kitkat827 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I just recently moved back to college and met the guy who lives in the apartment below me. We clicked right away and have a lot of fun together..Long story short we started hooking up (everything but have sex) and both started liking eachother.. he told me a couple of times he wants to be with me and eventually start a relationship. He calls me every day and we get along great.. A few days ago i went on his facebook and it said he was in a relationship. I was really upset and confronted him about it. He told me he didnt want to tell me from the beginning because he knew i wouldnt talk to him and he was really interested in me. I told him he cant have us both and he needs to choose who he wants to be with. He said that he has been with his girlfriend for over 4 years now and all they do is fight. its going to be a tuff decision for him. He said he needs a few days to think about it. I just feel like I finally met an amazing person who I really click with and I will be so hurt if doesnt choose me. His girl friend has 4 years on me...Do i have any hope? What should I do? Id really appreciate any advice anyone can give me. Link to comment
lapseinjudgement Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 My first question to you is, if he did 'choose' to be with you would you ever really be able to trust him in a committed relationship considering he's obviously not that good at being in one? Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'd say just leave it be and let him come to you when he's done with her. Until then I wouldn't be dealing with him. If he really liked you and wanted to be with you, I think he'd have no problems breaking free and moving on. He had no problems going ahead and cheating on her. I don't know, maybe its just me..but someone who so willingly cheats when their relationship gets rocky and go through tough times or things aren't so great..isn't someone I would be running to be with. Who's to say he won't do the same thing to you a few years down the road? Link to comment
karvala Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 So he's cheating on his gf with you, didn't you tell she even existed until you found out, admitted that he was lying to you because he wanted to hook up with you....and this is your ideal guy?! Can't imagine why he's fighting with his gf. I wonder if it's possible she objects to his behaviour as well? Link to comment
chasey Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 - he's cheating on his girlfriend of 4 years, which shows he can't be trusted - by not telling you about her, he gave the impression he was available, basically lying to you Is he really such an amazing guy? Link to comment
insofar Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 So he's cheating on his gf with you, didn't you tell she even existed until you found out, admitted that he was lying to you because he wanted to hook up with you....and this is your ideal guy?! Can't imagine why he's fighting with his gf. I wonder if it's possible she objects to his behaviour as well? Quoted for truth. You need to understand that if and until he breaks up with his girlfriend, you are just a friend to him, and expecting more will just cause heartbreak for you and him (not to mention his current girlfriend, who, you have to remember, is a real person just like you). I'd say limit the amount of time you spend together and make it clear that nothing can happen beyond talking until (and if) he breaks up with the current girlfriend. You don't want to be remembered as the person with whom he cheated on his girlfriend, do you? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 i'm not sure what hooking up without sex means, but you know he has a girl, get out now. hooking up here means going all the way. otherwise, it's kissing, oral, etc. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I just feel like I finally met an amazing person who I really click with and I will be so hurt if doesnt choose me. His girl friend has 4 years on me...Do i have any hope? What should I do? Id really appreciate any advice anyone can give me. My bf's ex had 17 years on me. He loves me and wanted to be with me. End of story. BUT if he didnt love me, he would have stayed with her. It was an incrediblely hard decision for him that took him about 8 months to make. Link to comment
kitkat827 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 thanks for your help. do you suggest i completley stop talking to him or? Its just hard because i have really strong feelings for him.. he told me hes not going to hook up w me until he makes his decision that way i dont get attached anymore then i am Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Personally, I'd stop all interaction. If you have strong feelings, even just being with him and around him, its going to make things worse for you. How do you just shut off those feelings? You can't. I wouldn't be investing my time into someone unless they were ready to give me a committment. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 thanks for your help. do you suggest i completley stop talking to him or? Its just hard because i have really strong feelings for him.. he told me hes not going to hook up w me until he makes his decision that way i dont get attached anymore then i am I would definitely back off. And I would not hang out with him anymore. I also would tell him why I am backing off. That I am uncomfortable being the other woman and if he wants to be with me, he should become single first. Otherwise, I fear you will be stuck just as I was in limbo hell waiting for him to make a decision, that he does not want to make. Link to comment
chasey Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I would keep your distance from him until he makes a decision about his gf. If he stays with her it might be best to end the friendshp altogether (even trying to stay friends, with both of you having feelings for the other, can lead to an emotional affair, which is just has harmful, if not more, than a physical affair). If he breaks up with her then you can choose if you want to be with him, knowing he might not be totally trustworthy. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 You did NOT find the right guy. Unless you feel taht a cheater is the right guy for you. Are you forgetting that part? No matter how charming he was, he was cheating on his g/f the entire time. Still sure this was the "right" guy? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I would never put myself in a position where a guy was either going to choose me or his current girlfriend. If he can do that to her, he can do it to you. Link to comment
i_win Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Oh wow, that's really nice of him. Did he consider the feelings of his girlfriend or you when he was having his fun? He seems like a standup guy - someone I'd want to have a beer with(sarcasm). Why is it that when all the proof and evidence you need to view this guy as a total loser is right in front of you and yet you have strong feelings for him? A cheat? A liar? I suggest you look into ways to improve your self esteem. And if my predictions are correct he will either a) keep dragging this on so that he can hook up with the fresh meat(you) and keep his girlfriend around as long as possible or b) Lie to you that they broke up when in fact she is still very much in the picture or c)both Players tend to lie a lot and will say whatever they need to say to keep as many people interested them as possible. You fell for it. Oh and you might want to get an STD check...there might be 2 or 3 others he is doing the same thing to. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Oh my goodness. I would cut all ties with him and move on as soon as possible. What he did to you is disrespectful to both you and his girlfriend. He doesn't deserve either of you and should not even give him the option to be with you at all. He is cheating on his girlfriend that he would have NEVER told you about..you had to find out for yourself. Do you really want this much drama this EARLY into the "relationship" Trust me girl as much as it sucks let him go right now. Trust me on this one. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 i re-read the title. how is this the right guy again? i still don't see it. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Welcome to a window into your life about 4 years from now...IF...he chooses you. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Im dealing with the same thing, but Im a guy. Works both ways unfortunately. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 So he's been with the other girl for 4 years and all they do is fight, so why is he still with her? I think you need to step back entirely and tell him his decision needs to be based on whether that other girl is right for him or not, and he needs to make a decision there and stick to it, whether that is re-commit to the girlfriend or break up with her. And then I wouldn't see him at all unless he does break up with her. You don't want to get caught up in the death throes of another relationship as it gets very messy and you could get seriously hurt if he waffles back and forth. Link to comment
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