justshine Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Thanks everyobdy for the advice and support given so far it really has been a big help and for those wanting some background check my post history.. So basically Im faced with a dilemma as both me and my ex both work at the same job together. Its nothing serious like an office job that would effect or perormance, just a local walmart. However it makes it nearly impossible for us to go NC. Ive read some advice that says to keep it strictly work related in this situation and I did try doing that at first but we both work right beside eachother and theres times where she would sit beside me on my break. We both end up having good talks when we speak and Im able to speak to her without getting emotional or anything and she has actualy been fliratious/ touchy when weve been talking lately. My qustion is this unhealthy? She has expressed interest in wanting to get back together everntually but wanted to take things slow however I told her I wouldnt be able to start it off by jsut being casual and meeting up as friends and sees what happens. Is this perhaps a good way to slowly build the relationship up again as Im not going out of my way to call her or meet up with her as a "friend" but we do have a good time when we hang out on breaks and such at work. As always your guys input is greatly welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 In my experience with getting back with ex's where things started out "slow" they did not remain that way. We ended up right back to where we were almost right away. If you want to get over this girl, you might wanna find a new job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 If you can handle it emotionally, which will be very tough, have a go at it. Go out on dates, have fun. That's taking it slow. See where it goes. Did you two discuss and address your issues why you split? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefy1972 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 The short answer is yes this is unhealthy. You may think that your conversations are good and fun and wholesome, but somewhere in the pit of your stomach, you make them out to be more than they really are because you want to get back with this girl. In the meantime, she is loving the attention she gets from you, and she don't have to do anything in return. She is getting your affection at little to no cost of her own emotional investment. The only way she is ever going to want to come back to you is after she has lost you. Yes that means at work too. I was in your same shoes my friend. Find another woman to hang out with at lunch. Leave the place for lunch if you have to. Just stay away from her, otherwise, you are making this entirely too easy on her while you are killing yourself. Totally unhealthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justshine Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 If you can handle it emotionally, which will be very tough, have a go at it. Go out on dates, have fun. That's taking it slow. See where it goes. Did you two discuss and address your issues why you split? Well at first she told me it was just a lack of communication at times, and she was going through alot of problems with her family. We tried giving it another go about a week after which I think may have been too soon as it just didnt feel right. I asked her where we stood and she said she wasnt sure yet so I decided it was best if I gave her more space and she agreed that it would be best if she waited till she knew what she wanted forsure although she still really wanted to continue to hang out and do things together. Its now been a week since then.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well at first she told me it was just a lack of communication at times, and she was going through alot of problems with her family. We tried giving it another go about a week after which I think may have been too soon as it just didnt feel right. I asked her where we stood and she said she wasnt sure yet so I decided it was best if I gave her more space and she agreed that it would be best if she waited till she knew what she wanted forsure although she still really wanted to continue to hang out and do things together. Its now been a week since then.. After reading this I now agree with keefy1972. You need to walk away, completely away until she figures out what she wants. Your actually enabling her behavior because you’re there at her whim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefy1972 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I second that IMAbadman! Amen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justshine Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 The thing is I dont want to appear that Im not able to handle not having a conversation with her, and also that I dont care about her because I still do. I know its a tricky situation but how about light contact with out going in to anything too deep? And the thing is I havent once gone out of my way to talk to her she always the one initiating... I know alhought its probably the best thing to do its just very hard to just ignore her when shes around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefy1972 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 What you're doing now is convincing yourself its okay to continue the relationship as is. Thats called denial. What you need to do, for your own emotional health, is get away from her and let her figure things out. Tell her if you must, but for things to continue as they have isn't healthy, and she has to understand that. If she gets pissed, then she is just being selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justshine Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 What you're doing now is convincing yourself its okay to continue the relationship as is. Thats called denial. What you need to do, for your own emotional health, is get away from her and let her figure things out. Tell her if you must, but for things to continue as they have isn't healthy, and she has to understand that. If she gets pissed, then she is just being selfish. I really do unerstand what your saying and I am going to try to keep my distance. The only reason Im having doubts about doing so is because things have bn going real well on both side and I can tel there is attraction going on both sides. I know ignoring her will let her sort things out and possibly make her miss me, but if thats the case I dont want her to get back with me just because she missses me. Is it not possible for us to just continue just talking at work occasianally and I wont be putting much stock in it. I just want her to be with me for who I am and not because Im ignoring her if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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