Nine months, Still not 100% well, is it normal??

[broken-hearted]

It's been nine months since the break-up, yet i find myself worried at the fact that im still thinking about her on a daily bases. The break-up was tough on me, cause it included the worst case scenario (love of over 2 years leaves me for another guy, she kisses him before the break-up, now they are engaged, the new guy is not better than me he is 17 years older than her). I still feel the pain, im busy doing many other stuff in life, i have taken huge steps comparing to the first month, but there is still an air of sadness deep inside me, is this normal or not?

how long did it take for those of you who are 100% ok now

DO We really ever get 100% ok? if yes, is it achievable without being with someone else in a new date/relationship? CAN WE ACHIEVE IT ON OUR OWN?

 

Last but not least, have you forgiven them????

[maka56]

Hey im 5 months and still feed that "sadness", I hope it does goes away but I dont think it will 100%, I think when someone else comes along it feels that hole up but I dont know it hasnt happened to me yet.

[Daegas]

The longer you think about it, the longer it hurts.

 

Also you will only reach 100% when your not thinking about this. Your 100% moment will have passed you by, and you might just not even have noticed it.

[lapseinjudgement]

yea you will never be able to be a 100 'over' someone that you shared something special with if you give your heart to someone you will never get it all back. Dont think you will just hold a spot for them deep in your heart and try to move on. Thats the most you can do.

 

And everyone does move on at their own rate dont think you are behind the curve or anything else you move at your rate if you try to force it and hurry it you wont get over it and things will get worse.

[jasper01]

It's not always this way, but there's nothing wrong. It is possible to get past it 100%. It may take much longer if you are stuck somewhere.

 

The thinking about the loss every day is your mind's way of attempting to heal. Your mind remembers it over and over in an attempt to get the emotions to come up. If you allow the emotions to surface rather than burying them, over time the hurt becomes less and less.

 

The betrayal is somewhat separate from the loss and can be more difficult. It requires a conscious effort of forgiveness, allowing the anger, hurt. It can stick around for a very long time if you aren't diligent with it and get in the way of healing the loss part.

 

My experience with the betrayal piece, both in my own life and others, is that relationships that begin with the betrayal of a third party are short lived, and tend to cause chaos in people's lives. I went through something very similar to you. The marriage lasted two years after she left, and then she lost the marriage, her career and her sanity. I know what you are going through, and how difficult it is to think of them together. But when I saw the person she had become years later, she was not the woman I fell in love with anymore. Certainly not anyone I would want to be in a relationship with!

 

Think about it - when people do this they are essentially getting seriously involved with someone they don't know at all. The impetus is that the person falls in love outside the relationship they already had. How can this be real love? You may find down the line like I did, that you are better off without this person in your life. They do this because they are emotionally troubled. You don't want to be involved with someone like that.

[saturnreturn]

I don't think 100% is a very achievable goal when you really loved someone and they are gone. It's been four months for me (almost 4 year relationship) and I still think about him every day all the time... but I feel better. I am able to make plans and set goals (something I could not do all summer since these plans could not involve him), I am less anxious and feel much more in control. I am able to be thankful for the people in my life even though they are not him and I am slowly letting go of our relationship.

Grief takes a year. 9 months is a long time but you sound like you are doing well. It's normal that you still think about her and that there is sadness inside you. You are still grieving and healing. But you are also moving forward and taking care of yourself. I'd say your doing fine.

[fleck1234]

I think this is very normal if you deeply love someone (it has been 6 months for me). I question people who are "over someone" in 2 or 3 months. How deep was that love? I'm not saying don't move on, but it's okay to still be sad and not be "over it".

 

I agree, 5 months for me and I still have bad days, more good ones though. I loved her very much and still do so I expect it to take time. I have no time limit, I just want to feel better and move on. 9 months for one person, 2 years for another, every situation is so different, time limits mean nothing.