i am lost, drifting, and don't know what to do. (stuck!)

[go_to_sleep]

i am a 30 year old male who is struggling to figure out what i should do with myself.

 

some background:

i have a high school education and have been to some college classes, but have dropped out twice. i have had more jobs than i can recall, in many different "fields", and thereforee my resume looks like a patchwork quilt. i have just started a "job" that i really don't like, but i was unemployed for most of the summer and was unable to find work mostly due to my spotty resume. i was working a seasonal job last fall/winter that i actually enjoyed, but is only available 6 months a year. to further complicate things, i *may* be offered a temporary position that would make me very happy, but would ruin my current job and the seasonal job i might go back to.

 

basically, since i have nothing solid to fall back on, i'm constantly struggling with what makes me happy and what pays the bills. i am currently debating on going back to school, but i feel that it is too late for me. i feel like i'm too old for many good opportunities and that i've ruined my life. i also feel like i have a short attention span and am sick of doing work i really don't like.

 

i don't make a lot of money, and i live by myself. my apartment is more like a prison than a home, dark and decorated sparsely. i don't own many items of clothing, mainly because i am overweight and i am fashionably inept. i don't have many "friends" in my life, mainly because i don't really feel a connection with most people. i feel like the things i'm into are weird to most people. i have recently been considering moving to another part of the country, but i kinda feel like that is just running away from my life.

 

i have an almost non-existent relationship with my family. i feel like they never really made an effort to get to know the real me, or accept me for who i am. i am in the beginning stages of trying to reconnect with them, but i still harbor some resentment.

 

i am in a relationship with a girl who adores me, but i'm not convinced she's the girl for me. for starters, she's 20, lives at home and is fairly naive and unmotivated. i find her to be a bit clingy and needy, but maybe i'm just overreacting. i would dump her, but i'm not attractive and i fear not being able to find someone else. i'm very shy, awkward, and self conscious. i went almost 2 years without even having sex.

 

in a nutshell, i feel like i have some sort of attention span problem. i have had numerous jobs, over 30 cars (in 14 years), and i just generally feel like i can't focus on anything unless it's something i am very interested in.

 

questions:

*if this exciting job comes up, should i take it and risk structure to be happy, even if it's temporary, or should i just bite the bullet and stick with something safe?

 

*is it too late to go back to school and make something of my life at age 30?

 

*should i break up with my girlfriend? she's a great person, but i feel like i'm settling for someone i'm not really interested in, and i feel like if i do, that i will be alone for a long time.

 

*should i move away and start over? or is that just a cop-out?

 

i don't know what to do with myself. i feel like there's so much out there i have never experienced and life is passing me by. i'm just sick of feeling like the life i have created is now void of any options and i'm forced to take what i can get.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. a really good book is, "I could do anything, if i knew what it was" by barbara sher. it really helped me out a lot in figuring out what to do with my life.

 

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