Please help me figure out...

[pixie102]

I've been seeing this really great guy for 3 months now. We've known each other longer than that. I first met him 9 years ago. We met through a mutual friend in college. We only saw each other a handful of times back then. Then 2 years ago, after his prompting of our mutual friend, she tried to hook us up. He was in another state though at the time, so nothing ever came of it.

 

Fast forward to now, we are living in the same area, and have been dating. I really like him. A lot.

 

My dilemma? I'm going crazy over this. He's a military guy so he's going to be leaving this winter for a year--then after that he will get stationed somewhere! We haven't really talked about what that means for our relationship since it's so far ahead from now. But I can't help but wonder if in the back of his mind he has an expiration date on this relationship since he will be leaving or if he will want to continue the relationship.

 

This week (the last 5 days) has been rough for me because he had to go out of town for said military stuff. I've only talked to him twice on the phone. He is where he used to live right now, doing the military thing, hanging out with friends (including girl friends). He's driving back Wednesday, but I won't get to see him until saturday! A week and a half since I've seen him!

 

I really don't want to broach the subject of him leaving yet since we are only 3 months in.

 

However, something that has bothering me lately is that he is not very affectionate with me. Well, actually I guess he is. He just doesn't initiate sex with me. We have already had it too. I know he likes me and is attracted to me...I'm just not sure why he doesn't initiate sex. He shows me he likes me, we always make plans together, do things, talk, kiss, I know I'm his girlfriend, but he doesn't *say* things to me either.

 

Is being verbal about how he feels about me just as important than showing me how he feels about me?? Or is him showing me all that should matter? Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm his girlfriend because of this. I don't know why this matters to me.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me? Or similar experience?

[i_win]

I can't say I have any experience in this area so take it with a grain of salt. First, there is a big difference being affectionate and initiating sex. Maybe tease him and flirt with him until he has no choice, but to initiate or simply tell him that you love it and it turns you on when a man takes charge and doesn't ask for permission. Tell him it turns you on.

 

Now for a separate issue. Leaving for a year and then getting stationed somewhere probably not close to you doesn't seem like an ideal situation for a couple that only recently started dating 3 months ago and I think it would be really unreasonable for you to expect him to change or modify any of his current plans for military service. And with only 3 months to go on, it's difficult to tell if this relationship has any real chance or not since you two are both still in the honeymoon phase.

 

I just don't see how a relationship that is so new would be able to withstand that situation. After only 6 months away you will have been without eachother twice as long as you two have been with eachother.

 

But my grandparents managed to stick together while he was fighting in ww2 for 5 years. So it all comes down to how badly you two want it and how much you potential you both see the two of you having in the future.

 

At some point you will have to have an honest sit down talk and find out if this is something you two would want to consider or not. I don't think it's even worth a second chance if he isn't 100% into the idea. You can't force it one bit - that's for sure.