stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 The other night this guy I've been seeing told me he liked me and that he'd never met someone like me before and that things could develop between us , i was a little tipsy and just shook his comment off and said "aww you're cute" because I felt like he was just saying it to get into my pants. And then he retorded "what you think i'm cute in a d*ckhead way" and I just laughed but didn't reply. We spoke on the phone this evening and I said to him that I had been a little tipsy on friday and said some stupid stuff and I wanted to know what he meant when he said he liked me, did he just mean it physically or something else. He said "I don't know, what do you think?" and I said "I thought you just meant that you liked me physically, am I right?" and he said "I'm don't know, I'm not sure, I don't really like talking about this kinda stuff on the phone, i'll tell you when I see you in person, I'll probably see you around soon anyway?". And then I said "you probably wont, I don't really hang out with your lot much" and then he said "well if i'm out this weekend i'll call you." what the hell?? Is this a brush off, was he just trying to avoid hurting my feelings? And why would someone be uncomfortable about this on the phone?! Looking back when I asked him I think I might have had a slight accussatory tone to my voice which could have made him feel like I wanted him to just say that he liked me physically and not admit to liking me more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 "you don't hang out with his lot much"? What on earth was that supposed to mean? that sounded terrible, like you are better than him. Or did you mean something else? Hopefully he didn't take it to mean the way it sounded to me. You seem to be drinking a lot stranded. You have gotten yourself in some situations due to this already, i hope you are careful. At any rate i think you didn't handle the phone convo very well and left the guy confused or thinking maybe he shouldn't bother. If you had an accusatory tone when asking i am sure he wans't real keen on continuing the conversation, no wonder he said he didn't want to discuss it over the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Huh...sorry, but it sounds like a typical male who was looking for an opportunity to get in your pants. If he really liked you, he could have asked you out on a date instead of "I'll see you around this weekend." Just my take on it. My best to you ~Allie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 omg, are you serious? the guy is trying to spend time with him. you aren't giving him anything. and you say 'cute'? don't tell guys that and not explain. you sound like you are brushing yourself off and doing a good job of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Huh...sorry, but it sounds like a typical male who was looking for an opportunity to get in your pants. If he really liked you, he could have asked you out on a date instead of "I'll see you around this weekend." Just my take on it. My best to you ~Allie i dunno, sometimes i want to hang out with a girl before i really want to take her on a date. but i usually hang out with them that first night and know if i want to take them out or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 You seem to be drinking a lot stranded. You have gotten yourself in some situations due to this already, i hope you are careful.. I had two glasses of wine that is hardly drinking a lot. I was sober for the most part, just a combination of being at a rock concert for three hours and having about 5 hours sleep the night before plus two glasses of wine didn't make me very alert or aware of what I was saying. But don't worry I didn't let him do anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 It's best not to try to qualify compliments, even in your mind. It just doesn't come to any good. Sure, it's smart to realize that when someone is complimenting you, especially a guy, it could mean that he has very clear motives. Then again, it could be that he has something more in mind. You just never know. But if you make him qualify his feelings, whatever they may be, before his feelings have even had the chance to grow and mature, then it's a pretty great way to kill those feelings in him and quick. No one wants to be pushed to feel anything, or to make any grand proclimations about how they feel before they even know exactly what it is they feel. People's emotions aren't static. Every flower starts as a seed. You're pretty much saying, "Unless I know exactly how beautiful this rose will be, I'm not interested in putting the seeds in the ground, watering the soil, and then being patient while it grows. Not jumping to conclusions and showing romantic patience can sometimes go a long, long way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 "you don't hang out with his lot much"? What on earth was that supposed to mean? that sounded terrible, like you are better than him. Or did you mean something else? Hopefully he didn't take it to mean the way it sounded to me. No we don't have the same friends, I meant it as in, the likelyhood of us bumping into eachother is slim because I rarely see his friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 No we don't have the same friends, I meant it as in, the likelyhood of us bumping into eachother is slim because I rarely see his friends. which is why I thought if he was interested, he could have asked you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Oh god your so right, I didn't mean to sound accusatory, I just realised that I might like him too and at the time I regarded his comment as nothing but then I thought about it and realised maybe he had meant something and i'd been cruel without even intending to be cruel. I guess I probably made him feel uncomfortable which is dumb of me, argh I don't know how to apologize for this or maybe it is too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 which is why I thought if he was interested, he could have asked you out. We've already been on several dates. I think I made him feel too awkward to ask me out again ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 We've already been on several dates. I think I made him feel too awkward to ask me out again ](*,) OH! I did not know that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsMeeoow Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Ok I'm assuming he is 17 too??? This is a typical convo of a 17yr old... who wants to cop to feelings first... no