Why is my sadness getting worse?

[exploding head]

It's been three months since the breakup and 2 months NC, and It seems like im getting sadder and sadder. I find myself aleeping more and more through the day. It almost feels like the sunshine is depressing me. I havent been able to find a job, and I just miss her. Over and over and over. I miss her. It's not getting better either. I usually tell myself not to think about things when she pops in my head, but it isnt working. Hell, i started crying typing this.

 

Can anyone offer any sort of advice, sympathy, anything?

[Nearwater]

Yeah dude, i am going through the same too. It is starting to get better, some of the time. i went from crying many many time during the day a few weeks ago to much less now. I think as time passes and we let go more it will get better. look up my posts if you want something to cry about... see if the situation is similar to what you are feeling or going through and we can talk more. For me it seems the overwhelming sadness is from missing her yes, but underlying stuff from my past that was brought out from breaking up so painfully. How old are you? I think everyone on ENA should put their age over by their name, in some situations it does matter.

[Shentar]

I feel you. I have been where you are, and I"m here for you. Nothing I can say will make you feel better, only you can do that. Its hard to do, I know. Are you eating okay? Any hobbies or projects you want to do?

[exploding head]

I'm 30.

 

None of my old hobbies are interesting anymore. I read a lot, and I jog. I'm just losing interest in everything. About the only time I look forward to is sleep. Because I wont think about her then. Spontaneously crying a lot too. I just dont want any more pain. I would not do it, but now I understand the mindset of people who commit suicide. Thats how low I feel most days now. Eating is difficult. I pretty much have to force myself now. I'm probably going to see a counselor this week. I don't know how that will turn out, but I suspect I'll go on meds and feel like a zombie for months. Most of all, I want her to see me now, what she did to me. How much she hurt me. I want her to hurt. I want her to feel the agony I've been going through.

[yeahwhatever]

Hey Head, I think you are completely normal! Man, it just takes some time!! Take this advice from me: Do not get involved with anyone until you really are ready!! I have been broken up about as long as you and NC for same amount of time as well and made the mistake of getting involved with a woman. Her feelings came on really strong and I forewarned her that I was still going through some stuff. Big mistake getting involved!!!!

 

I was nowhere near ready and NOW I am trying to let go of the new one with tact and trying not to hurt her. Who was I fooling thinking I could even remotely give a new girl a chance with how I am??? I was fooling myself!! I was upfront with her, but she made the mistake of thinking she could wipe my memory clean of my ex, whom I am still in love with.

 

EH, I know the generic takes time is getting old hearing, but when you were hurt it really does take a toll on all of you. Keep your head strong, while your weak, broken heart mends!! I know all too well, the time it takes is ROUGHER than hell!!

[exploding head]

I'm not going to date anyone. She actually TOLD me to go date someone else. I told her I was in no hurry to meet the next girl who will break my heart. I dont see myself getting close to anyone for a very long time. And I hate that she did that to me.

[Shentar]

Yeah it sounds like its pretty serious, but its normal. Do you have any friends that you can hang out with? How is your appetite?

 

The counselor will be a good thing, but if its just a counselor, it might not be any better than everyone here. You might consider a psychiatrist for some antidepressants. It sucks to have to do that, but you might need some to help you get out of the funk to where you can start to heal. If you are thinking suicide, things have gotten serious. We don't need to lose someone who is a cool guy.

[exploding head]

I wouldnt kill myself, but I now understand why people do it. I cant see anyone living with this pain. I do feel myself slipping away into this. it's not fair. She loved me. We had all these plans. Now it's all gone.

 

It's difficult to eat. I force myself. Oatmeal mainly. some fruit. I've found that weekends are the hardest to deal with. Sleeping is a challenge too. I find that I want to sleep during the day. I just dont want to face the sun at all. I'd have to have a few shots of booze to try and fall alseep at a regular time. I know im in a massive depression. Probably the worst Ive ever felt.

[fleck1234]

Here is a little tough love. she is gone and probably won't be coming back. You can chose to wallow in self pity forever or pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with living life. The only person that can get you out of this is YOU!!! Start now and stop the pity party and get on with your life. We have all been there and it hurts like hell but it will get better as soon as you allow it to. She is not making you miserable anymore, she is gone. You are doing this to yourself by thinking about it. Your better than this man, don't let one person out of billions control who and what you are. You can do this!!

[exploding head]

I've tried pulling myself out of this, but its like I have no strength. I've just felt like dying for the last few days now. No particular reason, just missing her and other family/personal issues..

[phoenixgirl]

All the symptoms seem as depression to me. You definitely should go see a counselor.

[denise_14]

it might take a longer time before you feel better. get a good support system (ENA is good), and try to refocus yourself. try to be busy and think happy thoughts. moving on is something you cannot force your self to do, but being happy is something you can opt to be.

[Shentar]

Have you ever worked out? I've found sometimes going to the gym helps me with my depression. Work hard while thinking about your problems. Summon up some anger and deal with it while you are working. Then go home tired and collapse. Its not a solution, but you aren't going to get a solution right now. You need to build yourself up so that you can confront your feeling and deal with them.

 

Mulling over them won't do anything but prevent healing. They are right that only you can do this. I have been where you are and know how you feel. Eventually you are going to get tired of feeling like this and make a choice to deal with it.

 

I find weekends hard to deal with too. I spent this weekend watching House MD (his smartass, don't care attitude is an inspiration when I am down), making something good to eat (didn't want to) and then I went auto racing today (hobby, someting to focus on). What makes weekends hard for you?

