Will I never hear from him again?

[undercover007]

My ex bf and I of 3 years have been broken up for about a month and a half. It was a very nasty break up.. but we also had a very unhealthy relationship and he was emotionally/verbally abusive and i guess i became codependent. I almost feel like i have no real closure from him.. cause the break up occurred over the phone and we said very nasty things to each other. I also found out that he is already in another relationship with a girl that he works with.. and he jumped right into a relationship only a couple weeks after we had broken up! He was hiding it.. but i caught him when i saw with a girl in his car driving. I nearly had a heart attack. He had told me a week earlier he didnt want to date anyone.. and then on top of that, he told me this girl was someone he had just recently met (although i know for a fact they work together) and that there not even in a relationship. But i looked her facebook and they were in a relationship awhile ago. It made me sick to my stomach that he could just move on so fast from a 3 year relationship. Yes i know that our relationship had problems.. but i was ALWAYS willing to work things out. I guess he got tired of it. I understand that.. but it hurt so much that he could just move on to the next girl and throw me like im a piece of trash. He said some pretty mean things when we broke up.. like now he can move on with his life and be happy.. and he called me crazy and psycho.. and then actually laughed when i was crying so hard and hurt for what he had done to me. But then after we both said hurtful things to each other.. he calmed down and told me that he still does care about me which i think is a load of BULLSH. cause he wouldnt have hurt me so many times throughout the relationship.

 

How does he forget all the memories we shared? Does he just block it out? I mean im the longest girl hes ever been with, i was the first to meet his real mom and we took a trip together to see her, i did everything for, i helped him get the job he has today cause i knew how depressed he was about not having a career and now he does, we talked about moving in together, even getting married one day, he would take me to nice places, use to buy me nice things, he did a lot of things for me that he didnt do for his other exes, and our sex life was very passionate. So i know he loved me at one point. but there was also an ugly side to him.. he was selfish a lot of the times, only did things that he wanted to do, unappreciative, he would criticize me and make fun of me, he would say really hurtful things when he was mad or give me the silent treatment, and i always had to walk on eggshells cause i never knew what mood he would be in.

 

The thing that just makes me sad is that he acts like i dont exist and that i never did exist. Now he has a new job (that i helped him get) and a new girl... its like he can shut me off after all these years of me being there for him. I put my heart n soul into the relationship, only to get rejected and tossed out like im a piece of rubbish. I havent heard from him ever since the day i confronted him about seeing him with another girl. He left a lot of clothes at my house and he didnt even want it back. Its like after all the years i was with him..all the history and memories we had together.. is he just going to forget about me and never speak to me again? i feel so used and abused. I dont want him back.. and i kno how unhealthy we were together.. but i still miss him and i still think about all the memories we had. I just want to know that our relationship at least meant something to him cause right now i feel like it didnt mean a thing. can someone just forget a 3 year relationship like that?

[loulee]

i really feel for you to be going through this at such a young age...stop torturing yourself with the Why? questions...he was probably quite angry when you split and this new girl is likely to mean very little to him..look at her as just someone convenient to stroke his ego and tell him how great he is..he would know deep in his heart how he behaved towards you during your relationship and he will not forget how nasty he was when you split..trust me on this...he is in the huge denial stage of break up...blaming you for everything....but we all know more often than not both partners make mistakes its how you deal with them and each other that counts...it sounds to me like you are BOTH emotionally immature and thats not a criticism just an observation...at 22 you wouldnt expect to have grown to your potential emotionally..i bet you were highly insecure in your relationship and when he used the Silent treatment it used to just about kill you..make you cry..make you want to make up and often NEVER resolve the argument..look up the silent treatment on Lifted hearts website it will make you understand it better it is a huge form of CONTROL......its a terrible cycle...Im sure he loved you a lot it sounds more likely that you both argued very unhealthily...have a good think about this....the best thing perhaps to do is start be taking just one day at a time. Start looking after yourself...do something that will MAKE YOU feel good about yourself..you would be surprised how little things can help put you in a better frame of mind..Think about how much you achieve when you think about him constantly....I know its hard but everytime you do this go do something positive..go for a walk..get a good book go see a movie with a girlfriend...anything.....that keeps your mind completely busy...they can be short term fixes BUT they help a lot...as each day you get stronger...start believing in yourself more and like yourself..you will project this to others..dont find out who what or where about him anymore and ask your friends not to mention him..throw his gear out or drop it at his parents...no contact is your only option in healing...many nasty breakups end up often regretted by the dumper...especially if they grow more emotionally...Find what makes you happy NOW and not what could have been...your strength is your weapon so use it wisely on yourself...an ex of mine did this and was very similar in his actions 5 months later he came back asking for another chance..he even told people straight away after dumping me it was the best thing he ever did..i went No contact and stopped every person i knew from mentioning his name or what he was doing if they had seen him ..truly not knowing is better.. i then worked on me for a while until i grew strong again and happy on my own...whatever will be will be...just look after YOu now because no one else will the way you can...

