zenbabyk Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 He is 40, and I'm 21. We have a great connection, and although age doesn't seem to bother us, we talk about it now and again. We have been seeing eachother for about a month, and are comfortably in the just dating category. I do like him, but my friends and family keep telling me that I am just settling. (I recently got out of a few bad relationships.) We are not keeping this a secret at all. He has met a lot of my friends, and I have met a lot of his. I actually work with his sister, and she came up to me the other day saying "My brother thinks that you are a honey, and he can't stop gushing about you..." But now i need your opinion. Is 40 too old for me? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Absolutely. Gross. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't think it's a good idea. What the heck is someone that old dating someone so much younger? Link to comment
ryan123 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 When your in your sexual prime hes going to be wearing depends and popping viagra to keep up...Thats if his heart allows it....I wouldn't...Your setting yourself up for a disappointing sex life. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 What we think really doesnt matter. Does he make you feel good about yourself? Has he supported you in your decisions and actions? Does he have the morals, values and ethics that you want in a date? You obviously have an interest in him since you are dating him. Age only matters, if you make it matter. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 What we think really doesnt matter. Does he make you feel good about yourself? Has he supported you in your decisions and actions? Does he have the morals, values and ethics that you want in a date? You obviously have an interest in him since you are dating him. Age only matters, if you make it matter. Yes, you are correct. But there's something imature about a man who dates someone 20 years younger...issues that will probably come out as time progresses. Link to comment
McLovin oo7 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I really dont think it is good idea. 19 years gap is too much. Link to comment
jettison Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Man, there are some serious haters on this thread. "Old people... gross!!!!" If you feel good about life, and you feel good about yourself when you're with this person then you probably have it better then 80% of the mofos on these boards. No one else should be telling you what you should do with your love life. They don't know you. They don't know him. They don't know what makes your heart either sing or melt into an abyss. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well at your age hon, I wouldn't have ever looked at a 40 year old guy... I mean, heck you are still young and should be mingling with peeps your own age. However, it's your life...your choice when it comes down to it. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I agree that its up to you... However she did ASK us, jett. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Plus I'm an "old" person!!! Link to comment
jettison Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I agree that its up to you... However she did ASK us, jett. I guess it depends on her intent for asking. It's between, "Would you do it if it were you" vs. "Is it just wrong to do it?" One is a question of personal taste while the other is a question of whether it's ok to buck a societal norm. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I guess it depends on her intent for asking. It's between, "Would you do it if it were you" vs. "Is it just wrong to do it?" One is a question of personal taste while the other is a question of whether it's ok to buck a societal norm. I think it goes beyond that. I think a 21 year old and 40 year old are in totally different mental places. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I better not answer.....lol...being OLD myself. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I better not answer.....lol...being OLD myself. Not to us OTHER old people!!! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Man, there are some serious haters on this thread. "Old people... gross!!!!" I didn't say "old people... gross!" I'm 30 myself. IMO 19 years age difference is disgusting and I'm entitled to my opinion as are you. 21 - 40 31 - 50 41 - 60 51 - 70 Quite frankly, I think that the differences in all of these are too huge to overcome. However - 40 and 21... well let's just say I'd think it's as bad as a 30 year old dating an 11 year old. The mentality - immaturity levels as well as experience with life and growth are far too much and it makes my stomach turn. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 However - 40 and 21... well let's just say I'd think it's as bad as a 30 year old dating an 11 year old. The immaturity levels as well as experience with life and growth are far too much. Exactly!! ITG!! Link to comment
Catdancer Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 A good friend of mine is 22 years younger than her husband. Right now he is 72 and she is 50. They have 2 gorgeous kids, a productive business that they run together, yes he still works, and they have a breautiful farm that, again, they take care of together. They got married when she was 22 and he was 44. They have a great marriage. Link to comment
russ978 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 21 year old with a 40 year old? Does he have facebook? Watch Lost? Is he able to interact with your friends without giving off the weird 'dad vibe?' Does he dance? 21 year old with a 40 year old...if one of my 23 year old sisters brought home a 40 year old, he would receive a very cold welcome...what do your parents think? Too big an age gap in my opinion and issues will start to come out of the woodwork over time in my opinion. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Let's just say that most 40 year olds have very little in common with 20 year olds and that is a huge difference in life experience and life phase. It doesn't mean it can't work, but it comes with a lot more challenges than a couple who are in roughly the same life stage would. Frequently the younger person admires the older person and/or worships them, and the older person gets off on the worship. As the younger person grows and develops more opinions and confidence, the older person may try to stifle that because they still want to be worshiped, while the younger person starts to feel trapped and stifled. That is a fairly common arc with large age gaps. The other thing that happens is at 20/40 the physical differences aren't that intense other than wrinkles or a little gray hair. But the difference is very noticeable at 30/50, and extremely noticeable at 40/60. There are many very sad people who have a huge age gap that were fine for 10-15 years, but now they are still sexually vital while losing their attraction to their partner and also losing the vibrant sex life. So there are consideration that matter more if you think this will be a long term relationship. If you just want to date for a while and have fun that is fine, but i'd think long and hard before marriage. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 There is a whole generation of difference there, a whole generation of experience. He was an adult man when you were born. There has to be common values and goals. The goals are not always the same at 21 that they are at 40. He may be gushing because he is flattered a younger woman is paying attention. At 40 you become aware that you are NOT immortal and time is passing somewhat. You miss the past a bit and sometimes want to be there, that may be the pull for him. He may want to revist his past. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ^^^ Well Stated BSBH and Vic! ^^^ Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 You know something...you are one smart cookie!!! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 21 year old with a 40 year old? Does he have facebook? Watch Lost? Is he able to interact with your friends without giving off the weird 'dad vibe?' Does he dance? 21 year old with a 40 year old...if one of my 23 year old sisters brought home a 40 year old, he would receive a very cold welcome...what do your parents think? Too big an age gap in my opinion and issues will start to come out of the woodwork over time in my opinion. LOL...yeah I am still HIP at almost 42. I do not look 42 nor do I act it. Inside I am still 16. Link to comment
Mutley Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Yea, but ya gotta watch them "still crazy after all these years" types too!! Link to comment
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