Should I date him or to respect my ex?

[littlemissme]

My ex and I broke up last October. I have kept in touch with his best friend just as friends. We have hung out, he’s done favors for me I’ve done favors for him, nothing sexual.

 

It had been a couple of months since I heard form my ex’s best friend and he called me out of the blue to tell me that he would be going away for 6 months (military). I was invited to his going away party, had a great time, then we went out just us to catch up. We had a great time once again, he got a girl number I congratulated him. I drove him home, he got out of the car we said goodbye, I started to leave and he ran after my car and kissed me!

 

I was awestruck, I left right away, we talked the next day, and we haven’t stopped talking. I realize that I’m walking a very thin line. I would never think of doing something like this, but there are so many things about him that I like. We seem to compliment each other in so many ways. I feel completely comfortable with him.

 

I have tried to talk myself out of this, literally thinking of every reason not to talk or see him. Everything I think of I refute. Now I need advise. What would be the best way going about this? I don’t want to ruin a friendship. I would like for us to be happy without friends shunning us, or him loosing his best friend, he acts like he doesn’t care but I would rather him have his friend and explore us as a couple as well.

[i_win]

There are other guys out there. Who broke off the relationship?

[littlemissme]

He broke it off. He is very happy with another woman. Trust me we never even thought something like this would happen. We really were only friends.

[i_win]

I would say go for it then.

[littlemissme]

The only thing I can do is hope that when he leaves this will disipate and everything will go back to normal. I do know there are other guys out there and this is completely against what i would normally ever do. That's why I'm asking for advice.

[Massari]

what kind of best friend is he?? lol I mean I would never date my best friend's ex. no matter how much i like her. If you date him, your ex would be upset but but it is because his best friend and what he did and not because of you, this a question for him. the best friend should have posted here asking if it is ok to date his best friend's ex! do you know what I mean? so think about it and evaluate the guy and the situation before jumping into anything,

[i_win]

what kind of best friend is he?? lol I mean I would never date my best friend's ex. no matter how much i like her. If you date him, your ex would be upset but but it is because his best friend and what he did and not because of you, this a question for him. the best friend should have posted here asking if it is ok to date his best friend's ex! do you know what I mean? so think about it and evaluate the guy and the situation before jumping into anything,

 

Same, it might be a sign of a character flaw IMO. If he's willing to date a bf's ex then this is a sign of some flaws in his moral code.

[littlemissme]

That's why I'm here....think about this for a minute. We have been friends (my ex's best friend) for two years. This wasn't ment to happen and I'm sure he cares about it, but he really likes me just as much as I like him. this is very hard for both of us. He's consulted his family, I'm asking for advice here.

 

If he didn't care her would never have talked to his family about it. They tell him "if the shoe didn't fit for him that doesn't mean it will not fit you." He's going by what his family tells him. I'm asking people (men) even woman what do you think? Bias vs unbias. Lets try and keep the unbias here. I care for him enough to make sure he doesn't loose a friend and if it has to be without me so be it.

 

Has anyone ever been through this and ended up still friends in the end? Plus how did your friend disclose this information to you?

[Mythical_Suicide]

NEVER date your ex's friends, too many problems can arise. Besides, he's going off to the military he might only be looking for a short time thing, is that what you want?

[littlemissme]

We talked about that as well, no short term thing, he's even ok with no sex until he gets back. I know this man all to well, him without sex is like a whale beached. He's smitten, I have never seen him in this fashion.

 

He use to talk to me about all the girls he would persue, like I said this is so confusing for me. He's willing to wait until he gets home. Wants to hang out see how everything goes. He did a 180, since he actually got to know me as a person instead of his best friends ex.

 

Once we started to catch up and talk about just me as a person not me and my ex, he looked at me in a different way. Two week ago I would have never even thought of dating a person like him.

[Massari]

 

Has anyone ever been through this and ended up still friends in the end? Plus how did your friend disclose this information to you?

 

Ok I can tell you this, I have been in a situation a little similar to this, and this is how I handled it but then it would be you're ex's best friend's job to do it. My ex was my cousin's crush. when I say cousin i mean first cousin and he is my brother basically, grew up together. He told me about his crush before, he asked her out and she said no. they were friends, at the time i had a gf so i didn't really talk to her that much.

 

Me and my girlfriend ( ex ex) broke up and I stated hang out with my cousin and the girl (my ex) got to know each other better. I pushed my feelings aside from her that she was off limits and i couldn't do anything with her becasue of my cousin. But sometimes you can't control and maybe this is the case for you too. and we were hanging out one night and we eneded up kissing each other. But i told her before anything happens i need to talk to my cousin to make sure he is ok with it.

 

You see my cousin and her never really went out and had a date, but still considered his feelings. I talke to him he said it is totally ok and I am over her and he was happy for me. Her response was that he shouldn't be upset about this since she told him before that she only likes him like a brother and nothing more.

 

so this maybe a little similar to yours . but then they were never in a relationship.

 

so this might help you alittle how to handle the situation maturely.

[renaissancewoman101]

Is there an unwritten rule about not dating friends' of ex's?

[Massari]

Is there an unwritten rule about not dating friends' of ex's?

yeah you could say that. I would like to call it a "Fround Upon" situation.

[Mythical_Suicide]

We talked about that as well, no short term thing, he's even ok with no sex until he gets back. I know this man all to well, him without sex is like a whale beached. He's smitten, I have never seen him in this fashion.

 

He use to talk to me about all the girls he would persue, like I said this is so confusing for me. He's willing to wait until he gets home. Wants to hang out see how everything goes. He did a 180, since he actually got to know me as a person instead of his best friends ex.

 

Once we started to catch up and talk about just me as a person not me and my ex, he looked at me in a different way. Two week ago I would have never even thought of dating a person like him.

 

Ever thought maybe he's just telling you what you want to hear to get with you? If he is really a "friend" to your ex he wouldn't even be trying to pursue you. I'm not saying that is how he is, because I don't know him but it just seems like he has been waiting for this opportunity to go after you and get what he wants from you if he's so quick to jump on the bandwagon.

[ImThatGirl]

I'm confused here. The response are what I'd expect to hear if this man persued her immediately after she and his best friend split.

 

Isn't it possible that over time, they got to know each other and grew fond of each other?

 

How long were you and your ex together? How long have they known each other? How do you think your ex would react?

[littlemissme]

my ex and I were together for about a year, it's been almost a year since hie's broken it off and he's happy with another woman. My ex and his bf have been friends for about 3 years. Since my ex has been seeing this woman himand his BF haven't really spoken that much (it happens when people are in a relationship). I don't know if he's doing this for any other reason. He's leaving for 3-6months, he might not be back for a year. He wants to take it all slow and he's offered to talk to my ex, his BF. I feel that we should wait until he comes home incase things change. Not sure if that's a mature thing to do but if things change he won't loose a BF.