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Is this a friendship? All we do is talk on the phone

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I met this guy a few months back... i guess it's been about 4 months now.....The very first nite we met, at a music jam, I suggested we go out and get somethign to eat and play some pool.

He agreed and after dropping him off at his car.. (he was parked pretty far from the place we played and walked me to his car, so I figured, why not?)... he followed me to the place we were going to get some food and, then, after pulling into the parking lot.. said he just got a call from one of his friends, who needed a ride desperately and he had to take off for a while.

He asked me to wait for him.. said it would only take about an hour... so I sat at this bar waiting all by myself.. I then got a call saying, he had to go way farther than he thought.. and he was not going to be able to make it back in time!!

I was sort of annoyed to be honest but did not say anythign cuz it was late by the time he called.... still... i could of gone out and had some fun by myself without sitting at some place all that time waiting for him to show up.

After that we started to talk on the phone alot... After a week or so, he asked me out for something to eat......It was fun.. but never told me he had a girlfriend until after our nite out!

He's a lot younger than me.. another thing I did not know.. and way too young to date.. but he's a cool person and someone I wouldn't mind hanging out with....

However.. that has been the only time we've gone out together or did anything with.... I have been out of town for about 7 weeks until a few days ago.. so... that plays a part I guess.. but..... the other nite I asked him to this place to see a friends band when I got back into town. He agreed to go with me...

He says he's willing to go, and to call and give him directions as he will be at work until later.. I go to the trouble of calling the place, getting the directions, then called him back with that... Does he show up?

Nope! As I was driving to the place myself.... I get this call that he's had a "bad nite" and is too depressed to come to the place my friends are playing out!

I know he was just dumped by his gf of several months (another long story)... but.... he got dumped at least 10 days before this nite out......He was sad the first day or so.. but seems perfectly ok for several days after that!

So... he's flaked out again on me! I'm really needing some FRIENDS... i.e. people who want to hang OUT with me, as I have had several deaths in my family lately, including my dog, and I'm really LONELY!

Well, it's nice to have someone to talk to on the phone, but i need COMPANY!

I told him I was disappointed he did not show up and I'm wondering how to handle this.....

Should I just come out and ask him.. look dude.. do all you want to be is phone friends? Cuz I need real friends..

To me.. being friends means hanging out together..

He's offered to make it up to me, right after he called to cancel, and asked if I wanted to go do something on Friday nite... but I was pretty disgusted and didn't really have the money to go out two nites in a row..

He's not offered to go anywhere with me since.....

I'm getting fed up really in a way.... I never thought all we would be is phone friends... and though I value his friendship and we've exchanged a lot of personal things with each other over the phone.. this is starting to feel like a sort of an insult.. like I'm not good enough to be his friend in real life.

I know for a fact his GF was alot older than him... actually she was about my age.. so it's not like he's age discriminating, but I've never had a "friend" who all they want to do is talk on the phone.

How do I approach this? Just say straight out.. look, I'm really lonely now. I need "real" friends, one who want to hang out IRL..... or just let it slide.. which seems stupid.

Like tonite I got stood up by this guy I had seen IRL over the weekend.. I was pretty upset as I was looking forward to hanging out with him again.. we seemed to have chemistry.

My friend, whom I really do not have chemistry with... had also stood me up earlier this week, and I mentioned that I had been stood up twice to him on the phone.. once by the guy I hang out with, and then by him, himself.. he just sort of said nothing about it.. and changed the subject.. but I'm not feeling appreciated and it's starting to depress me really!

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Well, now he's starting to cut in the little social life I do have in this town. I like to go out to the movies at nite sometimes... He never ever hardly calls me during the day, it's always always after 10 pm, often near midnite.


Last nite, I was contently sitting in the movies, ALONE, watching the new Indiana Jones Movie. great movie, btw, when I get this call from him at quarter to midnite!


Okay, this is getting too much! I know his hours at work and the place he works at closes at 9, so even calling me at 10 o'clock would be possible..

Also, does it EVER occur to him, I may have made OTHER plans.. seeing as he NEVER wants to get together and do anything?? I went to the movie ALONE....

I mean, do I really NEED a friend who does not want to hang out? Could that even be considered a friend.

Oh, on another note, I did not mention this earlier... While I was away on vacation, he disclosed me to, the woman he's dating is MARRIED! I was like, HUH???? but of course, I did not say anything, just listened. He claimes her hubby was OK with his wife dating another man.. but I'm starting to doubt it. He then told me, weeks later, taht a neighbor had come by and told the husband that his wife was steppign out on him!

So..... I'm so not sure about this guy and his values.. I feel creepy being friends with a guy who dates a married woman to be honest! They have since broken up... Thank godness, cuz I kept thinking, geez, if I do decide to get together and hang out with my friend, is the husband going to come after him??

Well, I'm supposed to be so understanding about him dating a married woman, but he's certainly not understanding that I need for him to call me at a decent hour.. and I need some COMPANY... not just these late nite phone calls.

I feel VERY disrespected at this point by this guy. I did get a call I think yesterday from him, in the MIDDLE of the day, how abnormal.... with him asking what I was up to.. but when I called back about 20 minutes later, he doesn't answer his phone!

I think I've had enogh..he's very young, and too young, I guess for a normal friendship.... and I think the way he's acted has annoyed me one too many times.

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Yesterday was the crowning blow I think. I have not done ONE thing with him in MONTHS now.. He just bought a car out of state and decided he no longer wanted it, and wanted me to follow him wiht MY car, 3 hours away, to the place he bought it.. so he could return it. Then we would return in MY car.

Oh, he said he's goign to fill up my gas tank, but so WHAT? That's still putting 500 plus miles on my car, and he's not paying me for the 6 hours I will waste driving there...

This is ridiculous.... I said NO, I couldn't do it.. and I'm glad I did..

What does he think I am anyway? I think I need to have a talk with this guy.

I mean. I like him, he's easy to talk with, but I dont' like the way I'm being treated here and I want it to STOP now!

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Oh, amazing.. he actually called me up and asked me to do something with him this past weekend!

I sort of just wanted to go out on my own, but I agreed to it, as I have not seen him in awhile... and thought.. oh, what the heck!

We went to this club.. they had some bands. some of it was good, some bad and played some billiards...


The funny was.. he wanted me to front him some money to get in there. cuz he had a large bill he didn't want to break! What.. am I a bank now.. along with a limosine driver??

Then I hear he does stuff with his other friends and it hurts my feelings... I'd like to go do stuff like go hiking or fishing with him... or just see a movie, but he never asks me, or if I ask him, he always turns me down....


The first part of the evening was fun.. but I got the feeling after awhile, he just did not want to hang out with me....

Plus I have not heard from him all week long now....that is kind of unusual.. I wonder if it's not cuz I told him dating someone married was not a good idea.....

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Well.. littlestar, there's not much I can do at the moment.. People in this area are just not friendly like they are in Australia I'm afraid... We've leased this place for a short time, so we're stuck here for the moment.


I'd definitely be travelling to meet other new people if gas was not an issue.

Has gas climbed in the last year in Aussie too littlestar.


It sure hurts your soul when you've lived somewhere for several years and you cannot find anyone to do anything with.

I'd ask my other friend to go do stuff with me, but she's often very sick and is very flakey about answering her phone.

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