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My girlfriend of ONLY 1 month and I are having issues. She told me 2 weeks ago, she got high at a party with some friends. I told her im not into that scene and honestly not sure id be comfortable with her in it either. She countered with it was a one time thing.


Then last weekend I found out she did it again at another party. I dropped it, didnt make a big deal out of it.


Now last night, she added me as a friend on myspace. I told her instantly im not sure if its a great idea because myspace just causes drama. She asked me elaborate and I told her there were some jealousy issues on both ends for me and my past ex that actually lead to our break up, so im not a big myspace fan. She instantly assumed I was jealous and kept telling me she does have guys trying to flirt but i dont have to worry. I told her i wasnt jealous or worrying, and she didnt believe me...


So this instantly lead back to the other problem. I decide to accept the request, and sure enough comments as recent as yesterday a bunch of guys talking about "smoking up" with her this weekend. So I decided to call her out on it, and said that I dont like it, and not sure I want to date somebody in that scene.


She tried to give me reassurance that she doesnt do it, and wouldnt lie to me that she does...which just seems like a blantent lie in itself, so I ignored her.


Now this sort of veers off because its not truly involved in the story but its what caused me to start a thread seeing if im over paranoid or have a legit reason to be upset. She knows im on a softball team, she wanted to come to my game last week, but she instead went to her school's soccer game..(could have "smoked up" instead for all I know). Well now she planned on going to my game tonight, but this morning I told her im sick and im not going tonight (which is 100% true), and she replied with "well good, me and my friends are going tonight anyway"


My first thought is...huh? These are like all of my best friends, and a bunch of people she doesnt know and have never met. I guess its good to see shes just going for the social scene outting instead of maybe actually going to see me.

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Agreed. Untrustworthy.


She has done nothing to try to assure you you've got nothing to worry about, which is a red flag.

While smoking up is completely her choice, you should not have to deal with it if it something you don't agree with. That is final. If you want to give it one last shot you tell her this is not something tolerable, and if she continues to do it it's over, and that's final.


The myspace thing, I think you have to get over yourself here. While I can see how the joking aobut the smoking will bother you, it's a community website- no big deal. If there's something you don't want to see, she should respect that and try to delete the posts or tell her friends to smarten up and not leave silly messages or flirty winky faces or whatever.


If she doesn't care to stop smoking, not put boundries in place for friends, and sell you out on your games she's not "gf material". BTW nowhere in your post do you even begin to describe what could make this worth the fight- which leads me to believe you don't think there is anything worth the fight.

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If neither of you can accept the other "as is", just the way you are, then it wont work. You're already getting on her for going out and getting "smoked up". She's getting on you because you're not into that scene.


It's really early on, so it might be best to just get out before you really develop feelings.

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She obviously likes to smoke weed, and is obviously lying to you about it.


Lots of people who are into weed classify it as harmless fun in their minds and not as an illegal drug. They understand that other people may see it as a drug and not like it, but they themselves like it and think it is no big deal and hence they should do it when/if they please. They know if it doesn't play well with someone they just don't talk about it or lie about it if caught.


So she's someone who is minimizing her own behavior because she thinks it's no big deal, and lying because she wants both you and her weed. But since lying is acceptable to her, you can't really trust what she may lie about.


I'd break it off and find someone who neither smoked nor lied.

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You guys are right and im going to see how things go through this weekend. Reason being, I know theres no way around not seeing her. We both be at the same going away party for our neighbor on saturday so id rather avoid that even worse breakup awkwardness.So i might just start fresh on monday.

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Agreed with others - though there may be physical chemistry you both do not seem like an emotional match for one another... And again as others have said, she does seem to have some sketchy attitudes & behaviors.


Dating is often used to see if there is any longer term potential. The time where we gather all of the info. about one another by interacting & spending time together.


Sometimes it is where we find it just isn't meant to be. In a way, it is good to know this so early in.


Take care.

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I think the issue here is that we agreed to commitment so early on. We had a drunken night that turned physical while we were still strangers, but both realized we wanted more than a one night stand afterwards. So now its become almost a committed dating situation to where we are still feeling each other out.


My issue is I have not incorporated enough kino during our dates the past two weeks, which im kicking myself for, and shes probably losing attraction because of it. Which in fact could be causing her seeing higher value in hanging out with her friends than me recently.


I gotta turn this thing around.

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Not sure what "kino" is but it seems that you have really good insight into what the "problem" might be - that's great.


It also seems as though you are interested enough to want to try to turn it around...


Wishing you the best with it - hope it becomes something you both enjoy.

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Kino is touching. Initiating kino (touching) is important to get a girl comfortable with accepting you in her physical space. It can be anything from lightly touching her leg if she tells you a joke that you laugh at. Or holding her hand, or putting your arm around her, that kind of stuff...

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Thanks for explaining... Yes, when I like someone I really, really like them to touch me in those ways & I actually specifically look for those cues as at least one way to gage their interest in me. I know not all people (men in my case)are touchers though... On the flip side I am a very touchy female in the "kino" sense when I like someone...


Anyway again, you sound on the ball with things....


Happy kino

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Just as I suspected...Kino worked perfect and it openen her up totally. All I had to do was grab her hand while we were watching the movie on the couch, and next thing she was grabbing on to my arm and laying on my shoulder.


However I did make another mistake, and i think I overstayed the welcome for a bit too long. Obviously she didnt say "can you leave", but I got the sense toward the end she was getting tired and I stuck it out for about a half hour or 45 minutes longer before she gave the "alright im gonna head off to bed now." So thats the next thing Im going to work on.

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