MontaEllis Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Why are women so nitpicky and drama starting. I have been dating a girl for over 6 months. We're really close, and 'in love' or whatever you want to call it. So, on Saturday I'm driving and she tells me to turn left, then this guy starts honking at me all the while I am the only one who sees 2 bikers coming through the interseciton. Needless to say I got annoyed and a little curt with her. She clams up and we have a 30 minute argument over it....so doesn't want to be 'abused' or hurt by anyone. So, today we're on the phone. She asked me about some specific credit card question about improving credit. I have recently improved my credit through lots of research, so I start telling her how to and not to hold a bad debt to credit ration etc. Then she gets all annoyed and cuts me off and says "that's not the question i asked". Then, she says she doesn't like me tone and it just goes down hill from there. Can someone please explain what is going on here? I'm trying to help her and give her advice, and she freaks out and says I'm giving her advice wrong. I don't know how do deal with this. I love her, but I just feel like everything I say she can just take it the wrong way and explode for no reason. I refuse to walk around on eggshells and I refuse to have someone be nitpicky on me and overanalyze me. So it's a big deal. Any thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h0pelessr0mantic Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Sit her down and talk to her. If this is new behaviour.....then it may not be you, it may be her. I think when people start blowing up for no reason, they are looking for flaws in the relationship or they are going through a rough time in their life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stars_n_Guitars Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Well, women and men communicate differently. I can have a conversation with my guy friend and his girlfriend and she'll understand every word I say, and exactly what I'm meaning. He, on the other hand, is completely confused! I have no idea how to help you but to say LISTEN to her more carefully. And if you don't understand what she's trying to say, ask her what she means. Explain to her that it doesn't help when she makes a big deal out of you not answering a question to her standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom1607307597 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm not sure if this advice is kind of outdated (i.e. I picked this up from Women are From Venus, Men are From Mars), but women don't always want "the problem solver" in a relationship. This is straight from Wikipedia: "An example of the theories it (the book) offers is that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions." So you could say men and women sometimes say the same thing, but mean completely different things. Women and men these days aren't exactly the same as when the book was written though, so take it with a grain of salt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_win Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It could be an attempt to establish personality dominance early on in the relationship. I think some people do this subconsciously. These little fights and then her cutting you off without resolving the issue makes you then come back to her and apologize even though she is the one that blew up. You go back and apologize and because you are the one apologizing it validates her position in the relationship. I could be completely off, but I had an ex do this a lot and I realized later it was simply so that I would go back to her and tell her how sorry I was just to ignore(not resolve) the issue and I think she eerily fed off of this as positive attention and later she used this argument as validation in future arguments. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It could be an attempt to establish personality dominance early on in the relationship. I think some people do this subconsciously. These little fights and then her cutting you off without resolving the issue makes you then come back to her and apologize even though she is the one that blew up. You go back and apologize and because you are the one apologizing it validates her position in the relationship. I could be completely off, but I had an ex do this a lot and I realized later it was simply so that I would go back to her and tell her how sorry I was just to ignore(not resolve) the issue and I think she eerily fed off of this as positive attention and later she used this argument as validation in future arguments. Just a thought. Yep, I think this is about feeling in control. By the way, it's not just women who do this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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