[BrokenJoy]

Hi exploding head,

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I'm sort of in a similar situation, 3 months since the break up and 1 month NC. Sounds like you are in depression, which is what you mentioned. You should probably see your doctor for some antidepressants, before it gets any worse. The counselor may not be a bad idea either. Maybe it's time to take different steps and take care of your physical and mental health. Hang in there bud, we're all here for ya.

Feel free to PM me =]

-BrokenJoy

[DayInDayOut]

I dont post much here but I wanted to chime in because I feel your pain. My lady left me not too long ago and it felt like my life was turned completely upside down. I was so distraught that I could barely carry on with my life. There were nights when I would just lie in my bed and cry...I would constantly ask myself why I didnt do things different when we were together. It really tore me up....but after a several weeks it slowly started to get better. Dont get me wrong....it still hurts....just today I was thinking about it and it had me upset. I'm sure it will take a long time before it feels better. When I start feeling down....this is what I do: First, I decide to take care of the usual things I need to do (work, study, laundry, gym, bike ride, etc.) and then I tell myself that when i'm done with that stuff then i'll go feel crappy about my failed relationship. The good thing about this is that my responsibilities are already taken care of....which means there is just one less thing to feel crappy about. It makes it a little easier....cause at the end of the day we all have to keep moving forward with our lives.

 

As far as the meds.....I thought I was going to need them after the break up. I was so dysfunctional that I thought for sure that I would need serious counselling and medication....but I held out and slowly I was able to deal with the pain. You wont feel better overnight....or even within weeks for that matter. But you can choose to enjoy the good things in life even though your ex isnt around. Keep your head up man....things WILL get better.

[Nearwater]

Abandonment can really truck with us. I have been dealing with it since May and it is kicking my but. I found I was talking to myself today, out-loud. Come on, don't even think about her, don't cry AGAIN.

 

I am mid 40's man that has never had any real emotional problems before, this lack of control of emotions amazes me. Does this mean we/I have the capacity to love very deeply, on a soul-to-soul level? My Ex is clearly shallow in personality and depth of emotion.

 

Head- the appetite comes back, if your therapist thinks it's okay maybe just try a sleep aid, the rest will help.

 

I can relate about the feelings of suicide. For a whole month I thought about it every morning, planning, writing notes, crying about it. I only told an old friend I had not spoken to in years, he said the exact same thing happened to him in a divorce a year ago. He called friends to clean out his gun safe. Now I am past the feelings but boy did it seem bad.

 

This time for me I know it is going to be a long year... but it will be worth it.

 

And I know I can love, really love a woman.

 

After I am over her and her life changes again, the seeds of regret are already growing in her.

[exploding head]

It's hard for me.

 

I met this girl when I was 16. We instantly connected. Nothing ever happened between us, but there was always this spark. She went off to college 1000 miles away, but we wrote/called each other every week until her boyfriend at the time told her to stop it. She regretted this later she said.

 

Flash forward 13 years. I hadnt thought of her in a long time, until something reminded me of her. A week later, she found me on myspace. The connection returned. We fell in love rather quickly. We both felt so happy that we found each other again. We were together for about a year, until she did this.

 

So basically, she was the girl that got away, then I got her back. Then she left. It hurts

[atelis]

just know that we are there with you. it won't take the pain away and it won't bring her back which is what you want, but know that we have and are feeling the same pain and emotions as you and that we will all come out the other side ok. It may take time, but believe that you wll be ok. The mind and heart are as strong as they are weak and you will bounce back my friend.

[starlight40]

Exploding, i think its feeling worse right now because you havent got alot to do because of your work situation leaving you far too much time to think about things x

[exploding head]

I would agree about the work situation. The job market sucks right now.

[starlight40]

Yeah, is there not something you could do workwise just to fill the gap until you find something you really want to do? Could be anything....

[exploding head]

Im doing a little carpentry here and there. It's hard physical labor which is good for me, but its getting harder because I still cant sleep all that well. Didnt sleep last night. This whole thing is taking it's toll on me emotionally. The irony is that I look so much better now after losing a lot of weight and letting my hair grow out. Sure dont feel like I look.

[starlight40]

Im doing a little carpentry here and there. It's hard physical labor which is good for me, but its getting harder because I still cant sleep all that well. Didnt sleep last night. This whole thing is taking it's toll on me emotionally. The irony is that I look so much better now after losing a lot of weight and letting my hair grow out. Sure dont feel like I look.

I so wish i could make all this better for you, sounds silly but its almost like i can feel your pain shooting off the page when i read ypur stuff. Maybe is cos ive been through similar lately and i know how hard it is. Have you tried anything herbal to help with your sleeping? Herbal Nytol is good x

[tina-rocks]

Hey you are not alone.

 

I know this seems really hard for you and I really feel your pain right now and would love to take it away and would if I could believe me.

 

I can only say this. Sometimes these things in life that cause us the most hurt lead to a release then something else comes along and blasts them out of the water.

 

I prey this for you and all of us here on ENA.

 

We will all get through this I know we will.

 

My heart is with you.

 

Tina

 

 

Im doing a little carpentry here and there. It's hard physical labor which is good for me, but its getting harder because I still cant sleep all that well. Didnt sleep last night. This whole thing is taking it's toll on me emotionally. The irony is that I look so much better now after losing a lot of weight and letting my hair grow out. Sure dont feel like I look.

[starlight40]

Therel be good things to come for you Exploding, this kind of suckiness never lasts forever. Infact if you dont start putting a smile on that face soon im coming over there drag you out of it!