm fed up with it. It's frustrating that I hadn't seen any of this earlier. It hurts that the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with - the person who I thought we'd do all of these wonderful things together with, turned out to be someone so completely different than myself, and somebody who is nowhere close to being mature enough for a relationship.

 

Sorry for the long rant - I just needed to write it down somewhere.

[i_win]

NC is a good choice in this situation. Let her rebound into a new relationship that has a rocky foundation based on transferred emotional feelings. I think you have the ammo you need and closure to move on. She certainly is. Give her what she wants and exit her life.

 

Focus on yourself and getting your life back on track...you'll met a new girl who is better suited for you one day that will give back into the relationship the same that you are putting in and it will be a relationship that develops and forms in a healthy manner...not some rebound.

[mezmerist]

I know how you feel. It is so frustrating for someone to say they need space, to be independent, to be happy with themselves, to have time to themselves, and then go and find someone else to be with!!! They are not working on themselves, but just transferring feelings and trying to feel better through someone else. Just makes the break-up seem like a waste, because she is not using it the way she should to become a better person. And it is sad for you to see that. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to make her see it if she is not willing. She has to figure it out herself. You can only take care of yourself at this point, by limiting contact so that you aren't hurt by her future choices. And it hurts, because you still care about her, and want the best for her. And you want her to better herself, because then you would feel like the break-up was actually worth it.

[testcase]

Exactly, hey a lot of us have been there man. I was in the same situation. I think its funny how the first time I looked online for advice I saw a gazillion posts of "I need to find myself = I need to find myself with another person." Of course I didn't believe this at first but hey it was spot on.

 

Really just work on yourself, make yourself happy. She has to figure things out for herself now, she can't have your help anymore.

 

Also use this as a learning experience. In the future you now know what qualities you'd like to have in a partner. I think it's important for everyone going threw this to try to find someone who is happy with themselves and with their life. I know I always have been and in my last relationship I thought I could make my ex happy. Well biggest thing I've learned is you can bring someone happiness and enrich their lives... but you can't make them happy.