[undercover007]

Thanks Loulee.. ur advice really helped me. A problem im dealing with right now is having guilt. i feel like this was all my fault.. and till this day he blames me for everything. He would never admit to being at fault for anything.. and he always turned it around on me. i admit, i was needy.. but he became distant.. and when i wanted to see him, he'd give me an attitude. So i reacted.. and clung on to him even more cause i didnt want to lose him. Especially when he gave me the silent treatment for days, it made me want to call him more (stupid i know). I would call him like crazy cause he would never answer and it drove me nuts.. and he knew it.

 

The reason for this break up was cause he said he was sick of me accusing him of lying and cheating. But i caught him in a small lie.. and i lashed out on him saying nasty words cause i had all this built up anger. I know he didnt cheat on me.. but i always felt like he was hiding things from me and thats why i would accuse him of it. Plus he was always so busy with his new job, and he even told me his work is priority.. and i understood that, i even told him that i was understood taht his career was important.. but i jus wanted him to show that he still cared about the relationship. He started to call less.. when normally he calls me every night. I even let him kno, that just calling me to say good night for like 2 seconds would be fine, but he would sometimes just be too lazy or tired to even do that. I felt like i was putting all the effort into this relationship. I made him my priority, while i was second to him. I keep thinking, if i didnt do this or didnt do that, none of this would of happened. But either way, he was never satisfied, no matter what i did.

[lisa1126]

Don't think and feel that three years of your relationship was "nothing" and "waste of time". At the time, you two were in relationship and I am sure, despite of difficulties, there was love and caring, too.

 

People's feelings and thoughts change all the time. Whatever you two had was real at that time. It just that, he has made a choice not to be committed to this relationship when the passion and feelings have subsided as they will inevitably in all relationships.

 

No, they were not nothing. You loved him, enjoyed him in that time, and vice versa. Don't beat yourself over thinking that your emotional investment was all in vain. They were what they were and meaningful at the time.

 

Now, you need to focus on healing from this breakup. Complete NC, and start loving yourself. Just because your ex left you, it tells nothing about who you are. You are who you are regardless, and no matter if any man loves you or not. Your personhood and self worth has absolutely nothing to do with that.

 

You do not deserved to be treated the way your ex is treating you. Just stop contact, let go, and starting moving on with building yourself up.

[loulee]

This sounds like classic passive aggressive behaviour...look it up and get some insight into this type of personality..it is one of the most difficult things to deal with within a relationship and i speak from experience...the information you will find online will help you to STOP feeling guilty..and you will see why PA males/females, 9it is much more prone to males) do not take blame for anything, are never sorr,y say one thing mean another..often appear to be hiding things.. they often lie hate confrontation even when clearlry in the wrong they will NEVER take responsibility. cannot form deep emotional bonds and have suppressed anger or sometimes they can explode...it is conditioned into their subsconscious often from childhood bot to think logically..they constantly use defense mechanisms and never confront the real issue.. its very sad really and on the recieving end of it..even worse..it is actually considered emotional abuse..and yes it does hurt. ther silent treatment is a classic control method of a P/A male..and it in itself is horrid to experience you feel like an object not a person around them.....anyway look it up and see how you feel about it...it may just help and good luck