how to go on?

[alone1again]

Hi guys! I have just joined this site as I really need to talk to someone who can relate to what I am going through.

Me and my fiance of three years broke up last weekend. The saddest thing about it is that we still love each other very much but there are things that just make it impossible for us to ever be truly happy together. I don't get along with his mum, like at all, and then there is his brother's woman who I also despise. I also found out that basically none of his relatives like me, so it's very hard. His uncle told me to fight for us but I really can't fight for the rest of my life. I am simply just too weak for this. His family is obsessed about dieting and being skinny and that really bothers me, as for as long as I can remember I have been battling with weight issues. I've been bulimic and anorexic. I really can't stand them talking about how skinny someone should be all the time. It's just not healthy for me. And his brother's woman is perfect in their eyes. She is stick skinny and always tanned and obsessed with healthy lifestyle. And I can't stand her also because back in school I've always been teased of being too fat and make me feel as if I was smaller than grass by people like her. And now I am supposed to smile and get a long with someone like that for the rest of my life? I can't do that. I've tried, I really have, but I just can't let go of the past. It just hurts too much. And to make matters worse, me and my fiance, well ex-fiance now, we have been trying for a baby over a year and then she comes along and her and my ex's brother have been together less than a year and she is pregnant! How is that even fair? I can't even make myself to go and see this baby, I haven't even asked if it is a boy or a girl cause it just hurts too much.

So I felt that I really had to end this relationship. There is no point in us both being unhappy when I know he could be so much happier with someone who is less troubled. He can't change his family and I couldn't ask him to. But since they are all very close, it will always be on the way. It would be selfish of me to lead him on thinking that things will get better because I've seen that things are only getting worse.

And now I am lost. So lost that I don't know how to find a way out. It is killing me. One minute I am fine and the next minute I get panic attacks. I am so scared of being on my own, scared that I made the wrong decision, scared that I will now end up all alone for the rest of my life. The worst part is that my life is going to change 100%, whilst his life is really gonna go on just as nothing has ever happened. He will find a new woman in his life in no time as he is such a fantastic person, he really is the best. But I will have to find a new place to live, plus I have no job as I have once given up everything for him. I have to start my life from the scratch again and I am terrified. I am 25 years old and I have nothing. I really don't know how to go on. Where to find the strength to carry on, to get out of bed. I really feel my life is over. I am terrified...

[kuhl282000]

You still have many years to live, one door closes another one opens

 

Keep knocking is the key .....one will open for you .....just walk through it

[xxricexx]

All the new things that you find yourself having to do like find work, find a new place to live will be challenges that help you move on from this relationship.

 

Its hard to think positive thoughts this soon after a break up but as each day goes by and your thoughts are forced more and more onto the new goals that lie ahead you will gain a new sense of confidence and independence that will push the other feelings into a place where they are slightly easier to manage.

 

I would be lying if i said theres a quick fix and if i said it would be easy but it will happen. It sounds like you made a sacrifice for both of you to have a better life and you should take some pride in the fact you had the strength to do that, and when your feeling at your worst then draw on that same strength to see you through.

 

I didn't believe any of the posts on here that said it would get better... i was proven wrong.

[alone1again]

Thank you for the wise words. I know I will have to start thinking positive but maybe it is just a little too early. I don´t know. I know there are people who really do go on with their lives but I have also heard of some who don´t and that really scares me.