jeepfanatic Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Let me take the time now to thank anyone who may read through this entire post and/or respond. I will try to go into as much detail as I can without being overly verbose, but I have a feeling it will be somewhat long. Also, I'm not 100% certain that this is the best forum for this post but it seemed the best fit. If it better belongs somewhere else please let me know. After about a month of building suspicions (various changes in her behavior including a huge increase in computer usage) that my girlfriend was cheating on me, I decided that I had to find out if something was going on. She had in the past given me the password to some of her email/other accounts online so on 8/18 I decided to login to her email to see if there was anything going on. What I discovered is that she had placed ads/profiles on multiple websites (craigslist, adult friend finder, etc...) looking for discrete sexual encounters and that she had been carrying on various levels of discourse with men (email, IM, voice calls and texting via cell phone). From reading the emails I discovered that she had met at least 3 of people who responded to the ads in person. This would be a simple decision to make were it not for the fact that she's currently 6 months pregnant with my unborn son (before you ask - I am fairly certain that the child is mine). We were talking of getting married and given that she had some medical problems that may complicate/prevent a pregnancy if we waited we decided to conceive a child. I was so upset/enraged that she would endanger myself, herself, and our unborn child by seeking out sex with people from the internet. I do not have words to properly express the pain and anguish that I've gone through in this ordeal. I confronted her about the situation that day and she denies everything and lied to my face about the entire thing. Over the next 10 days I gave her two more opportunities to come clean about the entire thing. I felt that if she would admit what she did and ask me for forgiveness that I could forgive her and move on. She repeatedly continued to lie and deny everything. (Something worth noting - my girlfriend has 4 children with her ex-husband to whom recently she lost custody due to abuse allegations - along with her appeal. I have only witnessed one incident in the 14 months we've been together that would raise any concern for physical abuse but in the last few months I've noticed an increase in what I would term verbal abuse towards the children when they visit every other weekend - i.e. put downs/insults and harsh unnecessary tones - something that I at first was attributing to pregnancy related hormones but now I'm somewhat more concerned.) During this 10 day period or so I did a lot of research into child custody laws and such and decided that if I wanted to be able to be present when my son is born and to later have a better shot at obtaining custody of him that I should stay living with my girlfriend and not move out so that it would not appear as if I had abandoned them. She asked me to not move out so I did not. It has been 5 days now since I decided not to move out and things between my girlfriend and me seem to be going well. I cutoff internet access at home (upon her request) and I have been monitoring her cell usage online and it appears that she has cut off communication with the men she was previously "conversing" with. My problem is though that I'm uncertain of how I feel about her and what I'm going to do after the baby is born. I still love my girlfriend but I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that she has now repeatedly lied to me and that she felt the need to go behind my back. I further examined the situation recently to try to identify where I could possibly place some of the blame for our situation on myself (I work 65 miles from home and stay at a friend's house a few nights a week to cut commute costs - so I'm not home all of the time - and also money has been very tight lately) but this doesn't justify what she did to me. Is it enough to move forward that she isn't doing this anymore but never having an apology for what she did? I also still have concerns related to the abusive language towards the other children and that she'd be that way towards my child. So if this post makes any sense to anybody ... what should I do? Part of me wants to stay with her after the baby is born and hope that a part of her behavior issues lately has been hormone related but at the same time part of me feels deeply betrayed and that I need to protect my child by getting him out of a possibly harmful environment. Again thanks to anyone who has managed to read and make sense of what I've said. There are details that I've left out but I think I got all of the most important ones down. Link to comment
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