NC is so hard....

[Delmo]

I feel I'm beginning to crack. How can you go from talking to someone every day for a year to nothing? It's been a week, I feel worse today than I did on day one. She told me she loved me, eight hours later she ended it. I have so many unanswered questions that I want to ask.I'm convincing myself that if I write her, tell her how I really feel about her, reassure her that I love her and want her things will be different. They wont tho will they? From experience I know that when someone says it's over it really is over. For my own self respect I know I should stay NC, but what if there is a chance she misses me and is waiting for me to get in touch? I don't think I can let it go without one last shot.

 

I needed to share that, I've no one here I can talk to right now.

[littlestar]

Sometimes unanswered questions need to be answered in order for full closure and nc.

[dreamguy]

No one knows if it's really over. But, for your best interest, you should assume it is if your ex said so.

I'm sorry to let you down but I highly doubt things will be different if, at this point, you tell her how you feel. You are way too emotional right now and I'm afraid you will only come accross as extremely needy and push her further away.

 

What's done is done. The bomb has been dropped. There is no way to go back.

What I mean is there is no way to get back things exactly the way they were before you guys broke up.

You might get back together in the future under much better circumstances but do not try to revive the old relationship. She didn't like it anyway otherwise she wouldn't have ended things.

 

It's easy to say but often so hard to implement: If you want a chance at getting back with her one day then you need to work on improving yourself. Regain your self-control, recover your heart and most importantly do your best to be happy (as much as possible) without her being in your life for the time being.

 

Just ask anyone who's been through a break up (including myself). Does reassuring the dumper that you still love them and you always will, that things will be different if they give you a chance, etc... make them come back to you ? Mostly, no.

 

In rare cases where the dumper does come back they often leave again sooner rather than later because they cannot fall in love again with the person they just left. They need to fall in love with someone new, someone similar to the person they fell in love when they first met you but without the issues that appeared later on during the relationship and caused them to lose their initial attraction for you.

 

If you still decide to give it one last shot after reading this (I'm not encouraging you to do so but merely taking this outcome into consideration) then just remember to be strong and focus on understanding what went wrong instead of trying to convince her to take you back.

Whatever you do just don't say things like "but a few hours ago you told me you loved me !". This will only fuel the fire and it won't get you anywhere. Anything that puts pressure on her right now is useless.

[Delmo]

Does reassuring the dumper that you still love them and you always will, that things will be different if they give you a chance, etc... make them come back to you ? Mostly, no.

 

I've been here before, a long time ago, with someone else. I begged, I pleaded, I sent flowers, I wrote letters. It did nothing but but cause resentment and I have done so well, thus far, to cut myself off and give this girl space but the "what ifs" are beginning to eat away at me.

[dreamguy]

The "what ifs" always do that to you. That's one of the hardest temptations you will have to resist. Try to change your thoughts and push the "what ifs" out of your mind because there's no point in dwelling on things right now. It's self-destructive.

 

Some threads to read:

 

 

 

 

[Delmo]

Thank you DG, those posts are just what I needed to read and have reaffirmed my determination to go NC. I find it humbling that you would take the time to find them and post them here for me. And I'm now crying my eyes out. God I'm a wreck right now.

[dreamguy]

Believe me, there's nothing humbling about it.

 

We're all human beings and most, if not all, people on this forum have been through something pretty similar to your pain at one point in their lives. You don't even want to know what I've been through

 

This is what makes the forum a wonderful place: the fact that your are given advice by people who have already lived the experience.

 

Come on ! Pull yourself together and go do something to keep your mind off things. Go use your time wisely instead of moping around and reminiscing memories. Trust me, in the near future, you'll be glad you did.

[atelis]

give yourself some time my friend and if you still feel you have unanswered questions, contact her in 3 or 4 weeks if you have the strength to do so. her life won't change dramatically in 3 or 4 weeks i guarantee you. if you give yourself some time for nc, you will be able to talk to her with more clarity and a calmness that may pleasantly surprise her. it may still be hard, but contacting her now will be very counter productive because you will be wanting answers and you will push for them which will push her further away which i'm sure you know.