one... you're so shy and nervous. But by the time you are 40 you're willing to put yourself out there more... you know what REAL embarrassment is and you don't worry as much to who puts what out there first! I think in context of age... he WAS talking to and the way he puts the question back on you "what do you think" is a typical shy guy response. PS - just be careful with alcohol at your age! =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Huh...sorry, but it sounds like a typical male who was looking for an opportunity to get in your pants. If he really liked you, he could have asked you out on a date instead of "I'll see you around this weekend." Just my take on it. My best to you ~Allie There is such a huge, grand divide going on sometimes between men and women. It's really strange to think that women immediately add the word "just" to "want to get in my pants". It's like an afterthought. If a guy sees a woman, and he's attracted to her, then it's in his nature to want to get in her pants on some level. It's just biology. If men didn't function like this then none of us would even exist because breeding would come to a global, screeching halt. But just because a man wants to "get in your pants", it doesn't mean that that's all he wants to do. And likewise, it doesn't mean that he doesn't just want to have sex with you. If he doesn't know you all that well, then I doubt that most men really know exactly what they want. It's a process. It's a dance. It's something that takes time to mature. I don't know how women can expect to guy to just know "I'm going to get married to her and raise two perfect children" vs. "I want to just have sex with her" within a date or two. How can you know? It's impossible. If you've only been on a few dates, then both parties are still using their happy-go-lucky social masks, and you see the very best sides of them. You have no idea how they are in more private quarters, when they're not at their best, when they're grumpy, when things aren't going well, when their character is tested, when they are forced make tough decisions. So how can a guy think to make any kind of social commitment if he doesn't know yet who he would be committing to? Is it basically, "Unless this guy I'm dating can learn to read my mind, and foretell the future, and unless he can do it by next Wednesday... I'm done with him!!!" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranded247 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Ok I'm assuming he is 17 too??? This is a typical convo of a 17yr old... who wants to cop to feelings first... no one... you're so shy and nervous. But by the time you are 40 you're willing to put yourself out there more... you know what REAL embarrassment is and you don't worry as much to who puts what out there first! I think in context of age... he WAS talking to and the way he puts the question back on you "what do you think" is a typical shy guy response. PS - just be careful with alcohol at your age! =) Yeah he is 17 but the thing is he is not generally shy, he'll put his arm round me and kiss me but I guess feelings are probably a whole different matter for guys. I have not been told by a guy that they like me for such a long time that I don't think I know how to deal with it very well even though its the words I always want to hear I still needed reassurance almost, like what does he mean by "I like you"-he could just have meant he thought that I was pretty or nice but argh i think I may have screwed this up if he did like me emotionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Well, I was just trying to answer her question the best I could with the facts I had ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Well, I was just trying to answer her question the best I could with the facts I had ;-) I know, "I rant, thereforee I am." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 i know, "i rant, thereforee i am." lol....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evalia82 Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 It sounds a little bit like neither of you are very comfortable talking about this kind of thing. He'd probably summoned up a lot of courage to say that to you in the first place, and now neither of you really know how to take the conversation forward! You both sound a bit like rabbits in the headlights, caught offguard and needing time to formulate and articulate your thoughts. Probably best to meet up puposefully to talk it through and both just agree to be brave and say what you mean, and help each other through the conversation if it's difficult. Much easier said than done, I know. That kind of conversation is something I know I can't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Stranded, Hi it looks like you are having a bit more luck. This isn't the end of the world. He put himself out there and didn't get the response he was hoping for. Call him and ask him out for something in a quite place so you can talk. You will probably have to put yourself out there first now as he is a little butt hurt and will wait and see what you say first. I know you can do it since you have before. You know how hard it is to put yourself out there so you know how it feels when it doesn't go as planned. Good luck P.S. the sooner the better! lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 I think he was just at the stage of trying to engage in some flirting, and you made the jump to a 'serious' discussion pretty quick, with your subtext being, 'are you just after my body or do you liiiiiikkkkkkke me?' I wouldn't have those kind of discussions with someone until you've been on several one on one dates, and it gets to the point where you have more information about him to know better what he meant and wheter he is interested in you. Don't try to take it too seriously too soon, or it will scare people off. He could be thinking, it was just some flirting and is she now accusing me of only being after her body and asking where i like her and i don't even really know her? Get to know him first, and remember that you DO have control over your body and don't have to have any sexual relations with him until you are really sure he is interested in you as a person and not just your body. So don't drag out the heavy talk too soon, just spend some time together and see what his actions are. If he really likes you as a person he will spend good amounts of time with you and not pressure you into bed too soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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